There’s a striking difference between understanding your partner and merely trying to keep them happy.
The difference is all about awareness. Often, people who constantly find themselves struggling to maintain their partner’s happiness are unconsciously exhibiting certain traits.
These traits tend to push their partners away, rather than drawing them closer. And the worst part is, they usually don’t even realize they’re doing it!
In this article, I’m going to shed light on these common traits.
So buckle up and get ready to learn something new about yourself – it might just be the key to a happier, healthier relationship!
1) Overcompensating
Ever noticed how some people just try too hard to keep their partners happy? This is a classic sign of overcompensation.
Overcompensation is when you go out of your way to do things for your partner, often because you’re insecure about your place in the relationship.
This could be constantly buying gifts, always agreeing with them even when you don’t really agree, or putting their needs before yours all the time.
While it might seem like a good strategy to keep your partner happy, overcompensation often backfires.
It can come across as insincere or even suffocating. After all, a healthy relationship is about balance and mutual respect – not one person constantly bending over backward for the other.
Worst of all, many people who overcompensate don’t even realize they’re doing it. They think they’re just being an attentive partner. But in reality, they’re only pushing their partner away.
2) Avoiding conflict
Ironically, one common trait of people who struggle to keep their partner happy is the constant avoidance of conflict.
Think about it. The natural instinct when you sense a disagreement brewing is to squash it immediately, right? Nobody enjoys arguing, so it seems like the best way to maintain happiness is to sidestep any potential conflicts.
However, believe it or not, avoiding conflict can actually lead to more unhappiness in the long run. This is because issues that aren’t addressed don’t just disappear – they fester and grow, often leading to bigger blowouts down the line.
Moreover, avoiding conflict sends the wrong message. It might seem like you’re keeping the peace, but really, you’re just sweeping problems under the rug.
This can make your partner feel unheard and invalidated, which is the opposite of what you want in a healthy relationship.
3) Displaying codependent behavior
This is a big one, and it’s something I delve into in depth in my book.
Codependency is an unhealthy emotional dependence on your partner. It’s when your happiness, self-worth, and identity are so tied to your partner that it blurs the boundaries between where they end and you begin.
If you’re constantly sacrificing your own needs for the sake of your partner, feeling anxious when they’re not around, or basing your worth on their approval, these are signs of codependency.
While it might seem like these behaviors show your dedication and love, they’re actually harmful for both you and your relationship. They create an imbalanced dynamic where one person’s needs are always prioritized over the other’s.
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I explore the root causes of codependency and provide practical steps to help people break free from these destructive patterns.
If you see yourself in this description, don’t despair. Awareness is the first step towards change. And with some effort and self-love, it’s entirely possible to build a healthier, more balanced relationship dynamic.
4) Neglecting self-care
You’ve probably heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” This is especially true in relationships.
People who struggle to keep their partner happy often neglect their own needs. They’re so focused on their partner’s happiness that they forget to take care of themselves.
But as Eleanor Brownn so wisely said, “Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” This means you can’t truly be there for your partner if you’re not taking care of your own physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
I’ve learned this the hard way in my own life – when I’m run down and not taking care of myself, I’m not the best partner I can be. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and put yourself last, but it’s essential to carve out time for self-care.
Whether it’s taking a relaxing bath, going for a run, meditating, or simply enjoying a good book, make sure you’re setting aside time for yourself. Your relationship will thank you for it.
5) Lack of communication
Now, this might seem pretty obvious, but you’d be surprised how often it’s overlooked. Good communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship.
I’ve seen it time and time again in my own relationships and those of my friends and clients – when communication breaks down, everything else soon follows.
If you’re struggling to keep your partner happy, chances are you’re not effectively communicating with them. Maybe you’re not expressing your needs clearly, or perhaps you’re not actively listening when your partner speaks.
Remember, communication isn’t just about talking – it’s about listening and understanding as well. It’s about being open and honest with your feelings, even when it’s hard.
Take a step back and consider whether your communication could use some work. It might seem like a small change, but it can make a world of difference.
6) Constantly seeking validation
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one,” Eleanor Roosevelt once said. And she was absolutely right.
In my journey as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that people who struggle to keep their partner happy often have a deep-seated need for validation. They constantly seek reassurance and approval from their partner, often at the cost of their own individuality.
However, relying on someone else for your self-worth can lead to an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. It’s important to remember that your worth is inherent. You don’t need anyone else’s validation to know that you are valuable and deserving of love.
For more insights and articles on building healthier relationships, I invite you to follow me on Facebook. I share all my latest content there, and I’d love for you to join our growing community!
7) Avoiding vulnerability
Let’s get real here. Vulnerability is scary. It means opening yourself up and showing your partner your true self, warts and all.
Many people who struggle to keep their partner happy often avoid showing their vulnerable side. They put up walls and wear masks, afraid that if their partner sees their true self, they won’t be accepted.
But here’s the raw truth: vulnerability is the key to deep, lasting connections. It’s about letting your guard down and allowing your partner to see the real you. It’s about being honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Avoiding vulnerability might feel safer in the short term, but in the long run, it only creates distance and misunderstanding in your relationship.
A deeper dive
While we’ve covered a lot of ground today, understanding and altering our behavioral patterns is a journey, not a destination. The complexities of human behavior and emotions are deeply rooted in our personal experiences, upbringing, and inherent personality traits.
The beauty lies in realizing that change is possible. As you develop self-awareness and work on these traits, you’ll become better equipped to build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
To help you delve deeper into this journey, I’m suggesting a video by Justin Brown. In this video, he explores the complexities of finding a life partner, reflecting on his personal experience after a failed date and the lessons he learned.
From understanding the importance of shared values to the significance of growth and mutual support in a relationship, he shares his top insights to help you navigate the journey of finding a compatible partner.
Remember that it’s okay to stumble along the way. The important thing is to keep striving for growth and improvement. After all, our relationships are a reflection of our journey within ourselves.
And as we grow as individuals, our relationships too, will flourish.
