There’s no denying it, being in a relationship, friendship, or even working with a narcissist can be seriously challenging.
You feel like the rug is constantly being pulled out from under you, yet you can’t quite put your finger on why.
Sometimes, it feels like a twisted game of chess, where you’re always one move behind.
You might find yourself constantly questioning your own emotions or sanity, without really understanding the cause.
Here’s the tricky part: the manipulation carried out by narcissists is often so subtle that you don’t even realize it’s happening.
In this article, I’ll delve into the elusive world of narcissists and shed light on eight underhanded tactics they use to manipulate your emotions.
Brace yourself, because once you see them, they can’t be unseen.
1) Gaslighting is their go-to move
I’m sure you’ve heard the term, but let me be clear about what it actually means. Gaslighting is a subtle form of manipulation where the narcissist will make you question your own reality and sanity.
It’s like being in a maze with no exit, where every turn you take leads you to doubt yourself more.
They might deny things that have happened, twist your words, or make you feel like you’re overreacting or imagining things.
The worst part?
You start believing them. You start doubting your own memory, perception, and sanity.
Before you know it, you’re trapped in their web of deceit, constantly questioning yourself and your judgement.
This is gaslighting at its finest, and narcissists are experts at it.
And trust me, it’s as damaging as it is subtle.
2) They turn the tables on you
Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, narcissists have a knack for turning the tables on you. It’s like a magic trick, except it’s not fun or entertaining.
Here’s what they do: they flip the script and somehow make you feel guilty for their actions or behaviors.
A personal example? I once had a friend who was always late. It didn’t matter if it was for a casual hangout or an important event, he’d always show up an hour late.
One day, I finally gathered the courage to confront him about it. And do you know what he did? He turned it around and made me feel guilty for not understanding his busy schedule.
Suddenly, I found myself apologizing when I was the one who had been wronged.
That’s how they do it, they twist situations to make themselves the victim and you the villain.
It’s a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook.
3) They master the art of love bombing
Mark Twain once said, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”
But what happens when someone uses this principle for their own selfish gains?
Welcome to the world of love bombing.
Love bombing is when a narcissist showers you with affection, compliments, and grand gestures to win you over. It’s like a whirlwind romance straight out of a Hollywood movie.
But here’s the catch: it’s all an act. They’re not doing it because they care about you, they’re doing it to control you.
They make you feel special, loved, and cherished. They make you believe that you’ve finally found the one. And just when you let your guard down, they use it as a weapon against you.
As Twain subtly hinted, cheering someone else up can be a powerful tool – but in the hands of a narcissist, it’s a weapon of emotional manipulation.
4) They’re always the hero of their own stories
Here’s something you might not have noticed: narcissists are always the heroes in the stories they tell.
Every tale, every anecdote they share, they’re always the one saving the day, solving the problem, or winning the prize.
It’s as if they live in a parallel universe where everything revolves around them.
This is more than just an inflated ego.
This is a calculated tactic to make themselves look better and more important than they actually are.
By painting themselves as heroes, they subtly manipulate your perception of them. They want you to see them as exceptional, infallible, and above all, indispensable.
And why wouldn’t you? After all, who doesn’t love a hero?
But remember, not all heroes wear capes – some just wear a mask of deception.
5) They keep you on an emotional rollercoaster
Just like a thrilling ride at a theme park, narcissists will keep you on an emotional rollercoaster.
One moment, they’re showering you with love and affection, the next they’re cold and distant.
The highs are exhilarating, leaving you floating on cloud nine.
But the lows?
They’re terrifyingly deep, leaving you confused and hurt.
This unpredictability keeps you on your toes, constantly trying to please them and win back their affection. It’s like trying to hit a moving target – just when you think you’ve got it, the target shifts.
But here’s what they don’t tell you: this isn’t a game of chance, it’s a game of control.
By keeping you in this state of constant emotional turmoil, they ensure that they remain the center of your world – your focus, your energy, all directed towards them.
It’s a subtle form of manipulation that is as effective as it is damaging.
6) They never take responsibility
Have you ever noticed how a narcissist has an uncanny ability to dodge responsibility?
It’s like they’re playing a game of hot potato, and the potato is always being passed to someone else.
Mistakes, failures, shortcomings – these are words that don’t exist in a narcissist’s dictionary. They’ll twist and turn the narrative until they’re no longer the one at fault.
They might blame others, circumstances, or even you. Anything and anyone but themselves.
This isn’t just about escaping consequences, though. It’s also about maintaining their image of perfection in your eyes. If they never do anything wrong, then they remain flawless and superior – at least in their own minds.
And in doing so, they subtly manipulate your perception of them, further cementing their control over you.
It’s a cunning game they play, one that leaves you doubting yourself while they get off scot-free.
7) They belittle your achievements
Just when you think you’ve made a breakthrough or achieved something great, a narcissist has a way of belittling your success.
Got a promotion?
They’ve had better.
Won an award?
They’ve won bigger.
It’s like they have this compulsion to outshine you, even in your moments of triumph.
But don’t be fooled. This isn’t about them being competitive or ambitious. This is about them maintaining control and keeping you in your place.
By downplaying your achievements, they subtly undermine your confidence and self-esteem. They make you feel lesser, smaller and always one step behind.
It’s a dirty trick, but it’s effective. And before you know it, you’re doubting your own worth and abilities, all the while feeding their inflated sense of superiority.
8) They isolate you from your support system
The last, and perhaps the most insidious tactic narcissists use is isolation. Gradually and subtly, they’ll try to cut you off from your friends, family, or anyone who could potentially support you.
They might fabricate stories, create misunderstandings, or make you feel guilty for spending time with others.
This isn’t about them wanting to spend quality time with you. It’s about control.
By isolating you, they ensure that they’re the only one you can turn to – for comfort, for advice, for validation.
It’s a terrifyingly effective way of ensuring that you’re completely dependent on them.
And once they’ve got you isolated and dependent, their manipulation knows no bounds.
Isolation is the final piece of the narcissist’s puzzle. It’s their ace in the hole, their trump card.
And it’s what enables them to manipulate your emotions with such terrifying efficiency.
Final thoughts
If you’ve found yourself nodding along to the points discussed, chances are you’ve experienced the subtle manipulation tactics of a narcissist. But here’s the silver lining – recognizing these signs is the first step towards breaking free.
Knowledge, as they say, is power. The more aware you are of these tactics, the better equipped you’ll be to respond to them. It’s not about playing their game but about safeguarding your mental and emotional well-being.
The journey isn’t easy. There’ll be moments of self-doubt, guilt, and even blame. But remember, you’re not alone. Find support in your loved ones, or consider professional help if needed. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate through these challenging situations.
Start by setting boundaries. Speak your truth. Prioritize self-care. Each small step you take is a victory in reclaiming your emotional health.
