There’s a fine line between considering others and living your life based on their opinions.
Crossing that line can lead to a life dictated by others, not by your own desires or values. Trust me, I’ve been there.
Hello, I’m Lachlan Brown, the Hack Spirit and Small Businessbonfire founder and a devoted follower of mindfulness and Buddhism. I’ve learned the hard way that caring too much about what others think can rob you of your own happiness.
But, I’ve also discovered that there’s an art to not caring what others think and it’s a skill that can be cultivated.
In this article, I’ll share with you 8 simple ways to master this art. They’re strategies I’ve personally used to break free from the shackles of other people’s opinions.
This isn’t about ignoring everyone else entirely. It’s about finding the balance to live a truly happy life.
Let’s dive in.
1) Embrace the impermanence
One of the core tenets of Buddhism is the concept of impermanence.
Life is a constant flux, always changing, and nothing lasts forever. This includes people’s opinions and judgments.
Consider this scenario: you make a mistake at work and your colleagues talk about it. They may form an opinion about you based on that incident. But that’s just it – it’s a moment, a blip in time. It doesn’t define you or your worth.
Remembering this can help you detach from what others think of you. Their thoughts are as fleeting as everything else in life.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. But with mindfulness and practice, it’s possible to cultivate this perspective.
Next time you find yourself worried about what others think, remind yourself: Everything is temporary. This too shall pass.
It’s not about being dismissive or indifferent to others’ opinions. It’s about understanding their fleeting nature and not letting them control your peace of mind.
2) Practice self-compassion
I’ve found that one of the biggest reasons we care so much about what others think is because we’re harsh critics of ourselves.
In my journey with mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve learned that being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others. This is where self-compassion comes in.
The renowned mindfulness expert, Dr. Kristin Neff, defines self-compassion as being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.
She says, “Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, you stop to tell yourself ‘this is really difficult right now,’ how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”
When you’re compassionate towards yourself, you’re less likely to seek validation from others. It allows you to accept your flaws and understand that everyone makes mistakes – it’s a part of being human.
When you find yourself ruminating over what others might think of you, pause for a moment. Remind yourself to be kinder and practice self-compassion. Trust me, it’s a game-changer.
3) Understand the concept of ‘Anatta’
In Buddhism, there’s a concept called ‘Anatta’, which means ‘no-self’. This doesn’t imply that we don’t exist, but rather, it challenges the notion of a permanent, unchanging self.
Many times, our concern about others’ opinions stems from our attachment to a certain identity or self-image we have constructed. We worry about how their thoughts or judgments might threaten this image.
The truth is, we are not static beings. We are constantly evolving, changing with every experience. Holding on to a rigid sense of self can be limiting and cause unnecessary distress.
Understanding ‘Anatta’ allows us to let go of these attachments and fears. It encourages us to embrace our ever-changing nature and be open to growth.
It’s raw and honest, but freeing. When you stop clinging to a fixed idea of who you are, you also stop worrying so much about what others think of you.
You are not defined by others’ perceptions. You are a fluid and ever-changing being, free to become whoever you want to be. That’s the liberating wisdom of Buddhism.
4) Stay present in the moment
Mindfulness is all about living in the present moment. It’s about focusing on what’s happening right now rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
Often, the anxiety of what others might think comes from either past experiences or future uncertainties. “What if they remember that mistake I made?” or “What if they judge me for this decision?”
Allow me to be honest here, this kind of worry is a waste of your precious time and energy.
Practicing mindfulness helps in redirecting your focus to the present moment. When you’re fully engaged with what’s happening right now, there’s less room for worrying about others’ opinions.
You can’t control what others think or say. But you can control your reactions and where you direct your attention.
Take a deep breath, bring your focus back to the present, and let those worries about others’ thoughts fade away. It’s incredibly liberating and it’s at the heart of mindfulness.
5) Cultivate an attitude of non-attachment
This is something I’ve discussed at length in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.
It’s about cultivating an attitude of non-attachment, not just to things or outcomes, but also to others’ opinions.
Throughout my journey, I’ve found that when we attach ourselves to the opinions of others, we allow their thoughts and judgments to affect our inner peace and happiness.
Non-attachment doesn’t mean being indifferent or uncaring. It means understanding that while you can respect and consider other people’s opinions, you don’t have to let them dictate your actions or self-worth.
It’s a liberating way to live, allowing you to pursue your true desires and passions without being held back by the fear of what others might think.
If you’re interested in delving deeper into this concept, I invite you to check out my book. It offers practical tips and insights on how to live with maximum impact and minimum ego.
6) Recognize and let go of the need for approval
Let’s be honest, the need for approval is something deeply ingrained in most of us. It’s a part of our human nature to want to be liked and accepted.
However, when this need becomes a driving force in our lives, it can lead us to make choices that are not aligned with our authentic selves. We end up living a life to please others rather than ourselves.
In Buddhism and mindfulness practice, there’s an emphasis on recognizing these desires and attachments. It’s only when we become aware of them that we can start to let go.
The next time you find yourself overly concerned about what others might think, take a moment to acknowledge this need for approval. Don’t judge it or resist it. Simply observe it as a part of your human experience.
Then, gently remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on others’ approval. You are enough just as you are.
It’s not an easy process, but with practice, you can learn to let go of this need for approval and live a life that’s true to you.
7) Adopt a beginner’s mind
In Zen Buddhism, there’s a concept known as ‘Shoshin’, or ‘beginner’s mind’. It’s about looking at the world with fresh eyes, free of preconceptions and judgments.
When we care too much about what others think, we’re often projecting our own judgments and fears onto them. We imagine how they might react or what they might say.
But the truth is, we can never truly know another person’s thoughts or intentions. As Thich Nhat Hanh, renowned Buddhist monk and mindfulness advocate, once said, “The seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don’t wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy.”
Adopting a beginner’s mind means letting go of these assumptions and opening ourselves up to the possibility that others might not think or react as we expect them to.
It’s about stepping into every situation with an open heart and mind, ready to learn and experience without letting fear of judgment hinder us. It’s raw, it’s honest, and it’s incredibly freeing.
8) Listen to others without losing yourself
Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, isn’t the whole point to stop caring about what others think?
But see it this way: Mindfulness is about being present and aware, and that includes being present in our interactions with others.
Listening to others doesn’t mean you have to accept or internalize their opinions. But it does mean acknowledging their perspective.
You can listen to someone’s opinion without letting it affect your self-worth or your decisions. It means understanding that their thoughts are a reflection of their own experiences and beliefs, not a measure of your worth.
In doing so, you not only cultivate a mindful presence in your interactions, but you also learn to create a boundary between yourself and the opinions of others.
So yes, listen. Be present. But remember, while others’ opinions can offer a different perspective, they don’t define who you are. And that’s the beauty of mindfulness.
Conclusion
Caring less about what others think isn’t about being dismissive or indifferent. It’s about understanding that your worth isn’t defined by others’ perceptions, but by your own self-awareness and self-compassion.
The journey towards not letting others’ opinions affect you isn’t a one-time event. It’s a continuous practice of mindfulness, self-compassion, and embracing the wisdom of Buddhism.
If you’re interested in exploring more about these topics, I invite you to check out my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.
In it, I delve deeper into Buddhist wisdom and practical strategies to live a life that’s true to you, not dictated by others.
Your journey is unique to you. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice. Practice mindfulness, be kind to yourself, and live your truth. You are enough just as you are.