It’s important to know the difference between being confident and being self-centered. It’s even more critical to recognize when someone lacks empathy.
Understanding this isn’t always straightforward, but psychology gives us a helping hand.
In this article, I’m going to share nine clear signs that someone is self-centered and has very little empathy, according to psychological studies. These signs can help you identify those who might not value your feelings as much as their own.
Keep reading if you want to avoid the emotional drain of dealing with such individuals.
Let’s dive in.
1) They always put themselves first
In our interactions with others, we often find some individuals who just can’t seem to step outside their own world. These are people who consistently prioritize their needs and desires over those of others.
Psychology tells us that this is a key sign of being self-centered. It’s not about being confident or assertive; it’s about a lack of concern for other people’s needs, feelings or perspectives.
The self-centered person will always make sure they’re comfortable, even if it means making others uncomfortable. They’ll choose the restaurant, dictate the movie, decide the itinerary, usually without asking what others prefer.
This behavior isn’t simply about taking control – it’s an indication of their lack of empathy. They don’t genuinely care about how their actions impact others, which is a red flag to be aware of.
2) Lack of interest in your life
I remember once having a friend who never seemed interested in my life. Our conversations were always about his latest achievements, his plans, his problems. If I tried to share something about myself, he would quickly steer the conversation back to him.
According to psychology, this is another clear sign of self-centeredness and lack of empathy. A person who displays little to no interest in your life, your perspectives, or your feelings is likely self-absorbed.
They might not ask how you are, or if they do, it’s only as a courtesy or a conversation starter before they delve into their own stories. The fact that they don’t genuinely want to know about you reflects their lack of empathy and inability to connect with others on a deeper level.
3) Inability to handle criticism
Handling criticism is a part of life. However, those who are self-centered often struggle with this, reacting defensively or even aggressively when their actions or ideas are questioned.
This reaction is rooted in the fact that self-centered individuals often have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe their views are superior. Any form of criticism, therefore, is seen as a direct threat to their self-image.
Psychological studies reveal that this inability to accept or learn from criticism can be a strong sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a psychological condition characterized by extreme self-centeredness and lack of empathy.
4) They rarely express genuine gratitude
Gratitude signifies an appreciation for others and an awareness of the positive actions they bring to our lives. However, those who are self-centered often struggle to express genuine gratitude.
They might take others for granted or believe they are entitled to the good things that come their way. This lack of gratitude can extend to every aspect of their lives, from close relationships to interactions with colleagues or service providers.
This behavior reflects their self-focus and lack of empathy. They fail to appreciate the feelings, efforts, and needs of others, further reinforcing their self-centeredness.
5) They’re poor listeners
Ever had a conversation with someone who is just waiting for their turn to speak, rather than genuinely listening to what you’re saying? That’s a classic sign of a self-centered person.
Good listening skills are key to understanding and empathizing with others. It shows that you value their thoughts and feelings. However, self-centered individuals often lack this ability.
They may interrupt you, fail to respond appropriately, or quickly steer the conversation back to themselves. This behavior reveals their lack of interest in others’ perspectives and an inability to empathize with their experiences.
6) They struggle with genuine emotional connections
We all crave deep, meaningful connections with others. These bonds are formed through mutual understanding, shared experiences, and empathy. However, self-centered individuals often struggle to form these connections.
Despite their outward confidence and charisma, they may keep people at arm’s length emotionally. Their relationships often revolve around their needs and interests, making it difficult for them to connect on a deeper level.
This lack of emotional connection can be heartbreaking, not only for the self-centered individuals themselves but also for those who care about them. It’s a clear indication of their struggle to understand and empathize with the feelings of others.
7) They have a hard time apologizing
I once knew someone who had a real difficulty saying “I’m sorry.” Even when it was clear they were in the wrong, they would find ways to shift the blame or make excuses for their behavior.
Psychology tells us that this reluctance to apologize is often seen in those who are self-centered. Owning up to one’s mistakes requires humility and empathy, qualities that self-centered individuals often lack.
Rather than acknowledging their faults and making amends, they would prefer to protect their ego. This inability to sincerely apologize and take responsibility for their actions is a clear sign of self-centeredness and lack of empathy.
8) They constantly seek validation
While we all like to be appreciated and valued, self-centered individuals often take this to the extreme. They constantly seek praise, validation, and attention from others.
Whether it’s about their looks, their achievements, or their opinions, they crave constant reaffirmation. This need for validation often stems from a deep-seated insecurity and a desire to reinforce their self-importance.
However, this behavior also highlights their lack of empathy. They’re so focused on their own need for validation that they often disregard the feelings and needs of others.
9) They lack empathy for others
The most significant sign of a self-centered individual is their lack of empathy for others. Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another – is what allows us to connect deeply with others.
Self-centered individuals, however, often struggle with this. They find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, to feel their pain or share their joy. This lack of empathy is often due to their intense focus on themselves and their needs.
Without empathy, genuine relationships and deep connections become nearly impossible. As such, this trait is the most telling sign of a self-centered person.
Final thoughts: It’s about understanding
At the heart of recognizing self-centeredness and lack of empathy is a quest for understanding. Understanding others and their behavior helps us navigate our relationships and our world with more insight and compassion.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
This quote beautifully encapsulates the essence of empathy – truly hearing and understanding someone else, putting aside our self-focus.
Identifying the signs of self-centeredness and lack of empathy can be an essential step towards creating more meaningful connections and avoiding emotional drain. But remember, even those who exhibit these behaviors are capable of change.
As we conclude, reflect on your interactions, relationships, and perhaps even your own behavior. Who knows? This understanding might pave the way for deeper connections and meaningful change.
