There’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing, especially when it comes to personal information.
Psychology tells us that there are certain things we’re actually better off keeping to ourselves. It’s not about being secretive, but rather preserving our own mental health and relationships.
In this article, I’ll delve into the top 10 things you should keep under wraps, according to the science of the mind.
Let’s get started.
1) Your deepest secrets
We all have secrets. It’s a part of being human.
But psychology tells us that there are certain secrets we should keep to ourselves. Not because they are bad or shameful, but because sharing them can often lead to unnecessary stress and misunderstandings.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that keeping secrets can lead to increased stress, sleep loss, and even negative effects on health. That’s because when we share a secret, we’re not just sharing information. We’re also sharing a part of ourselves, our vulnerabilities, our fears.
There’s nothing wrong with being open and honest, but it’s important to know when to draw the line. So, keep your deepest secrets to yourself. It’s not about hiding who you are, it’s about protecting your mental well-being.
2) Personal family matters
Family is a cornerstone in our lives, but every family has its own dynamics and issues.
Speaking from personal experience, I once shared a sensitive family matter with a friend. I thought it would help me to unburden and get some perspective. Unfortunately, my friend didn’t quite understand the complexity of the situation and offered advice that, while well-intentioned, only added to my stress.
Psychology suggests that sharing personal family matters can often complicate relationships. It may lead to misunderstandings, or even change the way people perceive you.
As difficult as it may sometimes be, it’s often best to keep personal family matters within the family or discuss them with a professional counselor or therapist.
3) Salary details
Talking money is often seen as taboo, especially when it comes to how much we earn. This isn’t just social etiquette, there’s a psychological basis to it too.
According to a study by Princeton University, once our income reaches a certain level ($75,000 per year according to the study), any additional income doesn’t significantly contribute to happiness or emotional well-being.
Despite this, knowing someone else’s salary can often lead to comparisons and feelings of inadequacy. It can foster resentment in professional settings and discomfort in personal relationships.
4) Past resentments
Everyone has a past, and we all carry certain resentments from it. But before you decide to share them, you might want to reconsider.
It’s natural to want to vent about past wrongs or injustices. However, psychology suggests that constantly revisiting and discussing past resentments can prevent us from fully embracing the present and moving forward.
Moreover, sharing these resentments can often paint us in a negative light, making us appear as if we’re holding onto grudges.
5) Personal goals
Setting personal goals is a great way to strive for growth and improvement. However, sharing these goals with others might not always be in your best interest.
When we announce our goals to others, it gives us a premature sense of completeness. We feel closer to achieving these goals than we actually are. This can result in less motivation to work towards them.
While it’s important to have someone hold you accountable for your goals, it may be more beneficial to keep them to yourself and quietly work towards achieving them.
6) Personal insecurities
We all have insecurities. They’re a part of being human. And while it’s healthy to acknowledge them, sharing them with others isn’t always the best idea.
Insecurities are deeply personal, often stemming from our own fears and self-perceptions. When shared, they can make us feel vulnerable and exposed. Moreover, they can sometimes be used against us or misconstrued by others.
That’s not to say you should bottle up your feelings. It’s important to deal with insecurities rather than push them aside. But it’s worth considering who you share them with. A trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional is likely a safer bet than casual acquaintances or colleagues.
It’s okay to guard your heart and protect your emotional well-being.
7) Failed relationships
Navigating the aftermath of a failed relationship can be tough. It’s tempting to share the details, dissect what went wrong, and seek validation from others.
Once, in the wake of a painful breakup, I found myself sharing too much with too many people. The result? A confusing chorus of opinions and advice that left me feeling more lost than before.
Psychology suggests that such sharing can hinder the healing process. It can keep us stuck in the past, ruminating over things we can’t change, rather than helping us to move forward.
While it’s important to talk about your feelings and experiences, consider carefully who you share them with. Sometimes, it’s better to keep the details of failed relationships to ourselves or discuss them with a trusted confidant or professional.
8) Your good deeds
Doing good deeds can bring immense satisfaction. But before you rush off to tell others about your charitable acts or random acts of kindness, pause for a moment.
Sharing your good deeds can sometimes diminish their value. Psychology research shows that boasting about our altruistic actions can lead others to question our motives, making the deeds seem less selfless and more self-serving.
Let the warm feeling of helping others be reward enough.
9) Criticisms about others
We’ve all had moments of frustration with other people. It’s natural to want to vent these feelings, but sharing criticisms about others can often do more harm than good.
Psychology tells us that when we criticize others, it can lead the listener to associate those negative traits with us. This phenomenon is known as spontaneous trait transference.
Moreover, sharing criticisms can create a negative atmosphere and damage relationships. So, even when you’re frustrated, it’s often best to keep criticisms to yourself or discuss them directly with the person involved in a constructive manner.
10) Your medical history
While it’s crucial to be open with your healthcare provider, sharing your medical history with others isn’t always beneficial.
Such personal information can lead to unsolicited advice, judgement, or even discrimination. It can also make others feel uncomfortable, as they may not know how to respond appropriately.
For the sake of your privacy and well-being, keep your medical history between you and your healthcare provider. Being mindful of what you share can help maintain a sense of control and dignity in your personal life.
