The words we hear as kids have a way of sticking with us, shaping how we see ourselves and the world around us.
For some of us, those words were often harsh—criticism that cut deep, even if it didn’t seem like much at the time.
If you grew up hearing constant judgment or never feeling like you were “enough,” it’s not surprising that it left a mark. The effects can sneak into your adult life, showing up in ways you might not even realize.
In this article, we’re going to unpack nine traits that are common in people who grew up under the weight of constant criticism.
1) You’re a perfectionist
There’s a certain pattern that’s quite common among those who were heavily criticized growing up – perfectionism.
Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards. It’s a relentless pursuit of flawlessness. It’s about setting excessively high performance standards and being overly critical of oneself.
If you were overly criticized as a child, you probably tried to avoid that criticism by being perfect. If you were perfect, then there was nothing to criticize, right?
However, as an adult, this can lead to a constant fear of failure and an endless cycle of self-doubt. You may find yourself striving for unattainable goals and beating yourself up when you fall short.
It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to not be perfect. Learning how to embrace imperfection is an important step towards healing and growth.
2) You’re overly sensitive to criticism
This one hits home for me.
As someone who was heavily criticized growing up, I’ve found that I tend to be extremely sensitive to criticism.
I remember one time at work, my boss made a small comment about a report I had turned in. It was a minor critique, nothing more. But to me, it felt like a crushing blow. I spent the rest of the day worrying about it, replaying the conversation in my head, and questioning my abilities.
That’s the thing about being overly criticized as a child. You learn to brace yourself for criticism, to expect it. Even when it’s constructive or relatively minor, it can still feel like a personal attack.
Being aware of this tendency is the first step towards dealing with it. It’s important to remind yourself that not all criticism is meant to hurt and that you can learn and grow from it.
3) You have a tendency to self-criticize
When you’re used to hearing criticism from others, especially during your early years, you might start to internalize those negative comments.
This can lead to a habit of self-criticism.
Self-criticism, or the act of pointing out one’s own faults or mistakes, often becomes a default for those who were overly criticized as children.
Psychological research shows that people who self-criticize often do so because they believe it will help them improve. In reality, though, this kind of thinking usually leads to lower self-esteem and can even contribute to mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
It’s crucial to replace this self-criticism with self-compassion and understanding.
4) You struggle with self-esteem
When criticism is a constant in your life, especially during your formative years, it can be challenging to develop a healthy sense of self-worth.
If you were overly criticized as a child, you might find yourself struggling with self-esteem issues as an adult. You might believe that you’re not good enough, no matter how much you accomplish or how hard you try.
This lack of self-esteem can affect various aspects of your life, such as your relationships, career, and overall happiness.
Building self-esteem is a process, but it’s certainly possible. It begins with recognizing your worth and challenging the negative beliefs you hold about yourself.
5) You’re highly defensive
If you were constantly criticized growing up, you likely developed defenses to protect yourself.
It’s a natural response.
As an adult, this might manifest as being overly defensive. You may find yourself quick to react or counterattack when you perceive criticism or sarcasm, even when none was intended.
This defensive stance can strain your relationships and interactions with others. It might make it difficult for you to accept feedback, even when it’s meant to be constructive.
6) You struggle to express your feelings
Feelings are deeply personal and sharing them makes us vulnerable.
If you were overly criticized as a child, expressing your feelings might feel like inviting more criticism, more hurt.
You may have learnt to keep your feelings to yourself, to bottle them up. This can be a lonely and isolating experience, leaving you feeling misunderstood or disconnected from others.
But it’s okay to express your feelings. It’s okay to be vulnerable. Your feelings are valid, and sharing them can lead to deeper connections with others and a better understanding of yourself.
7) You’re excessively cautious
I’ve noticed that I often second-guess myself, always considering the worst-case scenario before making a decision.
This stems from being overly criticized as a kid.
The fear of making a mistake, of facing criticism, made me extremely cautious. I found myself avoiding risks, even when they might lead to growth or success.
This overly cautious behavior can limit your experiences and opportunities in life.
8) You strive to please others
With an overly critical upbringing, you might find yourself striving to please others.
You might take on behaviors, habits, or even careers that aren’t truly aligned with who you are, just to avoid criticism and gain approval. This can lead to feelings of inauthenticity and dissatisfaction.
Remember, your worth is not defined by the approval of others. It’s important to live your life in a way that feels authentic to you, not in a way that’s designed to please others.
9) You’re resilient
Growing up with constant criticism can be tough, but it can also make you incredibly resilient.
You’ve faced challenges and navigated difficult emotions from a young age. This resilience is a testament to your strength and your ability to overcome adversity.
Use this resilience to your advantage. Let it be the driving force that propels you towards healing, self-acceptance, and ultimately, a happier and healthier life.
Embrace your journey
Navigating through life with the imprint of a heavily criticized childhood can be challenging. But remember, these traits that you’ve developed, while they might seem burdensome, are also a testament to your resilience.
A quote by Carl Rogers, an influential American psychologist, rings true here – “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Your past does not define you. You have the power to transform your life. It begins with acknowledging your experiences and feelings, and then embracing self-love and self-compassion.
Use these insights not as a crutch, but as a stepping stone towards understanding yourself better and nurturing your growth. You are more than your past. Embrace your journey towards healing and self-discovery.
