Emotional intelligence is reflected in how we communicate, empathize, and navigate relationships.
People with low emotional intelligence often struggle to understand or respect others’ feelings, and this is especially evident in the phrases they use.
These remarks can come across as dismissive, insensitive, or self-centered, often leaving others feeling unheard or invalidated.
Here are some common phrases that reveal a lack of emotional intelligence:
1) “Calm down.”
Emotional intelligence is about understanding and managing emotions—both your own and others’—including empathy, compassion, and respect.
Asking someone to “calm down” in the middle of an emotional moment is like throwing gasoline on a fire.
It shows a lack of empathy, understanding, and it invalidates the other person’s feelings.
Rather than helping to resolve the situation, it can often make things worse.
It’s dismissive and implies that the person’s emotions are not valid or important.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about controlling other people’s emotions, it’s about understanding them.
2) “I’m just being honest!”
I recall a time when a friend of mine was seeking advice on a personal matter.
I, in an attempt to be helpful, gave my blunt opinion and ended it with “I’m just being honest”.
Did it help? No.
Did it hurt my friend? Yes.
What I failed to realize then is that honesty doesn’t equate to being brutally blunt or harsh; it’s about being truthful but also sensitive, understanding, and respectful of other people’s feelings.
This phrase is often used as an excuse to say something hurtful or negative as it shows a lack of emotional intelligence because it disregards the impact of our words on other people.
Emotional intelligence involves understanding how our words can affect others and choosing them carefully.
While honesty is certainly important, it needs to be balanced with empathy and consideration for the feelings of others.
3) “That’s not my problem.”
This phrase shows a lack of empathy and compassion, two key components of emotional intelligence.
Interestingly, research has found that our brains are wired to feel empathy.
When we see someone in pain or distress, mirror neurons in our brains fire in the same way they would if we were experiencing that pain or distress ourselves.
When someone says, “That’s not my problem,” they’re essentially dismissing their own natural empathetic response.
They’re choosing to disengage from the other person’s experience instead of offering support or understanding.
Having emotional intelligence doesn’t necessarily mean taking on everyone else’s problems as your own, but it does mean acknowledging their feelings and showing empathy.
4) “Whatever!”
“Whatever” is a phrase that seems innocuous on the surface, but it’s really a loaded word.
It’s dismissive, indifferent, and can convey a lack of respect for the other person’s feelings or opinions.
Using “whatever” to end a conversation or argument shows a lack of emotional intelligence because it fails to acknowledge or validate the other person’s perspective.
It shuts down communication instead of encouraging understanding or resolution.
Instead of saying “whatever”, try expressing your feelings more clearly.
If you’re feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, say so—open communication is key to building strong, emotionally intelligent relationships.
5) “You’re too sensitive.”
I remember a time when I was sharing my feelings with someone close to me. I was feeling hurt and wanted to express that.
However, instead of understanding and empathy, I was met with “You’re too sensitive”.
This phrase is a classic sign of low emotional intelligence.
It invalidates the other person’s feelings and shifts the blame onto them, instead of taking responsibility for our own actions or words that might have caused hurt.
Emotional intelligence involves understanding and validating others’ feelings, not dismissing or belittling them.
6) “It’s just business.”
“It’s just business” is a phrase often used to justify decisions that negatively impact others.
But here’s the thing: Business is about people and disregarding the human element in favor of profits or efficiency shows a lack of emotional intelligence.
This phrase can be used to shrug off responsibility for actions that may harm others, emotionally or otherwise.
It shows an inability to empathize with those affected by these decisions.
Keep in mind that emotional intelligence in business involves understanding and considering the feelings of all stakeholders – employees, customers, and even competitors.
7) “I don’t care!”
Possibly the clearest indicator of low emotional intelligence is the phrase “I don’t care”.
Emotional intelligence is fundamentally about caring—understanding and empathizing with the feelings and experiences of others.
When someone says “I don’t care”, they’re expressing indifference to the feelings, thoughts, or experiences of others—this is a clear sign that they may lack emotional intelligence.
Caring enough to listen, understand, and validate their feelings shows genuine emotional intelligence.
Final thoughts: Emotional intelligence is a skill
It’s essential to remember that emotional intelligence isn’t an innate trait that you either have or you don’t—it’s a skill, one that can be cultivated and developed over time.
The phrases we’ve explored are indicators of low emotional intelligence, but they aren’t definitive.
They’re habits, patterns of speech that we can fall into without realizing their impact.
But awareness is the first step towards change; if we understand the implications of our words, we can choose to communicate in ways that show empathy, understanding, and respect for others’ feelings.
As the American psychologist and author Daniel Goleman once said, “Emotional intelligence begins to develop in the earliest years. All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages.”
If you recognize any of these phrases in your own speech or in others’, take it as an opportunity to foster better emotional understanding.
After all, improving our emotional intelligence is not just about becoming better communicators; it’s about becoming better human beings.
