Friendships are a lot like plants; they need care, attention, and the right conditions to grow.
But sometimes, even with all the right elements, you’ll find that you’ve simply outgrown them. It’s a subtle shift that often happens without us even realizing it.
Hi there, I’m Lachlan Brown, Hack Spirit founder and an avid mindfulness enthusiast. I’ve seen how unnoticed changes can impact relationships, and I’m here to help you identify them.
In this article, I’ll be sharing 8 signs that could suggest you’ve outgrown a friendship without even knowing it. Because sometimes, understanding is the first step towards navigating these complex emotional landscapes.
So let’s dive in and explore these signs together.
1) Your conversations feel forced
Friendships are about communication. When that communication starts to feel strained or forced, it could be a sign that you’ve outgrown the friendship.
We’ve all been there, struggling to find common ground or topics to talk about. Maybe the jokes you used to share no longer seem funny, or the topics you used to discuss with passion now feel dull and uninteresting.
This change might not happen overnight. It often creeps in slowly, gradually making every conversation feel like a chore rather than a joy.
If you find yourself in this situation, take a step back and evaluate your feelings. It’s important not to ignore these changes, but to acknowledge them and understand what they mean for your friendship.
If the reaction between you and your friend feels different or non-existent, it might be time to consider whether you’ve outgrown this friendship.
2) You feel drained after spending time with them
Friendships should energize you, not leave you feeling drained.
But there was a time when I found myself dreading a meetup with a friend, knowing that I’d feel exhausted by the end of it.
This friend of mine was always embroiled in some drama or crisis.
Every conversation revolved around their problems and I found myself playing the role of a therapist more than a friend. It was emotionally draining and left me with little energy for my own life.
It took me a while to realize that friendships should be a source of support and joy, not constant exhaustion.
3) You’ve developed different values
One of the most significant signs that you’ve outgrown a friendship is when your values start to diverge.
It’s not about liking the same movies or music anymore, it’s about fundamental beliefs and principles that guide your life.
In my years of studying human behavior and relationships, I’ve found that shared values are one of the cornerstones of any long-lasting friendship. When those values start to differ, it can create a gap that’s hard to bridge.
In fact, in my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into how our personal values shape our lives, including our friendships.
And when those values no longer align with those of our friends, it can lead to a sense of disconnection and discomfort.
As the renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow famously said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
Recognizing this shift in values could be vital in understanding that you’ve outgrown a friendship.
4) You’re always the one reaching out
A hallmark of a healthy friendship is reciprocity – both friends should be equally invested in maintaining the relationship.
But if you find yourself always being the one to initiate contact or make plans, it could be an indication that you’ve outgrown the friendship.
Psychologists often refer to this as an imbalance in social exchange. In a balanced friendship, both parties contribute equally to the relationship in terms of effort, time, and emotional support.
When this balance is disrupted, it can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction.
So if you’re doing all the work to keep the friendship alive, it might be time to consider whether this relationship is still serving you.
As leading psychologist Dr. Robert J. Waldinger states, “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
It’s important to remember that the quality of our friendships matters more than the quantity.
5) You’re not excited about their successes
This might sound strange, but feeling indifferent or even slightly bitter about a friend’s success can signal that you’ve outgrown the friendship.
In a healthy friendship, both people celebrate each other’s achievements and provide support in challenging times.
However, if you find yourself feeling unenthusiastic about their accomplishments—or even secretly wishing they’d fail—it may indicate that something deeper is amiss.
Psychologists call this phenomenon envy, a common emotion in relationships where underlying insecurities or resentments exist.
These feelings might suggest that the relationship no longer serves your personal growth and could be ready for a change.
6) Your future plans don’t include them
When thinking about your future, do you see this friend in it? If your answer is no, it might be a sign that you’ve outgrown the friendship.
Planning for the future, whether it’s a vacation next year or where you’ll be five years from now, often includes those we care about.
If you realize that you’re not considering this friend in your future plans, it could mean that subconsciously, you’re moving on from this friendship.
It’s important to remember that people and relationships evolve over time.
What was once a deep connection can change as we grow and develop as individuals. It doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t valuable or meaningful, just that it might no longer serve who you are becoming.
7) You’re no longer learning from each other
A true friendship is a mutual exchange of experiences, ideas, and wisdom.
There was a time when a friend and I would spend hours discussing everything from philosophy to life hacks. Our conversations were enriching, and I always walked away having learned something new.
But then I noticed a change. Our discussions became repetitive. The fresh perspectives and insights that used to characterize our friendship were replaced with the same old stories and ideas. It was as if we had stopped growing together.
This stagnation can be a subtle sign that you’ve outgrown the friendship. When there’s no longer an exchange of growth or learning, the relationship can start to feel stale and unfulfilling.
8) You feel relieved when plans get cancelled
This is a tell-tale sign that you might have outgrown a friendship.
If the thought of spending time with your friend fills you with dread and you feel a sense of relief when plans get cancelled, it’s time to pay attention.
This feeling of relief can be your subconscious telling you that this friendship isn’t fulfilling or enjoyable for you anymore.
It’s natural to feel guilty about these feelings, but it’s important to remember that they are valid and worth exploring.
Relationships, including friendships, should bring joy and enrichment to our lives. If a particular friendship is consistently causing stress or discomfort, it could be a sign that you’ve outgrown it.
