There’s a stark contrast between being a magnet for your partner’s affection and being a repellent.
It all boils down to habit. Certain behaviors can turn off the switch of attraction quicker than a light bulb, no matter how deeply in love your partner is with you.
Hi, I’m Tina Fey, the heart and soul behind the Love Connection blog. As a relationship expert, I’ve seen many couples struggle to keep the flame of attraction alive in the long-run.
The good news? It’s entirely possible to maintain that spark. But first, we must identify and bid farewell to eight specific behaviors.
In this article, I’ll share what these attraction killers are and how to avoid them. Trust me, your relationship will thank you.
1) Turning a deaf ear
One of the most common reasons for dwindling attraction in a relationship is the feeling of not being heard.
This isn’t about literally losing your hearing ability, but about losing the willingness to listen, to understand, and to care.
When your partner is talking about their day, their thoughts, or their feelings, are you genuinely present in the moment?
Or are you mentally miles away, nodding occasionally without really taking in what they’re saying?
Nothing kills attraction faster than feeling ignored or dismissed. It’s like shouting into a void and expecting an echo.
It can be frustrating and deeply hurtful.
As the relationship expert behind Love Connection, I can’t stress enough how vital active listening is in maintaining long-term attraction.
You need to show that you value your partner’s thoughts and feelings.
Show them they’re important enough for you to put aside distractions and really listen.
If you want your partner to stay attracted to you in the long-run, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.
Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about understanding emotions and intentions behind those words.
2) Taking your partner for granted
Let’s face it, we all get comfortable in long-term relationships.
The initial thrill fades away, and we start taking our partners for granted. We assume they’ll always be there, no matter what we do or how we behave.
I’ve seen countless couples in this trap, where one or both partners stop making an effort, thinking their bond is strong enough to weather any storm.
But let me tell you from experience – that’s a mistake.
As the wise Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Your partner needs to feel cherished, appreciated, and loved every day.
It’s not about grand gestures but the little things that show you care – a sweet good morning text, a cup of coffee made just the way they like it, or a simple ‘I love you’ at the end of the day.
It’s time to bid farewell to taking your partner for granted.
Love is a verb, and it requires action. Show your partner every day how much they mean to you.
3) Being overly dependent
There’s a fine line between being in love and being overly dependent.
The latter can smother the spark of attraction faster than you’d think.
Over-dependency often stems from a lack of self-confidence and self-love, leading you to seek validation and fulfilment only from your partner.
It’s like expecting someone else to complete you or fill a void within you, which is not only unfair but also unhealthy.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this issue and provide practical strategies to build a healthier relationship dynamic.
A healthy relationship consists of two whole individuals who choose to share their lives, not two half individuals seeking to become one.
Say goodbye to over-dependency. Start by cultivating self-love and embracing your individuality.
You are enough just as you are, and your partner should be a delightful addition to your life, not a necessity.
4) Always agreeing
This might seem counterintuitive, but constantly agreeing with your partner can actually harm your relationship over time.
While it’s crucial to have harmony in a relationship, it’s equally important to maintain your individuality.
Unanimously agreeing with your partner on everything, just to keep the peace, can lead to resentment and make you feel unseen or unheard.
Your opinions and beliefs matter just as much as your partner’s. Disagreeing doesn’t mean you love them any less.
Healthy debates and disagreements can actually deepen your understanding of each other and strengthen your bond.
A strong relationship is not about two people who think alike but about two people who respect each other’s differences and still choose to love each other every day.
Embrace healthy disagreements and learn to communicate effectively without fearing conflict.
After all, a little friction can sometimes reignite the spark.
5) Neglecting self-care
This one hits close to home for me. During the early years of my marriage, I was so consumed with taking care of my partner and our home that I completely neglected my own needs.
I’ve learned the hard way that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential.
If you’re constantly drained, physically or emotionally, it’s hard to be present and engaged in your relationship.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. And when you neglect your own needs, you risk becoming resentful, unhappy, or even falling out of love.
Your partner was attracted to you because of who you are as an individual.
Don’t lose that by forgetting to take care of yourself.
It’s time to bid farewell to neglecting self-care. Take time for yourself – go for a run, read a book, meet a friend, or simply relax with a cup of coffee.
A happy and healthy you adds to a happy and healthy relationship.
6) Brushing off intimacy
Let’s get real here. Intimacy is a vital part of any romantic relationship. And I’m not just talking about physical intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is equally, if not more, important. It’s about letting your guard down and allowing your partner to see the real, raw you.
It’s about sharing your fears, insecurities, dreams, and hopes. It’s about knowing that you’re loved and accepted, warts and all.
When we brush off intimacy, we build walls instead of bridges. We push our partner away instead of pulling them closer.
And that’s a surefire way to extinguish the flame of attraction.
If you want your partner to stay attracted to you in the long run, say goodbye to brushing off intimacy.
Embrace vulnerability. Share your heart and welcome theirs. Real love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being real.
7) Dwelling on past mistakes
We all make mistakes. I’ve made plenty in my life and my relationship. But holding on to past mistakes, yours or your partner’s, can be a poison pill for attraction.
As the great philosopher Nietzsche once said, “We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.”
And in a relationship, dwelling on past mistakes is like refusing to dance, refusing to live in the present and enjoy the music of the moment.
Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth.
If you or your partner have apologized and made amends, it’s time to let go and move forward.
Embrace forgiveness, learn from the past, but live in the present.
After all, today’s moments are tomorrow’s memories. Don’t let them be overshadowed by yesterday’s shadows.
8) Not expressing appreciation
This is a hard truth but one that needs to be said: love isn’t just about feelings, it’s about actions and words too.
When was the last time you genuinely expressed appreciation for your partner?
When did you last tell them how much you value their presence in your life, their love, their support, or the little things they do for you?
Not expressing appreciation can make your partner feel unvalued and unloved. And nothing kills attraction faster than feeling unappreciated.
Make it a daily habit to express gratitude and appreciation for your partner.
A simple ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’ can go a long way in keeping the attraction alive. Love thrives in an atmosphere of appreciation and respect.
Conclusion
Maintaining long-term attraction in a relationship is a journey, not a destination. It’s about continuously learning, growing, and adapting.
Saying goodbye to these eight behaviors is a great starting point. It’s not about becoming a perfect partner, but the best version of yourself.
If you’re eager to delve deeper and work on building a healthier relationship dynamic, I invite you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Remember, love is a beautiful journey. Make it worthwhile.
