Our upbringing leaves a lasting imprint on who we are, and growing up in a dysfunctional family can shape your emotional patterns in subtle ways.
Recognizing the signs of an emotionally damaged upbringing is no simple task.
It’s like trying to spot a color you’ve never seen before—how do you know what to look for?
These signs that I will be sharing, however, are not a life sentence as they’re just indicators of past struggles, not a roadmap to your future. If you can spot them, you can begin to understand and heal.
If you recognize these seven signs, it’s possible that your family environment was broken or emotionally unhealthy:
1) You struggle with trust
One of the first signs that you may have grown up in an emotionally defective family is an inherent struggle with trust.
Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, and when it’s absent in your formative years, it can create a lasting impact.
If your early experiences taught you that people can’t be relied upon, you may carry this belief forward into your adult life.
This doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a life of mistrust as recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking it—you can learn to trust again, but it takes time and conscious effort.
2) You have difficulty expressing emotions
Growing up in a broken and emotionally defective family can often mean that emotions were either excessively volatile or completely suppressed.
I know this first hand: In my family, showing any form of emotion was considered a sign of weakness.
Tears were met with derision, and displays of joy or excitement were quickly subdued.
I learned early on that it was safer to keep my feelings to myself.
As an adult, I found myself struggling to express my emotions, even in situations where it was healthy and necessary.
It took years of self-exploration and therapy to understand that it’s okay—even vital—to share how you’re feeling.
Should you find yourself holding back your emotions or being unable to identify what you’re feeling, it may be a sign of an emotionally defective upbringing.
3) You have a tendency towards perfectionism
Perfectionism can often be a side effect of growing up in a broken or emotionally defective family.
When love and affection are conditional—based on achievements or behavior—the message received is that one must be perfect to be worthy of love.
The American Psychological Association found that perfectionism has increased significantly among young people over the past few decades.
This rise aligns with an increase in mental health issues, suggesting a potential link between the two.
The good news is, recognizing this tendency is the first step towards developing healthier expectations and self-compassion.
4) You constantly doubt yourself
Another sign of an emotionally defective upbringing is a persistent sense of self-doubt.
Growing up in a broken family often means dealing with inconsistent affection or approval which can lead to a constant need for validation.
You may find yourself doubting your talents and questioning your value, even when you achieve success.
But know this: Your worth is not defined by the opinions or actions of others.
Unlearning self-doubt is a journey, but it’s possible and it starts with acknowledging this pattern.
5) You have a fear of abandonment
I’ve always had this nagging fear in the back of my mind—the fear of being left alone, of being abandoned.
It took me years to realize that this fear stemmed from my childhood experiences in an emotionally unstable family.
When you grow up without consistent emotional support, the fear of being abandoned can deeply embed itself into your psyche.
You might even find yourself clinging to relationships, even toxic ones, just to avoid feeling alone.
6) You find forming close relationships difficult
Forming close, meaningful relationships can be a real challenge if you’ve grown up in an emotionally defective family.
Years of dealing with emotional turmoil can often lead to fear and mistrust, making it hard to let someone in and form intimate bonds—this can result in loneliness and isolation, even when you’re surrounded by people.
However, you should keep in mind that it’s never too late to learn and grow.
7) You’re stronger than you think
One of the most profound realizations you can come to is this: growing up in a broken and emotionally defective family has made you incredibly resilient.
You’ve faced adversity, navigated emotional chaos, and you’re still standing—that alone takes immense strength.
It’s not about glorifying the struggle, but acknowledging the resilience it has built within you.
This realization can be empowering, helping you to face future challenges with courage and determination.
A journey towards healing
Recognizing the impact of an emotionally challenging upbringing isn’t about blame—it’s about growth and healing.
If these signs resonate with you, know you’re not alone.
Many have walked this path and emerged stronger, more self-aware, and compassionate; healing takes effort, but it’s worth it.
Your past may influence you, but it doesn’t define you—you hold the power to rewrite your story, starting now.
Remember: You are resilient, you are strong and, above all, you are worthy of love and happiness!
