We’ve all encountered them – those folks who are all smiles in person but gossip when you’re not around. They’re hard to spot, but there are certain traits they usually display.
Now, these traits aren’t obvious, especially since these people tend to be friendly to your face. But identifying them can help you determine who’s genuinely on your side and who might be doing some behind-the-scenes backbiting.
In this article, I’m going to share with you nine specific traits typically shown by people who talk behind your back but act friendly when you’re present.
By the end of this read, you’ll be one step ahead in deciphering these individuals.
Let’s dive in.
1) They’re masters of flattery
The first typical trait of people who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face is their ability to shower you with compliments. They know how to make you feel special, and they’re not shy about using flattery to get on your good side.
But here’s the thing – their flattery often feels too good to be true. And that’s because, in many cases, it is. They use their compliments as a way to keep you off guard, so you’d be less likely to suspect them of any foul play.
Genuine compliments are usually specific and sincere. If someone’s constantly flattering you in a generic way, you might want to keep an eye on them. It’s not a definitive sign of backbiting, but it certainly can be a red flag.
2) They avoid confrontation
Let me share a personal story to illustrate this trait. I once had a colleague who was always very friendly and amicable. We seemed to get along quite well, and she never showed any signs of disagreement or conflict.
However, I started noticing that certain things I told her in confidence would somehow become common knowledge around the office. It was subtle, but with time it became quite apparent that she was sharing these details behind my back.
When I finally confronted her about it, she was quick to deny any wrongdoing and completely avoided the confrontation. She even turned the blame around on me, suggesting I was being overly sensitive or misunderstanding the situation.
Looking back, her tendency to avoid direct conflict was a clear sign. She preferred talking behind my back rather than addressing issues head-on.
This avoidance of confrontation is a common trait among those who act friendly to your face but talk behind your back.
3) They’re often inconsistent
Inconsistency is another tell-tale sign of backbiters. They may act one way in your presence and completely different when you’re not there. This inconsistency extends to their behaviors, opinions, and even their stories.
Did you know that a study published in the Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology found a strong link between inconsistency and dishonesty? According to the research, individuals who frequently change their attitudes are more likely to engage in deceptive behaviors.
This trait can be subtle, but if you pay attention, you’ll start noticing the disjointed pieces. So keep an eye out for inconsistencies – they might reveal more than what meets the eye.
4) They’re skilled at changing the subject
Another common trait of people who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face is their ability to steer the conversation away from sensitive topics. If you bring up a subject they’re uncomfortable with or would prefer not to discuss, they have a knack for subtly changing the subject.
For example, if you start talking about trust and honesty, they might quickly shift the topic to something more light-hearted or unrelated. They do this to avoid discussing topics that might expose their true intentions or behaviors.
It’s a subtle art, and they’re usually very good at it. But once you’re aware of this trait, you’ll start noticing it more often. And then, it becomes a lot easier to identify those who might not be as genuine as they seem.
5) They thrive on drama
People who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face often have a knack for creating drama. They seem to thrive in situations where there’s tension, conflict, or excitement.
In fact, they might even stir up situations to create such drama, as it gives them something to talk about and a way to draw attention away from their own actions.
It’s like they feed off the energy of these situations and use them as a platform for their behind-the-scenes gossip. If you notice someone consistently at the center of office rumors or social circle drama, there’s a good chance they might be saying one thing to your face and something else behind your back.
6) They lack empathy
At the core of talking behind someone’s back while being friendly to their face is a lack of empathy. These individuals often fail to understand or appreciate the feelings of others. This lack of empathy allows them to say hurtful things about others without feeling guilty.
Imagine how it feels when you find out that a friend has been spreading rumors about you. It’s heartbreaking, right? An empathetic person would understand this and refrain from causing such pain to others. But those who talk behind your back often don’t have this understanding.
Recognizing this trait can be tough, as these individuals can be very good at pretending to care. But their actions, especially when they think no one is watching, often reveal their true colors.
7) They’re often insecure
I remember a time in my life when I was quite insecure. I would often find myself talking about others behind their backs, not because I disliked them, but because I was struggling with my own self-worth. It was easier to point out others’ flaws than to face my own.
Insecurity is a trait that’s common among people who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face. They might use gossip or backbiting as a way to feel better about themselves or to fit in with a particular group.
This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but understanding it can help us respond with compassion and perhaps even help these individuals confront their own insecurities.
8) They’re seldom straightforward
People who talk behind your back usually aren’t straightforward. They tend to beat around the bush, indirectly hinting at issues instead of addressing them directly.
For instance, instead of telling you they disagree with your idea, they might drop subtle hints or make snide remarks when you’re not around. This indirectness allows them to avoid confrontation and keep up the friendly facade.
Being alert to these indirect cues can help you identify those who might be talking behind your back. It’s not always easy to spot, but once you know what to look for, it becomes a lot clearer.
9) They lack genuine respect
At the heart of it all, people who talk behind your back but are friendly to your face lack a fundamental element – respect. Despite their friendly demeanor, they don’t genuinely respect you or your feelings.
Their actions show a total disregard for your trust and an absence of understanding about the harm their actions can cause. If you’ve identified someone in your life displaying these traits, remember that you deserve respect and genuine friendships.