We all want to be liked – it’s hardwired into us. But sometimes, that desire can spiral out of control, leading to actions we don’t even realize are pushing people away.
The relentless chase for approval results in behaviors that, far from making us more popular, can actually drive others away and harm our own self-image.
In this article, I’ll expose the surprising habits of those who try too hard to be liked and reveal why these actions often backfire. Trust me, you’ll want to read this!
1) Over-apologizing
We all know that person who seems to be constantly saying “I’m sorry”. Even when it’s not necessary.
This is a common trait among those trying too hard to be liked. They apologize excessively in an attempt to be seen as agreeable or to avoid conflict.
While it’s important to apologize when you’ve made a mistake, saying sorry too often can make you seem insecure.
It can give others the impression that you’re not confident in your own actions or decisions.
It’s also worth noting that over-apologizing can dilute the impact of your genuine apologies. If you’re always saying sorry, it can make it seem less meaningful when you really do need to apologize.
2) Constantly seeking validation
I recall when I used to constantly seek validation. I’d always look for reassurance from others, whether about my appearance, my ideas, or even my food choices.
“I’m thinking of getting the salad, what do you think?” or “Does this shirt look okay on me?” Even in situations where it clearly was just about my own personal preference, I still felt the need to get an approval stamp from others.
This behavior stems from a deep-rooted desire to be liked and accepted. But what I learned over time is that it actually led to people perceiving me as insecure and overly dependent on them.
By constantly seeking validation, I was putting others in a position of power over me and my decisions. This not only affected how they saw me, but also how I saw myself.
It’s okay to ask for opinions or advice sometimes, but remember: you’re the one living your life. Trust your own judgment. Your opinion matters the most. Mark Twain put it, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
3) Over-sharing personal information
One noticeable trait of people who are eager to be liked is a tendency to overshare personal information. Often, they disclose too much, too soon, hoping to create a quick bond or seem more engaging.
However, this approach can make others feel uncomfortable, creating an imbalance in the conversation.
The listener might feel pressured to share equally private details, even if they’re not prepared or willing.
Over-sharing can also have the opposite effect of what’s intended, making one appear self-focused rather than relatable.
While opening up is essential for genuine connections, it’s equally important to respect boundaries and avoid making others uncomfortable by disclosing too much too quickly.
4) Agreeing with everything
We often believe that agreeing with everyone will make us more likable, but this approach can lead to misunderstandings.
Many people agree with opinions they don’t genuinely share, simply to avoid conflict and keep the peace.
However, this habit can make you appear insincere or lacking in conviction, as others may sense that you’re not being authentic. Embracing and expressing your own opinions—especially when they differ from others—can actually enhance your relationships.
It shows that you have independent thoughts and are confident enough to engage in healthy debates.
Being liked doesn’t mean compromising your individuality; in fact, standing by your beliefs can help you form deeper, more genuine connections.
5) Always being available
Ever met someone who’s always ready to drop everything for others? This is another sign of trying too hard to be liked.
They feel that by being constantly available and willing to help, they’re demonstrating their reliability and kindness. While this may initially seem admirable, it can quickly lead to them being taken for granted.
Over time, people may begin to expect their help without gratitude, and the individual may find themselves stretched too thin, prioritizing others’ needs over their own.
This behavior can even result in them becoming a doormat, where others walk all over them without considering their feelings.
6) Neglecting their own needs
This one really tugs at my heartstrings.
There are those who constantly put others’ needs before their own in the hope of being liked.
They’ll neglect their health, hobbies, and personal growth just to be there for others. They equate self-sacrifice with being liked and appreciated.
This behavior not only harms their well-being but also sets a dangerous precedent. It sends a message that their needs and feelings are less important than those of others.
Neglecting your own needs to gain approval is a harmful path. Keep in mind the wise words of Meghan Markle: “You are enough, just as you are.” You don’t need to sacrifice your well-being for others’ validation.
7) Trying to fit in
I used to change myself depending on who I was with. With one group, I was the jokester. With another, I was the intellectual. I thought that by fitting in with different groups, I’d be more liked.
I was wrong.
In trying to fit in everywhere, I lost my sense of self. I became a chameleon, changing colors based on my surroundings. It was exhausting and unfulfilling.
What truly matters is being authentic. People are attracted to authenticity, not a manufactured persona. It’s about embracing your uniqueness and being proud of who you are.
It’s okay not to fit in everywhere. You’re not a puzzle piece that needs to find a place in every picture. Be yourself and the right people will appreciate and like you for who you truly are.
8) Being overly generous
Generosity is an admirable quality, but when it’s used as a means to gain approval, it loses its genuine appeal.
Those seeking to be liked lean on excessive generosity. They might constantly offer to pay, give lavish gifts, or go out of their way to help others, all with the hope that their actions will make them indispensable.
However, this approach can create an uncomfortable dynamic. Others may feel obligated, manipulated, or even suspicious of the ongoing favors.
True generosity comes from a place of genuine love and care.
As Mother Teresa wisely put it, “It’s not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.” So, give freely when it feels right, but don’t let it turn into a strategy for approval.
Final thoughts: It’s about authenticity
At the core of human behavior is the desire for genuine connections and acceptance.
The behaviors seen in those trying too hard to be liked stem from a deep fear of rejection or the need for validation.
Everyone wants to feel seen and valued, but these feelings are most fulfilling when rooted in authenticity, not performance.
Being liked isn’t about manipulation or pretense. It’s about embracing who we are and respecting others for who they are.
Let go of the fear of rejection and embrace your true self. Your worth isn’t defined by how much you’re liked, but by how much you like yourself.
