I used to think being kind to myself was something I’d get to eventually, like it was an optional bonus after everything else got done.
But then, I noticed a pattern. I’d make a small mistake and instantly spiral into negative self-talk.
I’d skip meals, push through exhaustion, and then wonder why I felt so burnt out.
The truth is, being unkind to ourselves isn’t always intentional—it’s just behaviors we’ve picked up along the way.
But the good news? We can unlearn them.
If you’ve ever caught yourself being your own worst critic or putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, it’s time to change that.
Let’s take a closer look at eight habits that might be standing in the way of treating yourself with the kindness you deserve—and how to let them go.
1) Being hard on yourself
We’ve all been there. We make a mistake and instead of learning from it, we beat ourselves up.
This is the most common behavior that stands between us and self-kindness.
This tendency to be our own harshest critic comes from a place of wanting to be better, but it often does more harm than good.
According to experts, it can lead to increased stress, lower self-esteem, and even physical health issues.
Everyone makes mistakes. They’re not a sign of failure or incompetence, but an opportunity for growth and learning.
So, the next time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, pause.
Acknowledge your feelings, and then let them go. Replace the negative self-talk with something more positive and compassionate.
It’s time to say goodbye to being hard on yourself and welcome a kinder, gentler approach to your own self-worth.
2) Ignoring your needs
I remember a time when I was so focused on pleasing others that I would constantly push my own needs aside.
Whether it was staying late at work to finish a project or skipping a meal to help a friend, I always put others before myself.
While it felt good to be there for the people I care about, I soon realized that I was neglecting my own needs.
There were nights when I was too tired to function and days when I felt like I was running on empty.
Ignoring your own needs isn’t kind or gentle.
According to psychologists, it’s self-destruction dressed up as selflessness.
It took me a while to understand this, but once I did, things started to change.
I began prioritizing my needs, setting boundaries, and taking care of myself physically and emotionally.
And guess what? Not only did I start feeling happier and more fulfilled, but I also found that I was able to be there for others in a more meaningful way.
So, if you’re always putting others’ needs before your own, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.
Start acknowledging your own needs and make self-care a priority.
You’ll be surprised at how much kinder and gentler you can be with yourself when you do.
3) Neglecting physical health
Did you know that our physical health has a direct impact on our mental and emotional well-being?
It’s true – research shows that regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are crucial for maintaining a positive mindset and high self-esteem.
Neglecting our physical health can lead to fatigue, stress, and even depression.
This not only makes us feel bad physically but can also make it difficult to maintain a kind, gentle attitude toward ourselves.
So, if you’ve been skipping workouts, eating unhealthy food, or not getting enough sleep, it’s time to change those habits.
Start by setting small, achievable goals for yourself – for instance, aim for 30 minutes of exercise a day or make sure you’re getting at least 7 hours of sleep each night.
Taking care of your physical health is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.
And as you start to feel better physically, you’ll also find it easier to be more gentle and compassionate with yourself emotionally.
4) Comparing yourself to others
Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s a behavior many of us fall into, and it can be incredibly damaging to our self-esteem and overall happiness.
When we compare ourselves to others, we often end up feeling inadequate or inferior.
Instead of celebrating our own achievements and appreciating our unique journey, we get caught up in what others are doing and how we ‘measure up’.
But here’s the thing – everyone’s path is different. What works for one person might not work for another.
And that’s okay! It’s important to remember that you are you, and that’s your superpower.
So, if you find yourself comparing your life, your body, your job or anything else to others, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.
Instead, focus on your own journey and celebrate your individual growth and accomplishments.
This will help you cultivate a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself.
5) Overthinking
Overthinking can be a real joy-stealer.
It’s like a hamster wheel in your mind that just keeps spinning, often leading to stress, anxiety, and even insomnia.
When we overthink, we’re usually not very kind or gentle with ourselves.
We nitpick every decision, dwell on past mistakes, or worry excessively about the future.
But the reality is, overthinking doesn’t solve problems or change outcomes.
It just drains our energy and robs us of the present moment.
So if you’re an overthinker, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.
Try to be more mindful, living in the present moment rather than getting lost in your thoughts.
It’s okay not to have all the answers and that sometimes, things will work themselves out without you needing to analyze every detail.
By letting go of overthinking, you can create a kinder, gentler space for yourself.
6) Holding onto past hurts
We’ve all been hurt, and it’s a part of life that we can’t avoid.
But holding onto past hurts and dwelling on them is not helpful, nor is it kind to ourselves.
It can be like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go.
It weighs you down, making it harder to move forward and enjoy the present.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or saying that what happened was okay.
It means choosing to let go of the pain so that it doesn’t continue to hurt you.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, not to the person who hurt you.
By saying goodbye to past hurts, you’re choosing kindness and gentleness towards yourself. You’re choosing freedom from pain.
It might not be easy, but it’s a step worth taking on your journey towards being kinder and gentler with yourself.
7) Trying to be perfect
I used to believe that perfection was the key to success and happiness.
I would push myself to meet impossibly high standards, feeling like a failure if I fell short.
But striving for perfection left me feeling exhausted, stressed, and never quite good enough.
It was a constant battle that I was always losing.
Then, I discovered the concept of “good enough”.
This doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity, but rather recognizing that it’s okay not to be perfect. That mistakes and flaws don’t define your worth or value.
Saying goodbye to perfectionism and embracing the “good enough” principle was a game changer for me.
It took the pressure off and allowed me to be kinder and gentler with myself.
So if you find yourself striving for perfection, consider letting go of this behavior.
Embrace your imperfections and remember that you are enough just as you are.
8) Not appreciating yourself
There’s one thing that stands out above all else when it comes to being kinder and more gentle with yourself, and that’s appreciation.
Appreciating yourself means recognizing your worth and value.
It means celebrating your achievements, big or small, and acknowledging the efforts you put in every day.
When you appreciate yourself, you’re saying to yourself, “I see you. I acknowledge your efforts. I value who you are.”
If you’ve been neglecting to appreciate yourself, it’s time to change that.
Start by taking a few moments each day to reflect on what you’ve achieved, how far you’ve come, and the qualities that make you unique.
Appreciation is the highest form of self-love.
And there’s no better way to be kinder and more gentle with yourself than by loving who you are.
Final thoughts
The funny thing about being kinder to yourself is that it doesn’t come naturally for most of us.
We’re wired to push, strive, and compare, often forgetting that we deserve the same compassion we give others.
I’ve been there—thinking kindness was something I had to earn, not something I owed myself.
But here’s what I’ve learned: letting go of those old, unkind habits is life-changing.
You don’t need to be perfect to deserve kindness. You just need to decide that you do.
So start today. Let go of one unkind habit and replace it with something softer, something gentler.
Because, really, isn’t it time you treated yourself the way you would a good friend?
