Ever feel like your romantic relationship has turned into an unpaid therapy gig?
One minute you’re sharing a cute date night, and the next, you’re deep in a conversation about your partner’s childhood trauma, job stress, or endless emotional struggles.
Suddenly, you’re less of a partner and more of a full-time counselor, listening to all their problems while neglecting your own needs.
Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing: being supportive is one thing, but when you become your partner’s go-to therapist, it’s draining—and it’s definitely not healthy for the relationship.
If you’re starting to feel like you’re carrying the emotional load solo, it’s time to reassess.
Let’s break down 8 telltale signs that your partner’s treating you more like a shrink than a significant other—and why it’s time for a change!
1) One-sided conversations
We all have moments when we need to vent. But, when it’s always your partner doing the talking and you’re doing the listening, that’s a problem.
A relationship should be an exchange, a give-and-take of thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
When your partner is constantly unloading their emotional baggage onto you without reciprocation, it can feel like you’re in a one-way therapy session.
In the therapeutic setting, this might be okay. But within the context of a romantic relationship, it can cause an unhealthy imbalance.
2) You’re their emotional dumping ground
Ever felt like you’re bearing the weight of your partner’s world on your shoulders?
Like I mentioned in the first point, it’s one thing to lend a supportive ear, but it’s another thing entirely to become a receptacle for your partner’s worries, fears, and frustrations.
When your time together is consumed by their negative emotions and you feel emotionally drained after each interaction, that’s a clear sign you’re being treated as a therapist.
From personal experience, I can tell you that this is not a sustainable dynamic long term.
It’s important to address this issue before it takes a toll on the health of your relationship.
3) They’re reliant on you for problem-solving
Are you constantly the one who has to come up with solutions to your partner’s problems? If so, that’s not only unfair, it’s also a clear sign they’re treating you like their personal therapist.
In a healthy relationship, problem-solving should be a shared responsibility.
Your partner should be able to face their issues, and while you can offer support, they shouldn’t expect you to do all the heavy lifting.
I’ve had my fair share of experiences in this area and I discuss it in-depth in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a must-read for anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation.
In the book, I share methods and strategies to help establish healthier dynamics in your relationship.
Remember, it’s not your job to solve all of your partner’s problems – they need to take accountability too.
4) They don’t actually want your advice
Here’s something that might sound counterintuitive: sometimes, when your partner treats you like their therapist, they don’t actually want or expect you to come up with solutions.
Instead, they’re just looking for a safe space to unload their emotions, their fears, and their frustrations.
They want you to listen, to empathize, but not necessarily to fix their problems.
While it’s natural to want to help the person you love, it’s important to remember that you’re not their therapist. You’re their partner.
It’s not your responsibility to absorb all their emotional turmoil without any provision for your own well-being.
5) They avoid seeking professional help
In my own journey, I’ve realized that sometimes people lean heavily on their partners when they’re afraid or hesitant to seek professional help.
If your partner is consistently offloading their emotional struggles onto you, yet resists the idea of talking to a professional therapist, that’s a red flag.
Therapy isn’t something to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s a brave step towards self-awareness and healing.
As a partner, while it’s important to be supportive and understanding, it’s equally important to encourage your loved one to seek the right help.
6) You feel overwhelmed
Let’s get real here.
It’s a glaring sign that they’re treating you like their therapist if, due to the weight of your partner’s issues, you’re constantly feeling:
- Overwhelmed
- Emotionally drained
- Stressed or anxious
Your feelings matter too. It’s okay to admit that you’re not equipped to handle all of your partner’s emotional baggage.
It doesn’t make you a bad partner or a bad person. It simply means that you’re human with your own emotional bandwidth.
Love shouldn’t exhaust you. It should energize and uplift you. If it’s doing the opposite, it’s time to have a serious conversation about the dynamics of your relationship.
7) Lack of personal time and space
Personal space and time are essential for any individual, and a healthy relationship respects that. But when your partner starts treating you like their therapist, this often gets compromised.
If your ‘me-time‘ is continually being invaded by your partner’s need to vent or seek advice, it’s a sign that boundaries are being crossed.
I remember a time in my life when I felt suffocated, as if my entire existence revolved around my partner’s emotional needs. It was exhausting and unhealthy.
The renowned relationship expert, Esther Perel once said, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” And she couldn’t be more right.
8) Your own emotional needs are neglected
Here’s a hard truth: if you’re so caught up in being your partner’s therapist, who’s there to care for your emotions?
If you’re constantly on the receiving end of their emotional unloading, it’s easy for your own feelings and needs to be sidelined.
That’s not fair to you. In a relationship, you’re supposed to be equals, each caring for the other.
Your emotional well-being matters just as much as your partner’s. If you’re feeling unheard, unvalued or neglected because all the focus is on them, it’s time for a change.
Conclusion
Navigating a relationship where you’re being treated more like a therapist than a partner can be tough. I’ve been there, and I can tell you it’s not easy, but change is possible.
The first step is recognizing these signs and acknowledging that something needs to shift in your relationship dynamics.
The next step? Taking action.
My book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, offers practical advice and strategies to help you navigate this journey.
Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to prioritize your own emotional well-being. And it’s more than okay to seek professional help when needed.
You’re not alone in this, and there are resources out there to help, including my book.
