Respect is something we all crave, but sometimes our actions can undermine our chances of earning it.
Take people-pleasing behaviors for instance. While they might earn you some temporary favor, in the long run, they’re likely to erode the respect people have for you.
If you’re serious about being treated with respect, it’s time to bid farewell to these behaviors.
In this article, I’m going to guide you through 8 people-pleasing habits you need to eliminate to command the respect you deserve.
Let’s dive in.
1) Always saying “yes”
One of the most common people-pleasing behaviors is the inability to say “no”.
You may think that always agreeing and saying “yes” to every request or demand will make you liked. But in reality, it can often lead to a lack of respect.
Why? Because always saying “yes” can make you seem like a pushover. It can come across as if you have no personal boundaries or values of your own.
While it’s important to be helpful and agreeable, it’s equally important to know when to stand your ground and say “no”.
Respect is earned when you show that you value your own time and energy as much as others’. So, don’t be afraid to say “no” when you need to.
2) Over-apologizing
I can’t count the number of times I’ve found myself saying “sorry” for things that didn’t warrant an apology.
Whether it was stepping slightly into someone’s way on a busy street or delivering work a few minutes later than promised, I had this habit of apologizing excessively. It was as if I was trying to apologize for my very existence.
Over time, I realized that this constant apologizing was making me come across as less confident and undermining the respect others had for me. It’s one thing to apologize when you’ve made a genuine mistake, but chronically saying “sorry” for minor infractions or things beyond your control can be detrimental to how others perceive you.
By consciously working on this habit, I started to regain my self-respect, and with it, the respect of others. It’s a journey, but it starts with acknowledging the problem and then taking steps to fix it.
3) Seeking constant validation
Did you know that the need for constant validation can stem from a deep-seated fear of rejection?
This fear often leads people to constantly seek approval and validation from others. However, this behavior can be seen as needy or insecure, which can ultimately result in a loss of respect.
The key is to find validation within yourself. Recognize your own worth and stop depending on others to affirm your value. When you learn to validate yourself, you exude confidence and self-assuredness – qualities that naturally command respect.
Your worth isn’t defined by what others think of you. It’s defined by what you think of yourself.
4) Suppressing your own opinions
When you’re constantly trying to please others, you might find yourself suppressing your own opinions. You might go along with what everyone else is saying just to avoid conflict or to fit in.
However, this habit can lead others to believe that you don’t have a mind of your own or that you’re not confident enough to voice your thoughts.
The truth is, having and expressing a differing opinion isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you have critical thinking skills and that you’re not afraid to stand up for what you believe in.
Instead of nodding along with everyone else, try expressing your own thoughts. You might be surprised at the respect you gain.
5) Neglecting your own needs
At the heart of people-pleasing behavior lies a tendency to put others’ needs before your own.
You might think that by always prioritizing others, you’re showing kindness and selflessness. But over time, it can lead to a sense of self-neglect and undermine people’s respect for you.
Why? Because constantly sacrificing your own needs sends a message that you don’t value yourself. How can others respect you if you don’t respect yourself?
It’s crucial to understand that taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. And when you start respecting your own needs, you’ll find others will too.
After all, respect starts from within.
6) Allowing others to disrespect you
There was a time in my life when I let people walk all over me. I would often stay silent when someone disrespected me, thinking that confronting them would make me unlikable.
But I quickly realized that by not standing up for myself, I was inadvertently giving them permission to continue their disrespectful behavior.
It was a tough lesson to learn, but it made me understand that respect is a two-way street. If you want others to respect you, you must first show that you won’t tolerate being disrespected.
Standing up for yourself is not confrontational; it’s a sign of self-respect. And when you respect yourself, others will follow suit.
7) Overcommitting
A classic people-pleasing habit is to overcommit. Saying yes to every request or opportunity that comes your way can lead to a schedule that’s bursting at the seams.
But here’s the thing – when you overcommit, you run the risk of under-delivering. And nothing erodes respect faster than not living up to your promises.
It’s important to understand your limits and only commit to things you know you can deliver on.
Learning to manage your time and commitments effectively shows that you respect not only your own time but others’ too. And this, in turn, earns you their respect.
8) Failing to establish boundaries
The most essential step in breaking free from people-pleasing behaviors is establishing boundaries.
Boundaries are the invisible lines that define what we’re comfortable with and how we expect to be treated. They’re crucial for maintaining self-respect and commanding respect from others.
When you fail to set boundaries, you allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity. But when you communicate your limits clearly, you show that you value your own wellbeing.
Establishing boundaries isn’t about being unkind or selfish; it’s about respecting yourself and expecting the same from others. It’s the cornerstone of earning respect in life.
Final thoughts: Self-respect starts with you
At the heart of earning respect is understanding your own worth.
As humans, we often mirror the behaviors we see in others. If you show that you value yourself, it sends a clear message to those around you that they should do the same.
The American psychologist Abraham Maslow, known for creating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, once said, “We can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
Choosing to let go of people-pleasing behaviors is choosing growth. It’s choosing self-respect over fear of rejection. It’s choosing authenticity over approval.
As you embark on this journey towards self-respect, remember that it’s a continuous process. It’s about making intentional choices each day to respect yourself and establish boundaries.
And as you do, you’ll find that others will start to reflect the respect you show towards yourself. Because ultimately, how you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you.
