Family relationships can be complicated, can’t they?
Especially as children grow into adults, the dynamics often shift in ways that are hard to predict.
If you’ve ever wondered why some parents and their adult children seem to share an unbreakable bond while others struggle to stay connected, the answer might lie in the little things—those seemingly harmless behaviors that can slowly erode closeness over time.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how certain patterns can create distance without anyone realizing it.
Today, we’ll explore six common behaviors that often hinder a deep connection between parents and their adult children.
Curious? Let’s dive in and see if any of these habits hit close to home.
1) They don’t validate their feelings
One of the fundamental ways to foster a healthy relationship with anyone, including your adult children, is by validating their feelings.
Validation means acknowledging and accepting someone’s feelings and experiences, even if they differ from yours. It’s about saying, “I see you, I hear you, and what you’re feeling matters.”
Parents who don’t have a close bond with their adult children often skip this crucial step. They may dismiss their children’s feelings or attempt to fix the problem without really understanding it.
This behavior can make an adult child feel unheard and misunderstood, creating a rift in the relationship. Worse yet, as noted by the folks at Psych Central the consequences can also include insecure attachment and porr coping skills.
Remember, every person wants to feel validated. If you’re looking to strengthen your bond with your grown-up child, start by acknowledging their feelings without judgment or unsolicited advice.
2) They fail to respect boundaries
Another common behavior I’ve observed in parents who struggle to connect with their adult children is a lack of respect for boundaries.
This is a huge mistake. As parent coach and psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein wrote in a recent Psychology Today post, “Respecting the boundaries and autonomy of adult children is essential for fostering mutual respect and trust. “
Let me share a personal example, I remember my friend’s mother, who would constantly interfere in her adult daughter’s life. Whether it was her career choices, parenting style or even something as trivial as her cooking methods – the mom always had an opinion and wasn’t shy about voicing it.
This constant intrusion made my friend feel like she was not being treated as an autonomous adult, but as a child who still needed guidance. And as you might have guessed, this lack of respect created a distance between them, straining their relationship.
It won’t always be easy (what part of parenting is?), but respecting boundaries means understanding that your adult child has their own life, with separate experiences and challenges.
It involves giving them the space to make their own decisions and learn from them, without unsolicited interference. It’s definitely a behavior worth cultivating if you want to improve your relationship with your adult children.
3) They communicate poorly
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. However, parents who struggle to maintain close relationships with their adult children often exhibit poor communication habits.
What do I mean by this?
Well it’s quite wide-ranging. Some might become excessively critical, or conversely, overly passive. Others may resort to guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation to get their point across.
These methods not only fail to convey the intended message, but also breed resentment and widen the emotional gap.
Improving your communication skills can go a long way in strengthening your bond with your adult child. It’s about expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly, listening actively, and responding with empathy and respect.
4) They constantly criticize
I think it’s fair to say that all parents want their children to do well in life.
And some go about making this happen by offering “constructive criticism.” But when that feedback tips into constant criticism, it can do more harm than good.
What they see as helpful advice can feel like nitpicking or disapproval to their child. Whether it’s about their career choices, their parenting style, their partner, or even their appearance, constant critique can leave adult children feeling like they’re never good enough.
Take a step back and consider this: Are your comments truly meant to help, or are they unintentionally chipping away at your child’s self-esteem?
If you want to nurture a closer bond, focus on celebrating your child’s strengths instead of honing in on their shortcomings. Encouragement and acknowledgment go a long way in creating a safe and supportive relationship.
5) They hold onto past mistakes
This is a big one.
Our kids will annoy us. There will be times when they embarrass us, hurt us, or make choices we don’t agree with. That’s just life.
But holding onto these moments—replaying them, bringing them up in arguments, or using them as a reason to withhold love—can quietly erode the relationship.
Forgiveness and moving forward don’t mean forgetting—it means choosing to prioritize the bond you share over the mistakes that were made. Letting go of old wounds can open the door to a more fulfilling connection.
6) They avoid vulnerability
As Brené Brown so beautifully said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Without vulnerability, relationships can feel surface-level, lacking the intimacy that comes from truly understanding each other.
Yet some parents avoid it with their adult children, keeping their emotions guarded or refusing to share their own fears, struggles, or mistakes. This can create a sense of emotional distance, making it hard for genuine connection to flourish.
Sharing your emotions and experiences—not just the wins but also the challenges—invites your child to do the same. It builds trust and fosters empathy, showing them that they can come to you not just for advice, but for mutual support and understanding.
I know it might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s the key to strengthening your bond.
Wrapping it up: Relationships are a journey
There’s no denying that family dynamics can be challenging, especially as children grow into adults and relationships evolve.
But the good news is, it’s never too late to make meaningful changes.
By identifying and addressing behaviors that might be creating distance, you can take steps toward fostering a deeper, more fulfilling bond with your adult children.
Now’s the time to reflect, reset, and reconnect. Your relationship with your adult child is worth it.
