Have you ever caught your child mimicking your behavior, maybe holding a pretend phone to their ear or echoing phrases you often say?
Kids are like sponges, soaking up every action, word, and emotion displayed around them.
That’s why it’s so important that our everyday actions set a powerful example.
Being a positive role model for our children means demonstrating the qualities we’d like them to adopt.
And oftentimes, that involves weeding out our own behaviors that don’t exactly set the best example.
Let’s dive into eight behaviors that deserve a hard pass if we want to be the role models our children deserve.
1) “Do as I say, not as I do”
Actions often speak louder than words.
Telling your kids one thing and then doing the opposite isn’t just confusing—it’s a quick way to lose credibility.
If you want your kids to value honesty, show them honesty. If you want them to be kind, be kind yourself.
This is not about being perfect, we all make mistakes, and that’s okay.
It’s about consistently striving to be better and apologizing when you mess up.
It’s about showing your kids that it’s okay to be human, but it’s essential to learn and grow from our mistakes.
2) Constantly criticizing yourself
I’ve caught myself doing this more times than I’d like to admit.
Standing in front of the mirror, pointing out my flaws, saying things like, “I wish I were thinner,” or “I hate my hair.”
But then, one day, I heard my daughter say the same things about herself. It broke my heart.
Kids absorb everything around them, including our attitudes towards ourselves.
When they see us being hard on ourselves, they learn to do the same.
It took that wake-up call for me to realize the impact of my words.
Now, I make a point to practice self-love and acceptance in front of my kids. When they see me embracing my imperfections, they learn to do the same.
The lesson here is simple: To raise confident kids who love and accept themselves, we need to model that behavior first.
3) Overusing digital devices
In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s easy to lose ourselves in screens.
But did you know that excessive screen time can lead to issues like poor sleep, obesity, and lower academic performance in children?
Our children are watching us, and our screen habits set a precedent for them.
If they see us constantly glued to our devices, they’re likely to do the same.
To be a positive role model, it’s important to establish healthy digital habits.
This could mean setting aside specific times for device use, or creating tech-free zones or hours within your home.
4) Taking the easy way out
Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it throws challenges our way that we’d rather avoid.
But choosing the easy way out every time isn’t a lesson we want to impart to our kids.
Whether it’s avoiding a difficult conversation, not standing up for what’s right because it’s inconvenient, or giving up when things get tough – these actions send a clear message to our children: that it’s okay to run away from difficulties.
Instead, we need to show them the value of resilience and determination.
Let them see you face challenges head-on, persisting even when things get tough.
By demonstrating tenacity and courage in the face of obstacles, we teach our kids the importance of perseverance, and that is a lesson they’ll carry with them throughout their lives.
5) Not showing empathy
How often do we brush off our children’s emotions because we’re busy or stressed?
I’ve seen parents dismiss their child’s feelings because they seem trivial from an adult perspective.
But to a child, those feelings are very real and important.
When we dismiss our children’s feelings, we’re teaching them that their emotions are not valid.
This can lead to them suppressing their feelings or struggling to understand the emotions of others.
Instead, let’s make an effort to validate our children’s emotions.
Let’s show them that it’s okay to feel, and teach them how to express their feelings in a healthy way.
This isn’t always easy. It requires patience and understanding.
But by showing empathy to our children, we’re teaching them how to be empathetic towards others – a skill that will serve them well in every area of life.
6) Always being in control
I’m a planner. I like to have everything organized and under control.
However, I’ve learned that constantly trying to control everything can send the wrong message to my kids.
When we micromanage every aspect of our children’s lives, we’re not giving them the chance to learn from their own mistakes.
We’re not allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions, which is an important part of their personal growth.
Moreover, it can give them the impression that they’re not capable or trusted.
So I’ve learned to let go a bit. To give my kids the freedom to make their own choices and learn from their own experiences.
It’s not easy, and it’s often messy, but it’s an important part of raising independent, confident individuals.
7) Neglecting self-care
As parents, we often put the needs of our children before our own.
That’s usually seen as admirable. But neglecting our self-care isn’t just detrimental to us—it can also impact our children.
When we’re constantly running on empty, we’re less patient, less focused, and less capable of providing the love and attention our children need.
Plus, we’re setting an example that self-care isn’t important.
As noted by Choosing Therapy, the benefits of self-care include lower stress levels, increased self-esteem, and increased happiness. Surely these are things you want for your kids?
It’s essential for our kids to see us taking care of ourselves—physically, emotionally, and mentally.
It shows them that it’s okay to take time for oneself, to rest and recharge.
8) Not being present
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to be physically present but mentally elsewhere.
But when it comes to our children, nothing replaces undivided attention and presence.
When we’re constantly distracted or preoccupied, our children feel it.
They understand when we’re not fully there, and it can make them feel less important.
Being present means actively listening when they speak, showing interest in their activities, and making an effort to connect with them on a deeper level.
It’s about quality over quantity.
The time we spend with our children is fleeting. So let’s make the most of it by being truly present, and showing them they are valued and loved.
Final thoughts: It’s about growth
Our children are always watching us. They learn more from what they see us do than what they hear us say.
We shape their perceptions of the world and their place in it.
So let’s strive to be the best role models we can be.
Let’s show them resilience, empathy, self-care, presence, and love through our actions.
Because ultimately, we’re not just raising children; we’re raising future adults.