Have you ever wondered why some people seem to become more likable with age, gathering friends and admiration wherever they go, while others find it harder to connect and make a positive impression as they grow older?
Well, it turns out that certain behaviors can enhance or hinder how people perceive us over time.
In this post, we’re diving into seven such behaviors that you might want to consider letting go if you want to increase your likability and forge stronger, more positive connections with others around you.
Let’s dive in.
1) Being judgmental
As we age, we accumulate a wealth of experiences and knowledge. While this is something to be proud of, it can sometimes lead us into the trap of being judgmental.
When you’re constantly judging others, you create an environment that’s not conducive to genuine connections. People tend to avoid those who are quick to criticize and pass judgment.
Instead of focusing on the weaknesses or failures of others, try to understand where they’re coming from. Practice empathy and compassion, and you’ll find that people are attracted to your warmth and understanding.
2) Trying to appear perfect
There’s a significant pressure in society to always show our best side.
Maybe that’s why our social media accounts often turn into highlight reels of our greatest achievements and happiest moments. It’s understandable; we all want to be well-regarded.
But here’s the thing—perfection does not encourage genuine connection.
As researcher Brené Brown has said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
When we let down our guards and share not just our triumphs but also our struggles, we create opportunities for true connections.
So, instead of striving to appear perfect, embrace your flaws and share your real experiences. It may feel daunting, but showing your vulnerabilities can make you more relatable and endearing to others.
3) Overlooking the power of gratitude
I recently watched a speech by Scott Galloway, a professor and author, who pointed out a common oversight many of us make: we often assume that the people we love and appreciate already know how we feel.
It’s easy to take for granted the people who support us daily. We think our feelings are obvious, but appreciation unexpressed can often be interpreted as indifference. Neglecting to show gratitude not only diminishes the value of your relationships, but it can also make you seem unapproachable or disconnected.
Expressing gratitude is simple, yet profoundly impactful. A heartfelt thank you, a small note, a quick message — these gestures can significantly enhance your likability. They reinforce your relationships and show others that you value and acknowledge their contributions to your life.
4) Being glued to your phone
Be honest, when was the last time you found yourself completely absorbed by your phone, even in the presence of others?
We all do it, so much so that there’s even a term for it: “phubbing.” This blend of “phone” and “snubbing” describes the act of ignoring someone in a social setting by looking at your phone instead.
In some ways, it’s not entirely our fault. Technology is designed to keep us hooked, constantly seeking that next dopamine hit.
But as you might imagine, this habit is pretty bad for our relationships. Researchers have noted that phubbing “triggers negative mood and feelings of ostracism” in those being ignored.
Breaking the habit of constantly checking your phone isn’t easy, but it’s vital if you want to maintain strong, personal connections.
Start by setting small, achievable goals, such as not using your phone during meals or while in conversation with someone. Gradually, try to extend these periods of digital detox.
Creating phone-free zones and times might also help you engage more deeply with the people around you, making you a more likable and present companion.
Whatever you need to do, do it. Because every moment you spend absorbed in your phone is a missed opportunity to connect with someone important in your life.
5) Holding onto old wounds
This is one I’m guilty of, and perhaps you are too.
It’s easy to let old wounds fester, allowing bitterness and resentment to build up over time. But when we cling to these negative feelings, they not only harm our mental and emotional health, they also make us less pleasant to be around.
Letting go of past hurts doesn’t mean you forget what happened or condone it. Instead, it involves acknowledging the pain, learning from the experience, and then moving on.
Research has shown that forgiveness can lead to better mental and physical health, and it can improve our relationships and social interactions.
When you forgive and release the grip of grudges, you open yourself up to more positive experiences and relationships. You become someone who is seen as magnanimous and warm, qualities that naturally attract others.
6) Being resistant to change
Change is an inevitable part of life. It’s how we grow, learn, and evolve. However, as we get older, it can become all too easy to resist change and cling onto what we’re comfortable with.
This resistance can limit us and impact our relationships negatively. It can make us come across as rigid and stuck in our ways.
Embracing change, on the other hand, shows that you’re adaptable and open to new experiences. It makes you more well-rounded and interesting to be around.
7) Neglecting self-care
When we neglect our own well-being, it doesn’t just affect us physically; it impacts our mood, our energy levels, and how we interact with others.
This is well backed up by experts like those at Psych Central who have noted that a lack of self-care is associated with less patience, low energy, and even less willingness to engage in social activities.
If you’re tired, unwell, or unhappy, it’s challenging to be engaging or to maintain positive interactions.
Emphasize self-care in your routine. Not only will it help you look and feel better, but it will also make you more pleasant to be around. After all, it’s much easier to enjoy someone’s company when they are vibrant and full of life.
Final thoughts
It’s never too late to start making changes that enrich your interactions and deepen your connections.
Each step you take away from these limiting habits is a step towards a more vibrant, engaging, and likable you.
So, as you move forward, consider which of these habits you can begin to let go. Your future self—and everyone around you—will thank you for it.
