For as long as I can recall, I was always fascinated by what makes people tick.
Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and an avid psychology enthusiast.
Throughout my life, I have found myself wondering:
– What makes some people irresistibly likable?
– Why do others rub us the wrong way?
– How do our behaviors influence how others perceive us?
But it wasn’t until I seriously delved into psychology that it all started making sense.
There are certain subtle behaviors that highly likable people tend to avoid, while others unknowingly practice them, landing themselves in the “highly unlikable” category.
In this article, I want to share these 7 subtle behaviors that make a person highly unlikable, according to psychology.
I hope that by understanding and recognizing these behaviors, we can all improve our social interactions and relationships.
Let’s dive right in.
1) They’re constantly negative
You know the type – the ones who seem to have a perpetual cloud of pessimism hanging over them.
As a psychology enthusiast, I quickly noticed that one of the most prevalent behaviors among highly unlikable people is their tendency toward negativity. They often focus on the bad rather than the good, and they’re quick to point out problems without offering solutions.
This constant negativity can be draining for those around them. It creates a toxic environment and makes it difficult for others to enjoy their company.
Now, we all have bad days, and that’s perfectly okay. But there’s a difference between having a momentary lapse and being perpetually negative. The latter is not only detrimental to one’s mental health but also pushes people away.
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of negativity, try to challenge your perspective. For every negative thought, find a positive one to counter it. This simple exercise can help shift your mindset and make you more likable in the process.
2) They lack empathy
Empathy is a trait that I’ve always valued and tried to cultivate in my own life.
I recall a time when I was dealing with a particularly challenging situation. A colleague of mine seemed oblivious to the struggles I was going through and would often make insensitive remarks.
It wasn’t that they were intentionally rude, but their lack of empathy made them seem callous and hard to get along with.
As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
And that’s what empathy does. It makes people feel seen, heard, and valued.
Unfortunately, highly unlikable people often lack this crucial trait. They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, which can make their interactions with others seem uncaring or dismissive.
Empathy isn’t always easy, especially if we haven’t experienced what another person is going through. But making an effort to understand and validate others’ feelings can make a world of difference in how we are perceived.
3) They’re self-centered
A few years back, I had a friend who was incredibly self-absorbed. Our conversations would inevitably revolve around his life, his problems, and his achievements. He rarely asked about my life or showed interest in what I had to say.
Over time, it became clear that this wasn’t a friendship of mutual respect and interest, but rather a one-sided relationship where his needs and desires trumped everything else.
Sadly, this isn’t an uncommon trait among highly unlikable people. They often put their own needs and desires above those of others, turning every conversation and situation back to them.
This self-centered behavior can make it hard for others to connect with them on a deeper level or enjoy their company. After all, relationships are about give and take, and when one person is always taking, it can leave the other person feeling unheard and unappreciated.
If you notice yourself dominating conversations or focusing only on your own needs, it might be time to take a step back and work on becoming more attentive to the needs and feelings of others.
4) They’re dismissive of others’ ideas
In a past job, I had a boss who was notorious for dismissing others’ ideas. It didn’t matter how good your suggestion was; if it wasn’t his idea, it wasn’t worth considering.
This behavior made the team feel undervalued and stifled creativity. Not surprisingly, this boss wasn’t exactly the most likable person in the office.
The study, titled “The Dominance Dilemma: Do Women Really Prefer Dominant Mates?” highlighted that dismissive behavior not only makes someone unlikable but also less attractive as a potential partner.
So, if you want to be more likable, make sure to value and consider the ideas of those around you. It’s not always about being right; sometimes, it’s about being open, respectful, and encouraging towards others.
5) They’re too critical
Remember that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” It’s advice that some people could stand to take more to heart.
I once had a friend who was excessively critical. Whether it was the food at a restaurant, the music at a party, or even the clothes someone was wearing, they always had something negative to say.
This constant criticism made people uncomfortable and hurt their feelings. Over time, this friend became increasingly isolated as people started avoiding their company.
Being overly critical is a behavior often seen in highly unlikable people. They find fault in others and aren’t afraid to vocalize their negative opinions.
Constructive criticism can be helpful and necessary. However, when it becomes excessive and unkind, it can damage relationships and make a person highly unlikable.
So next time you feel the urge to criticize, pause for a moment. Ask yourself if your criticism is constructive and necessary, or if it might be better left unsaid.
6) They don’t respect boundaries
A few years ago, I had a neighbor who had a knack for turning up unannounced at the most inconvenient times. They’d show up early in the morning or late at night, completely disregarding my personal space and time.
Their lack of respect for my boundaries was frustrating and made them an unpleasant person to be around.
Respecting others’ physical and emotional boundaries is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. But highly unlikable people often struggle with this. They invade personal space, make inappropriate comments, or demand time and attention without consideration for the other person’s comfort or needs.
As esteemed psychologist Dr. Brene Brown puts it, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
Ignoring or disrespecting boundaries not only makes someone unlikable but also shows a lack of empathy and understanding. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own limits and comfort zones, and these need to be respected.
7) They’re overly agreeable
This one might surprise you. After all, aren’t likable people supposed to be agreeable?
Well, yes and no.
There’s a huge difference between being agreeable in a genuine way and being overly agreeable just for the sake of pleasing others.
I once knew someone who would always agree with everyone about everything, even when it was clear they didn’t really mean it. Their desire to avoid conflict and be liked by everyone actually had the opposite effect. People started to see them as insincere and untrustworthy.
Highly unlikable people often fall into the trap of being overly agreeable because they think it will make them more likable. But in reality, people appreciate authenticity and honesty far more than insincere agreement.
Don’t be afraid to express your opinions and stand your ground when necessary. It’s possible to disagree with someone respectfully without causing conflict.
Practical tip: Next time you find yourself about to mindlessly agreeing with someone, pause for a moment. Consider your genuine feelings on the matter and express them honestly. You might be surprised at how much respect you can earn by being true to yourself.
Conclusion
Understanding these subtle behaviors of highly unlikable people can be eye-opening. It’s not about judging others, but rather gaining insight into our own behaviors and how they might be perceived by those around us.
Remember, nobody’s perfect. We all have moments when we might come off as unlikable. The key is to recognize these behaviors and make a conscious effort to change.
My advice?
Practice empathy, respect boundaries, and strive for authenticity. Be mindful of your interactions with others and aim to create positive, respectful relationships.
And most importantly, remember that being likable isn’t about pleasing everyone else – it’s about being true to yourself and treating others with kindness and respect.
