Being in a long-term relationship can feel like slipping into a warm, cozy sweater. A little too cozy, sometimes. There’s a fine line between comfort and complacency, and it’s easy to cross without even realizing it.
According to this dating expert (hey, that’s me!), there are telltale signs that you’ve become too comfortable in your relationship.
And while comfort can be good, getting too comfortable may mean you’re losing sight of the spark that made your relationship special in the first place.
Let’s delve into those seven signs that you might be just a bit too comfortable in your relationship. After all, recognizing the problem is the first step towards making positive changes. It’s time to shake things up a bit!
1) You’ve stopped going on dates
Dating shouldn’t stop when you enter a long-term relationship. Yes, takeout and Netflix can be fun, but if that’s all you’re doing, it’s a sign you might be getting too comfortable.
Remember those early days when you both made an effort to plan special evenings together? That’s what keeps the spark alive and your relationship exciting.
Don’t let the thrill of discovering new experiences together fade away because you’re too comfortable. Comfort is good, but too much of it can make your relationship feel stale.
2) You’re not fighting anymore
Yes, you read that right. Too much peace can actually be a sign of trouble in paradise.
If you’ve stopped arguing altogether, it may mean you’ve stopped communicating about things that matter.
Disagreements aren’t necessarily a bad thing. They show that both of you are invested enough to have differing opinions and care enough to voice them.
Remember, it’s not about the fight itself but how you fight. Healthy arguments can lead to better understanding and resolution. But if you’re avoiding conflict because it’s “easier”, you might be a little too comfortable in your relationship.
3) You’ve stopped investing in yourself
We often talk about the importance of investing in our relationships, but what about investing in ourselves?
When was the last time you did something just for you? If you’re struggling to remember, it’s a sign you’ve become too comfortable in your relationship.
It’s easy to lose ourselves in love, but it’s crucial to keep nurturing our individual interests, hobbies, and friendships. This independence not only makes us happier but also brings a healthy balance to our relationships.
I explore this concept more in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s all about finding the right balance between being “us” and being “you.”
If you’ve stopped taking time for yourself or have let your personal goals slide, it might be time to reassess. You’re an individual first, and a partner second. Don’t forget that!
4) You’re no longer curious about each other
Curiosity might have killed the cat, but a lack of it can kill a relationship. Remember when you first met and every little detail about your partner seemed fascinating? If that curiosity has faded, it’s a sign you’re getting too comfortable.
As the writer Marcel Proust once said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” The same goes for relationships. There is always something new to discover about your partner if you keep your eyes open and your curiosity alive.
I remember when I realized I knew my partner’s coffee order by heart, but didn’t know their favorite childhood memory. That was a wake-up call for me.
5) You’ve stopped saying “I love you”
Those three little words hold a lot of weight. If you’ve stopped saying “I love you” as often as you used to, it might be a sign you’re a bit too comfortable in your relationship.
It’s easy to assume that your partner knows how you feel about them, especially after years together. But, it’s always nice to hear it. Saying “I love you” is not just about expressing feelings, it’s about reassuring your partner of your commitment and affection.
I once went a whole week without saying “I love you” to my partner. It wasn’t intentional, but when we realized it, we both felt its absence.
Now if those three words have become scarce in your conversations, it might be time to start saying them more often. Love is meant to be expressed, after all.
6) You’ve stopped appreciating each other
Appreciation is the fuel that keeps the relationship engine running smoothly. If you’ve stopped expressing gratitude for each other, it’s a sign you’re getting too comfortable.
It’s easy to take our partners for granted, especially if we’ve been together a long time. But as author William Arthur Ward wisely said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
One day, my partner thanked me for always filling up the car’s gas tank. It was a small thing, something I’d been doing without thinking. But hearing their appreciation made my day.
So if “thank you” has become a rare phrase in your relationship, it might be time to start saying it more often. And remember, even the smallest gestures deserve a thank you.
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7) You’ve stopped being intimate
Intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about emotional connection, vulnerability, and closeness. If you’ve stopped being intimate, whether emotionally or physically, it’s a sign you’ve become too comfortable in your relationship.
It’s easy to assume that with time, the passion will naturally fade away. But intimacy isn’t something that should ever completely disappear from a relationship. It keeps the connection between you alive and vibrant.
If holding hands, sharing secrets, or making love have become rare occurrences in your relationship, it might be time to reconnect on a deeper level. Relationships thrive on intimacy. Don’t let comfort rob you of this essential element.
A final thought
Understanding the dynamics of comfort in a relationship is a nuanced process.
It’s not about avoiding comfort entirely, but striking a balance where comfort doesn’t morph into complacency. Just as you grow and evolve as an individual, so too should your relationship.
As we’ve explored these seven signs of being too comfortable in a relationship, remember, they’re not a definitive judgment but an invitation to reflect.
Relationships are living things that need nurturing, effort, and yes, a little bit of discomfort to truly thrive.
There’s a saying that goes: “A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” The same could be said about relationships.
They’re not just built for comfort, but for growth, adventure, and deep connection.
For those of you who wish to explore these concepts more deeply, I recommend this video by Justin Brown. It delves into the complexities of finding a life partner and offers valuable insights on shared values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship.
Remember, in the end, it’s about embracing the journey of love with all its twists and turns. Here’s to keeping the spark alive while enjoying the warmth of comfort in your relationship.
