Being a parent is a balancing act. You want your kids to respect you, but also to feel proud to call you their parent.
There’s a fine line between being a loving parent and becoming a figure of embarrassment or disappointment for your children.
It’s all about the behaviors you exhibit and the habits you nurture. And if you want your children to see you as an inspiration, there are certain behaviors you definitely need to ditch.
In this piece, we’re going to delve into 7 behaviors that can sabotage your child’s pride in you and how to avoid them. It’s time to say goodbye to these habits and hello to a stronger, prouder relationship with your kids.
1) Frequent criticism
As a parent, it’s natural to want the best for your children and to help them improve. But there’s a hidden trap in this noble intention – criticism.
Criticism, especially when it’s frequent and harsh, can be damaging. It can erode your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem, leading them to question their worth.
Instead of feeling proud of you as a parent, they may start to feel inadequate and unloved.
It’s crucial to replace criticism with constructive feedback. This involves pointing out what they did well, acknowledging their effort, and then gently guiding them on how they can improve.
This way, you’re not just avoiding damage; you’re building a stronger bond with your child. You’re showing them that you believe in their potential and that you’re there to support them, not pull them down.
Remember, your words have power. Use them wisely.
2) Over-controlling
I remember a time when I tried to micromanage every single aspect of my child’s day – from the food they ate, to the clothes they wore, to the friends they hung out with.
I thought I was doing it for their best, but soon, I began to notice a distance creeping in between us. My child, who used to share everything with me, started to keep things to himself. That was a wake-up call.
Being over-controlling as a parent can make your children feel suffocated and restricted. They need space to make their own decisions, learn from their mistakes, and grow as individuals.
By trying to control every aspect of their lives, you’re actually hindering their growth and creating a barrier between you.
I learned to let go. Sure, I was still there to guide them, but I gave them the freedom they needed to make their own choices.
And believe me, it made a world of difference. Our relationship improved and my child felt proud knowing he had a parent who trusted him and respected his autonomy.
3) Lack of empathy
The capacity to understand and share the feelings of others, also known as empathy, is a crucial element in building strong relationships.
Studies have shown that children who perceive their parents as empathetic tend to have higher self-esteem and better mental health. They feel understood and valued, which in turn makes them proud of their parents.
However, when parents lack empathy, children may feel unheard and unimportant. This can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.
To build empathy, it’s important to actively listen to your children, validate their feelings, and show them that you genuinely care about their experiences.
This will not only make them feel loved and valued but also proud to have you as a parent.
4) Breaking promises
Trust is a vital component of any relationship and it’s no different when it comes to parenting.
If you make a promise to your child, whether it’s about attending their school play or something as simple as a trip to the park, make sure you follow through.
Breaking promises can lead your child to question your reliability. Over time, they might start to feel that they can’t count on you, which can seriously damage their trust and pride in you as their parent.
It’s better to under-promise and over-deliver than the other way around. If circumstances prevent you from keeping your word, explain the situation to them honestly and apologize sincerely.
This will teach them that everyone makes mistakes and it’s important to take responsibility for them.
5) Lack of self-care
There was a time when I found myself constantly tired, irritable, and just generally unhappy. I was so focused on taking care of everyone else that I forgot to take care of myself.
This not only affected my well-being, but it also impacted my relationship with my children.
My fatigue and irritability translated into impatience and harsh words which were certainly not the memories I wanted my kids to have of me.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary. When you’re healthy and happy, you’re in a better position to be a good parent.
Practicing self-care sets an example for your children about the importance of personal well-being. It also sends the message that you value yourself, which in turn can make your children feel proud to have you as their parent.
So, don’t forget to take time for yourself – whether it’s a relaxing bath, a walk in the park or simply a few minutes of peace and quiet. Your children will thank you for it.
6) Being a poor listener
Communication is a two-way street. While it’s important to guide and advise your children, it’s equally important to listen to them.
Children want to be heard. They want their feelings acknowledged and their opinions valued. When you actively listen to your children, you show them that their thoughts and feelings matter.
On the contrary, failing to listen can lead your child to feel ignored or undervalued. They may start to feel that their opinions don’t matter, which can dent their pride in you as a parent.
Next time your child wants to talk, put down your phone, turn off the TV and give them your undivided attention.
You’ll be surprised at how much this simple act of listening can strengthen your bond with your child and make them proud to call you their parent.
7) Neglecting to express love
Above all, the most crucial behavior to avoid is neglecting to express your love. Love is the cornerstone of any parent-child relationship. It’s not just about saying “I love you”, but also showing it through your actions.
Regardless of age, every child needs to feel loved and cherished. When you express your love, you give your child a sense of security and belonging.
This not only boosts their self-esteem but also makes them proud to have you as their parent.
Hug them, kiss them, tell them how much they mean to you, and show your love through your actions. It’s the simplest yet most powerful way to make your children feel proud to call you their parent.
Final thoughts: It’s all about love
The essence of making your children feel proud to have you as a parent boils down to one fundamental factor: love.
Love, in all its forms, is the bedrock of a strong parent-child relationship. It’s not just about expressing affection, but also about showing respect, providing support, and being there for your child in every way you can.
The behaviors we’ve discussed can affect how your child perceives you. But remember, at the heart of it all is love. When your actions are guided by love, it transcends any negative behavior.
According to developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind, “the best parenting is responsive and demanding”.
This means being responsive to your child’s needs and emotions while setting high standards and guiding them towards achieving those standards.
So, as you reflect on your own behaviors as a parent, remember this: Love should be the guiding force behind everything you do.
When you lead with love, your children will not only feel it but also be proud to call you their parent.
