Growing up, we often take our family’s behavior as the norm, not realizing that it might not have been as supportive as it should have been.
It’s a hard truth to swallow, but looking back, you might recognize some signs that indicate a lack of true support from your family.
According to psychology, there are certain signs that can help you identify this. By recognizing these signs, you can better understand your past and shape your future.
Here are seven signs that you grew up in a family that never truly supported you.
Let’s delve into them.
1) You often felt ignored or dismissed
Growing up, were your opinions and feelings often dismissed or outright ignored?
Psychology suggests this could be a sign of lack of support from your family. When your thoughts and feelings are regularly disregarded, it implies that your voice isn’t valued or respected.
This can be subtle. It might not be that your family explicitly told you to keep quiet. But if they frequently talked over you, disregarded your opinions, or gave more attention to other things while you were speaking, that’s a red flag.
Acknowledging this is the first step towards understanding the effects of your upbringing and working towards healing.
2) You were the family scapegoat
I remember a time in my life when I felt like everything that went wrong in the house was somehow my fault. If my siblings got into a fight, if something broke, or even if dinner got burnt, I was the one blamed.
This is a classic sign of being the family scapegoat. In psychology, being the family scapegoat means you’re made responsible for the family’s problems and conflicts, even when they’re out of your control. This can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem that persist into adulthood.
If you frequently found yourself shouldering blame for things that weren’t your fault, you might have been the scapegoat in your family. Recognizing this is key to breaking free from the cycle of guilt and blame.
3) Lack of emotional intimacy was the norm
Growing up, did you feel like your family was more like roommates than a close-knit group? Did you share more than just a living space, chores, and meals?
In a supportive family, emotional intimacy is fostered. This means openly sharing feelings, dreams, fears and achievements. However, in some families, this emotional sharing is missing. It’s like living in a house with walls so thick that even heartfelt feelings can’t penetrate.
According to the Journal of Family Psychology, emotional intimacy within the family plays a crucial role in our psychological well-being. A lack of such intimacy can result in feelings of loneliness and isolation.
If your family wasn’t big on expressing emotions or discussing personal issues, it could be a sign that they didn’t truly support you.
4) You felt a need to hide your true self
Did you ever feel like you had to hide your true self or pretend to be someone you’re not when you were around your family?
This can be a major sign that your family environment was not supportive. In a truly supportive family, members are encouraged to express themselves, their interests, and their individuality without fear of judgment or ridicule.
If you often found yourself suppressing your real personality, interests, or dreams to fit into what you thought your family wanted, then this is a clear indication of a lack of support. Recognizing this behavior can be an important step in reclaiming your authentic self.
5) Your achievements were often minimized
I remember coming home one day, beaming with pride after receiving an award at school. But instead of the congratulations I was expecting, I received a dismissive comment that it wasn’t a big deal.
If your accomplishments were frequently downplayed or met with indifference, you might have experienced a lack of support from your family. A supportive family celebrates each other’s achievements, big or small. They understand that these moments matter and help build confidence and self-esteem.
When your victories are constantly minimized or ignored, it can make you feel like you’re not good enough or that what you do doesn’t matter.
6) You were often compared to others
Did you constantly hear phrases like “Why can’t you be more like…” or “Your cousin/sibling/friend is better at…”?
Being frequently compared to others is a sign of a lack of support from your family. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and breed resentment. Each individual is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses.
In a truly supportive family, members are appreciated for their individual qualities and not measured against the abilities or achievements of others. If you were often compared to others, it’s important to understand that your worth is not defined by such comparisons.
7) You were expected to meet high standards without guidance
High expectations can be a positive force, pushing us to strive for success. But when these expectations come without guidance or support, it’s a different story.
If you were expected to achieve great things but were never given the tools or guidance to reach those goals, this could indicate a lack of support from your family. A truly supportive family not only has expectations but also provides the necessary support and resources to help you meet them.
Understanding this can be crucial in breaking free from unrealistic standards and learning to set your own achievable goals.
Unearthing the past for a better future
Understanding our past is an integral part of shaping our future. The signs of growing up in a family that never truly supported you can be subtle and deeply ingrained, often going unnoticed until adulthood.
Recognizing these signs is not about laying blame or harboring resentment. It’s about understanding your past and how it has shaped you. It’s about healing and growing, about breaking free from the chains of an unsupportive past and moving towards a healthier, happier future.
Renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
By acknowledging these signs, you are making the unconscious conscious. You are taking control of your narrative, understanding that your past does not define you, but informs you.
Remember, it’s not about dwelling in the past but learning from it. It’s not about playing the victim but becoming the hero of your own story.
