Why do some friendships just seem to drift apart while others weather every storm? If I’ve learned anything, it’s that friendships don’t fall apart in a single dramatic moment.
It happens gradually—the forgotten texts, the unkept promises, the times we weren’t really listening. I’ve been on both sides of it, watching as the tiniest habits slowly built walls between people who were once inseparable.
The truth is, we all have those blind spots that can damage even our closest relationships.
So, what are the habits we might not realize are pushing friends away? Let’s take a closer look.
1) Poor listening skills
We all know that communication is key to any successful relationship, and friendships are no exception.
Yet, what many people fail to realize is that communication doesn’t only involve talking, you also need to listen – really listen. And not just waiting for your turn to speak.
Those who struggle with maintaining friendships often have a tendency to monopolize conversations, or worse, they tune out when others are speaking.
This can be perceived as dismissive or disrespectful by their friends and can lead to miscommunications and hurt feelings.
When people fail to listen effectively, they’re inadvertently showing a lack of respect for their friends’ opinions and emotions. This is a small behavior, but over time it can cause significant damage to friendships.
If you find yourself falling into this habit, try to consciously improve your listening skills. It might just be the key to strengthening your friendships.
2) Neglecting to reach out
Friendships aren’t a one-way street. They require effort from both sides.
Let me share a personal experience to illustrate this point. I once had a friend who I felt was always waiting for me to initiate plans, conversations, and get-togethers.
It felt like if I didn’t reach out, we wouldn’t talk or see each other at all.
Over time, this constant one-sided effort started to wear on me. I began to question if they valued our friendship as much as I did.
It was a small behavior on their part, but it had a big impact on how I viewed our relationship.
Those who struggle with maintaining friendships often neglect to reach out first, leaving all the initiative to the other party. This can make friends feel unappreciated and lead to them pulling away.
Maintaining a balanced give-and-take in your friendships is important. Don’t always wait for your friends to reach out. Instead, take the initiative sometimes and show them that you value their presence in your life.
3) Holding grudges
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. In friendships, this means there will inevitably be disagreements and misunderstandings.
However, the way we handle these bumps in the road can define the longevity of our relationships.
Those who struggle with maintaining friendships often have a tendency to hold onto past wrongs. They keep score of each mistake and bring them up during future disagreements, creating a toxic cycle of resentment.
Interestingly, according to research, forgiveness can improve psychological health by reducing anger and increasing hope, which in turn lowers anxiety and depression while boosting self-esteem.
So instead of holding onto grudges, try to adopt a more forgiving mindset. Let go of the negative emotions tied to it and allow the friendship to progress healthily.
4) Being overly critical
People in healthy friendships support and uplift each other. They celebrate each other’s success and provide comfort during hard times.
However, those who struggle with maintaining friendships often fall into the trap of being overly critical.
They may nitpick their friends’ choices, offer unsolicited advice or make negative comments more often than necessary.
This constant criticism can be exhausting and hurtful. It can create a feeling of walking on eggshells, where one feels they have to constantly defend themselves or fear making mistakes.
It’s okay to offer constructive criticism when asked or when it’s truly necessary. But it’s equally important to balance it with positivity, encouragement and understanding.
Appreciate your friends for who they are, not who you think they should be.
5) Breaking promises
Promises are like invisible threads that tie people together. When we make a promise to a friend, it’s a commitment that we’ll do something for them, be there for them, or simply uphold our end of an understanding.
But when those promises are broken, it can deeply hurt the trust that friendship is built on.
Those who often find themselves struggling with maintaining friendships tend to break promises more frequently.
Whether it’s something as simple as missing a planned coffee catch-up or something more significant like failing to provide support during a difficult time, these broken promises can stack up and cause damage.
Friendships are built on trust, and trust is built on keeping your word.
By honoring your commitments to your friends, you’re showing them that they can rely on you, and that you value the relationship you share. That’s a powerful way to strengthen your bonds.
6) Not respecting boundaries
Boundaries are essential in every relationship, including friendships. They help define what’s acceptable and what’s not, creating a safe space for both parties to coexist.
I’ve had an experience where a friend crossed a boundary I had clearly set. It was about not discussing certain triggering topics. Despite my clear communication, they repeatedly brought up these subjects, leaving me feeling unheard and disrespected.
People who often struggle with maintaining friendships tend to disrespect or ignore their friends’ boundaries. This can lead to feelings of discomfort, resentment, and in some cases, the end of the friendship.
Psychologists agree that establishing boundaries can improve your emotional and mental health while also deepening your friendships, so make sure that boundaries on both sides are always respected.
7) Lack of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s the foundation of emotional connection and an essential element in any friendship.
However, those who often find themselves struggling to maintain friendships can sometimes lack this crucial trait.
They might struggle to understand their friends’ problems, dismiss their feelings, or fail to offer comfort when it’s needed.
This lack of empathy can leave friends feeling unsupported and alone. It can create a disconnect in the relationship and make it difficult for it to thrive.
Being a good friend often means being there for someone, not just in the good times, but more importantly, during the tough ones.
Show genuine care for your friends’ feelings and experiences, and they will value your friendship even more.
8) Being self-centered
Friendships are a two-way street. They require mutual understanding, support, and interest.
Those who often struggle with maintaining friendships can sometimes be overly self-centered.
It’s always about their problems, their achievements, their life. They fail to show interest in their friends’ lives or to provide the same level of support they receive.
Being self-centered can make friends feel undervalued and neglected. It shifts the balance of the friendship and can lead to its downfall.
The most important thing to remember is that a friendship is a bond between two individuals. Both individuals’ experiences, feelings, and lives matter equally.
By showing genuine interest in your friends’ lives and offering them the same support you receive, you’re creating a balanced, healthy friendship that can withstand the test of time.
Final thoughts
Friendships are a bit like plants. They don’t survive off of grand gestures or the occasional check-in.
They need consistent care, attention, and the willingness to admit when you’ve been neglecting them. I’ve had to learn this the hard way.
Sometimes, we forget that to be a good friend it’s not enough to just show up for the big moments. True dedication to a friendship shows in how we behave in the quiet, everyday life.
So maybe it’s time to do a little self-reflection. Are we listening enough? Reaching out enough? Being the kind of friend we’d want for ourselves?
The good news is, with a bit of awareness and effort, we can repair what’s broken and nurture our friendships before they wither away.