Narcissists have a hard time accepting defeat, especially in arguments.
Their ego-driven need to maintain control and superiority often leads them to use manipulative tactics when they feel they’re losing.
Recognizing these behaviors can help anyone maintain their composure and avoid being drawn into their game.
Here are eight things a narcissist will do when they realize they’re losing an argument—and how to handle these situations with confidence.
1) They deflect
Deflection is the narcissist’s go-to move.
When they feel backed into a corner, when their arguments are falling apart, they will instinctively deflect.
They’ll shift the focus off themselves, steer the conversation onto a completely different topic, or even launch a personal attack against the person to avoid admitting defeat.
It’s like a magic trick—while they’re still trying to figure out what just happened, they’ve already moved onto a new argument where they’re back in control.
Baffling, isn’t it? But that’s just how the narcissist’s mind works.
It’s a complex maze of self-preservation techniques, and deflection is their first line of defense.
2) They play the victim
Oh, the victim card—a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook.
I remember a heated discussion with a friend who happened to be a narcissist.
As I started to win the argument, she suddenly became the victim.
She claimed I was attacking her personally, that I was being overly aggressive and she felt targeted.
She even brought up past instances where she felt ‘wronged’ by me, instances that were completely unrelated to our current discussion.
It was an unexpected shift that threw me off.
Rather than admitting defeat, she turned the tables and made herself the victim.
That’s exactly what narcissists do when they’re losing an argument—they paint themselves as the innocent party under attack to shift the blame and regain control.
3) They gaslight
Gaslighting—a term that’s been thrown around a lot lately.
It’s straight out of the narcissist’s arsenal and is a form of psychological manipulation where they make people question their own reality.
In the midst of an argument, when a narcissist senses defeat, they will subtly start to distort facts, twist their words, and even deny things that happened.
It’s an attempt to create a new reality where they’re not losing the argument.
In fact, the term “gaslighting” originates from a 1938 play called “Gas Light”, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane—that’s how far back this behavior stretches.
4) They project
Projection is another common tactic that narcissists use when they’re on the losing side of an argument.
They tend to project their own insecurities, failures, and wrongdoings onto the person they’re arguing with.
If they’ve done something wrong, they’ll accuse the person of doing exactly that; if they’re feeling insecure about something, they’ll point out those insecurities in them.
It’s a confusing and disorienting strategy meant to throw them off balance.
In essence, they’re reflecting their issues onto the person like a mirror.
The next time someone finds themselves being accused of something completely out of the blue during an argument with a narcissist, know that it’s about the narcissist and their attempt to shift the blame.
5) They manipulate
Manipulation is second nature to a narcissist—when they’re losing ground in an argument, they ramp up their manipulation tactics.
I’ve experienced this firsthand more times than I care to admit.
Just when I think I’ve cornered them with logic and facts, they somehow manage to twist the narrative, making me question my own stance.
They use guilt, flattery, or emotional blackmail—whatever it takes to regain the upper hand.
I’ve been made to feel guilty for standing my ground, praised for my ‘understanding’ when I’ve backed down, and even emotionally blackmailed into letting them have their way.
It’s a cunning game and one that takes a keen eye to spot but, once one does, it’s easier to stay firm and not get swayed by their manipulative tactics.
6) They agree, but not really
Here’s a tricky one: Sometimes, when a narcissist sees they’re losing an argument, they might suddenly appear to agree with anyone—but don’t be fooled.
This isn’t genuine agreement as it’s a calculated move to disarm the person, to make them lower their guard.
They’ll concede, seemingly admitting that they’re right, only to later backtrack on their words or twist them to suit their narrative.
Remember, it’s just another tactic in their playbook to regain control.
7) They dismiss
When a narcissist is losing an argument, they might resort to dismissing the argument altogether.
They’ll trivialize the issue at hand, making it seem unimportant or irrelevant.
“It’s not a big deal,” or “Why are we even arguing about this?” are common phrases they use.
The aim here is to invalidate a person’s concerns and make them feel like they’re overreacting.
By dismissing the argument, they dodge responsibility and avoid admitting defeat.
It’s a slick move, and one that’s often overlooked because it can seem like a logical end to a heated discussion.
8) They never truly concede
Here’s the ultimate truth: A narcissist will never genuinely admit they’ve lost an argument, no matter how clear the evidence against them is.
It’s not in their nature to accept defeat or acknowledge their mistakes.
Instead, they’ll exhaust every tactic—deflection, playing the victim, gaslighting, projection, manipulation, false agreement, and dismissal—just to avoid that admission.
A narcissist’s need to always be right is deeply ingrained in their personality.
Understanding this is crucial when dealing with a narcissist in any argumentative situation.
Understanding the narcissistic mind
In wrapping this up, I want people to remember that understanding the narcissist’s mind is about gaining insight into a complex and often misunderstood personality type.
Recognizing these tactics—deflection, playing the victim, gaslighting, projection, manipulation, false agreement, dismissal, and never truly conceding—is the first step in dealing with a narcissist effectively.
It’s about being aware of their moves and not letting them distract anyone from the truth.
These tactics are not about a specific person as they’re a reflection of the narcissist’s own internal struggle with their sense of self-worth and control.
As Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu once said, “The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.”
In dealing with a narcissist, sometimes the wisest move is not to engage at all.
Remember this as we navigate around the intricate labyrinth of a narcissist’s mind.
It’s a journey of understanding and awareness, one that can be as enlightening as it is challenging.
