Criticism sticks. Especially when you hear it over and over again as a child.
Maybe it was about the way you talked, the way you looked, or the choices you made. Maybe it was subtle—constant corrections, comparisons, or backhanded comments that made you feel like you could never do anything right.
The thing is, growing up with constant criticism doesn’t just fade away when you become an adult. It seeps into your habits, your self-talk, and even the way you interact with others—often without you even realizing it.
In this article, we’ll go over seven things you might be doing without realizing they stem from a childhood filled with criticism.
The good news? Once you recognize these patterns, you can start rewriting the script and unlearning the habits that no longer serve you.
1. Over-apologizing
You know that feeling when you’re always saying sorry, even for the smallest things? It’s like a reflex – someone bumps into you, and you’re the one apologizing.
It’s not that you’re clumsy or thoughtless. It’s just that somewhere along the line, you learned that everything was your fault. You were criticized so much that you started to believe it, so now you apologize for things that aren’t even your fault.
This behavior goes beyond mere politeness and consideration. It’s about feeling responsible for everything and everyone around you, because when you were a kid, all the blame somehow always landed on you.
But here’s the thing – it’s not your fault. And you don’t have to keep saying sorry for things that aren’t your responsibility.
2. Seeking constant validation
I remember a time when I aced a test, and instead of celebrating my success, I found myself anxiously waiting for someone to confirm that I did well.
It’s strange, isn’t it? But when you’ve been criticized over and over again, you start to feel like nothing you do is good enough. You second-guess yourself at every turn and look to others for validation, for that much needed nod of approval.
Like that time I painted a picture, and instead of enjoying the process or the final result, all I could think about was whether others would like it. Would they think it’s good? Would they criticize it?
This constant need for validation is exhausting and can rob you of your ability to be proud of your own achievements. But know this – your worth isn’t determined by what others think of you. You’re more than good enough exactly as you are.
3. Struggling with self-esteem
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This quote has stuck with me for a long time, and it took me a while to understand what it really meant.
Growing up with constant criticism can make you feel like you’re not good enough.
It’s like a voice in the back of your head, always telling you that you’re falling short, that you’ll never be enough. It chips away at your self-esteem, making it difficult to appreciate your own worth.
Over time, you start to believe those words. You feel inferior and carry that feeling into adulthood.
But here’s the truth – your worth is not defined by the opinions of others, but by your own belief in yourself. And while it may take time to silence that critical voice in your head, remember – it doesn’t have the final say on your worth. You do.
This brings me to the next point…
4. Being overly self-critical
Did you know that the human brain tends to remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones? It’s a survival mechanism, something that helped our ancestors stay alive in a dangerous world.
But when you’ve been constantly criticized as a child, this mechanism can go into overdrive. You start replaying those negative experiences over and over in your head, becoming your own harshest critic.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve looked in the mirror and only seen my flaws. Or the times I’ve finished a project and instead of feeling proud, I’ve picked it apart, focusing only on what could have been better.
It’s like living with a constant echo of those childhood criticisms, except now, it’s in your own voice.
But let’s get one thing straight – nobody’s perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes, to have flaws. It’s all part of being human.
5. Difficulty accepting compliments
There’s this funny thing I do when someone compliments me. Instead of saying a simple “thank you,” I start to downplay it, making excuses or changing the subject.
It’s almost like a reflex, this inability to accept that someone might see something good in me. Because when criticism is all you’ve ever known, compliments can feel foreign, even uncomfortable. They don’t match the self-image you hold inside you.
I remember the first time someone told me I was good at something. It felt odd, almost wrong. Instead of feeling happy, I felt confused and unsure of how to react.
But here’s what I’ve learned – every compliment is a gift. It’s someone seeing something positive in you and choosing to acknowledge it. And while it might feel strange at first, it’s okay to accept these gifts and allow them to nurture your self-esteem.
6. Fear of failure
When you grow up being constantly criticized, mistakes start to feel like more than just learning experiences—they feel like proof that you’re not good enough.
Instead of seeing failure as a stepping stone to growth, you might start avoiding risks altogether, fearing the judgment and disappointment that could come with it.
This fear can show up in different ways.
Some people become perfectionists, obsessing over every detail to make sure they never mess up.
Others procrastinate or give up too soon because deep down, it feels safer not to try than to try and fail.
Even when they achieve something great, there’s often a lingering worry that it’s not good enough.
But failure isn’t the enemy—it’s a natural part of learning and improving. The key is shifting the mindset from “What if I fail?” to “What can I learn from this?”
Letting go of the fear doesn’t happen overnight, but with practice, it becomes easier to take chances and trust that mistakes don’t define you.
7. Difficulty expressing emotions
When a child is constantly criticized, they often learn that their feelings aren’t welcome.
Maybe they were told they were “too sensitive” when they got upset or mocked for expressing excitement.
Over time, they start suppressing their emotions, believing that keeping quiet is safer than being judged.
As adults, this can lead to struggles with emotional expression. They might bottle things up, struggle to put their feelings into words, or dismiss their own emotions as “not a big deal.”
Even in close relationships, opening up can feel uncomfortable, as if showing vulnerability will invite criticism or rejection.
The problem is, unspoken emotions don’t just disappear—they build up.
Learning to express feelings in a healthy way takes time, but it starts with recognizing that emotions aren’t a weakness. They’re a part of being human. With practice, sharing emotions can feel less like a risk and more like a path to deeper connections.
Moving forward
Recognizing these patterns in yourself can be a tough pill to swallow. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame, but remember – this isn’t about who’s at fault. It’s about understanding your past and how it’s shaped you.
The good news is, you’re not alone. A lot of us have been there, and we’ve come out stronger on the other side.
It starts with awareness. By acknowledging these tendencies, you’re already on the path to change. From here, it’s all about learning to love and accept yourself, just as you are.
It won’t happen overnight, but step by step, you can unlearn these patterns. Start by being kind to yourself, by celebrating your accomplishments no matter how small.
You might consider seeking professional help – therapists and counselors can provide valuable tools and insights for this journey. Remember, there’s no shame in asking for help.
And as you continue this journey of self-discovery and self-love, remember – it’s okay to stumble, it’s okay to fall. What matters is that you keep moving forward, one step at a time.
