Feeling emotionally drained by your relationship is not a norm—it’s a sign. A sign that certain habits are draining the life out of you and your relationship.
Hey, I’m Tina Fey, the founder of Love Connection blog. I’ve been where you are, and trust me, it’s not a fun place to be.
So let’s take a hard look at those habits. The ones that leave you feeling like a wrung-out sponge at the end of the day.
In this article, we’re going to say goodbye to those 8 habits that are keeping you from enjoying your relationship. Because trust me, once they’re gone, you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted.
Let’s get started.
1) Overthinking every interaction
Have you ever found yourself replaying a conversation with your partner over and over again in your head? Or obsessing over a text message they sent (or didn’t send)?
Overthinking can turn molehills into mountains and create problems where there aren’t any. It can also keep you up at night, increase your stress levels, and frankly, just wear you out.
So if you’re constantly feeling emotionally drained in your relationship, it might be time to say goodbye to the habit of overthinking.
Remember, communication is key in any relationship. Instead of assuming or guessing what your partner is thinking, have an open and honest conversation with them. This can save you a lot of emotional energy and keep your relationship healthy.
It’s not always easy to let go of this habit but trust me, your heart (and your mind) will thank you for it.
2) Holding onto grudges
One of the most draining habits I’ve seen in relationships is holding onto grudges.
I get it — it felt really hurtful when your partner forgot your anniversary. Or when you’ve had a long, drawn-out argument.
But there’s no use stewing over it. If it’s in the past, leave it there.
Holding onto grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go—it weighs you down and leaves you feeling exhausted. What’s more, the only person it truly hurts is you because it robs you of peace and happiness.
So if you’re feeling emotionally drained by your relationship, try saying goodbye to this habit. Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
3) Being overly dependent
There’s a fine line between being in love and being overly dependent. And trust me, crossing that line can leave you feeling emotionally drained.
When you’re overly dependent, you rely on your partner for your happiness, self-esteem, and even your sense of identity. This is not only exhausting for you, but it can also put a lot of pressure on your partner.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this issue and share practical tips on how to break free from this draining habit.
A healthy relationship consists of two whole individuals, not two halves trying to make a whole.
4) Avoiding conflict at all costs
Now, this may sound counterintuitive. After all, isn’t peace and harmony the goal in a relationship?
Well, not always.
Here’s the thing: avoiding conflict at all costs can actually be more draining than facing it head-on.
When we constantly sweep issues under the rug, they don’t disappear. Instead, they fester and grow, turning into a ticking time bomb of resentment and unspoken anger.
I’ve been there—choosing silence over confrontation, thinking I was maintaining peace. But all I was doing was delaying an inevitable explosion.
Healthy conflict can be a tool for growth and understanding. It allows us to express our needs, understand our partner’s perspective, and find a compromise that works for both parties.
It’s okay to disagree sometimes—it’s how we handle disagreements that matter.
5) Neglecting self-care
In the throes of love, it’s easy to put our partner’s needs ahead of our own. We often think that constantly being there for our partner is a sign of a good relationship.
Nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn’t come at your own expense.
Neglecting your own needs and well-being in order to keep your partner happy is a sure path to feeling emotionally drained.
Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary. When we take care of ourselves—physically, mentally, and emotionally—we’re in a better place to love and support our partners.
So if you’re constantly feeling emotionally drained in your relationship, it might be time for a little more self-love and self-care. The fact is, you just can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.
6) Ignoring red flags
Let’s be brutally honest here. Sometimes, we see the red flags, clear as day, but we choose to ignore them.
It’s easy to convince ourselves that the little things don’t matter, or that maybe they’ll magically disappear with time.
Whether it’s constant criticism, disrespect, or subtle emotional manipulation, we downplay these issues, hoping that things will change or that we can somehow help our partners become a better version of themselves.
But here’s the hard truth: ignoring red flags doesn’t make them go away. It actually does the opposite.
By pushing these signs aside, we end up emotionally exhausted, feeling like we’re stuck in a loop of arguments, apologies, and empty promises. Instead of building a healthy relationship, we’re trapped in a cycle that chips away at our self-worth.
Recognizing red flags for what they are is the first step to breaking free from this cycle and giving ourselves the respect we deserve.
7) Comparing your relationship to others
In the age of social media, it’s easy to compare our relationships to the picture-perfect ones we see online.
If you’ve fallen into this trap, well then, it’s time to stop letting it drain you emotionally.
As Theodore Roosevelt wisely said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
When we compare our relationships to others, we’re not seeing the full picture. We’re only seeing the highlight reel, not the struggles and challenges that every couple faces.
And honestly, there’s just no point to it. Every relationship is unique and has its own journey. Focus on building and cherishing your own.
8) Staying in a relationship out of fear
Finally, here’s an uncomfortable truth: sometimes we stay in relationships long past their expiry date. Not because we’re happy, but because we’re scared.
Scared of being alone. Scared of starting over. Scared of admitting that the person we love isn’t good for us.
Hanging onto a relationship out of fear rather than love is never going to be fulfilling. In fact, I’d say it’ll feel like you’re holding onto a cactus– the longer you hold, the more it hurts.
So if you’re constantly feeling emotionally drained in your relationship, it might be time to say goodbye to the habit of staying out of fear.
I know it takes courage to let go of something familiar and step into the unknown. But sometimes, it’s the only way to find true happiness.
So, sit down and ask yourself the hard questions. Clarify any uncertainties you have about why you’re in the relationship. You are your best advocate, and only you can make the choice to prioritize your own well-being.
And you know what? Maybe you just haven’t realized it yet, but if you dig deep, you’ll find that you actually have the courage to step out on your own instead of settling for less.
Conclusion
Feeling emotionally drained in your relationship is not a life sentence—it’s a wake-up call.
It’s a sign that it’s time to say goodbye to these eight draining habits and start nurturing healthier ones. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but trust me, it’s worth it.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I share more insights and practical steps on how to break free from these habits and build healthier, happier relationships.
So here’s to saying goodbye to what no longer serves us and embracing healthier habits for a more fulfilling love life. You deserve it.
