For decades, psychologists have studied how emotional intelligence shapes human development, and their findings have been groundbreaking for parents.
In the 1990s, Daniel Goleman popularized the term “emotional intelligence,” emphasizing that it’s not just IQ that leads to success, but how well people handle their emotions.
Today, emotionally intelligent parenting is seen as essential for raising well-adjusted children.
In this article, we’ll explore 8 psychological traits shared by parents who foster emotional intelligence in their children, helping them thrive both socially and emotionally.
1) You’re in tune with your emotions
As a parent raising emotionally intelligent children, your relationship with your own emotions plays a pivotal role.
This isn’t mastering the art of suppressing your feelings. It’s confidently embracing them, understanding them, and reacting to them in a balanced way.
It’s not unusual for parents to experience a whirlwind of feelings throughout the day. After all, parenting is a rollercoaster of highs, lows, and unexpected turns.
But when you’re in tune with your emotions, you’re able to navigate these ups and downs with grace. You recognize your feelings as they arise, you understand why they’re there, and you decide how to respond rather than react impulsively.
This emotional balance doesn’t happen overnight, of course. It’s a journey that involves constant learning and self-reflection.
Yet, the result is worth it: An emotionally healthy environment where your child feels safe to express their feelings too.
And if this resonates with you, then pat yourself on the back! You’ve got one of the key traits of a parent raising their child with emotional intelligence.
2) You understand the concept of emotional contagion
Ever walked into a room and instantly felt a shift in your mood based on the vibe of the people present? That’s emotional contagion for you.
In simple terms, emotional contagion is the phenomenon where we subconsciously pick up on and mirror the emotions of others around us. It’s like catching an emotional cold.
Interestingly, this doesn’t just apply to adults.
Children, especially those at a young age, are incredibly susceptible to emotional contagion. They pick up on their parents’ emotions and often mirror them. Mad parent, upset child; happy parent, cheerful child – you get the gist.
But here’s the interesting part…
Parents who are raising their children with emotional intelligence not only understand this concept but use it to their advantage. They know that their emotions can influence their child’s mood and behavior, so they strive to maintain a positive emotional state as often as possible.
3) You’re not afraid to display a full range of emotions
While it might seem counter-intuitive based on the previous point, raising emotionally intelligent children isn’t about maintaining a constant state of happiness or positivity.
Emotions, in all their varied forms, are a natural part of life. Sadness, anger, frustration, excitement – they’re all valid emotions. It’s how we understand and handle these emotions that really matters.
Parents who raise emotionally intelligent children know that it’s important to show their kids it’s okay to experience a range of emotions. They openly let their children see moments of frustration, sadness, or worry, while also teaching them how to handle these emotions in a healthy way.
Why does this matter?
Because it shows children that feeling and expressing different emotions is perfectly normal. It also gives them real-life examples of how to deal with these feelings in a constructive manner.
By not hiding your emotions from your child, but using them as opportunities to teach, you’re helping them develop emotional intelligence that will serve them throughout life.
As Carl Jung said, “Emotions are the chief source of all becoming conscious. There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.”
4) You’re a good listener
Ever had a moment when someone truly listened to you, not just hearing your words but understanding what you were feeling? How did that make you feel?
Genuine listening is a powerful tool. It’s more than just hearing what someone says; it’s about grasping the emotions underneath.
Parents who nurture emotionally intelligent children don’t just listen—they listen deeply. They give their kids the time and space to speak, showing empathy and patience. There’s no rush to interrupt or judge.
This achieves two essential things.
First, it validates the child’s emotions, making them feel valued and understood. Second, it builds a foundation of trust and open communication between parent and child.
When you take the time to sit with your child, make eye contact, and truly listen to what they have to share, you’re laying the groundwork for emotional intelligence in your parenting.
5) You encourage emotional expression
I remember as a child, my parents always encouraged me to express how I was feeling. Whether I was happy, sad, frustrated, or confused, they made sure I knew that every emotion was valid and welcome.
Now, as parents ourselves, we recognize how important this approach is. Let’s be real—it’s not always easy to encourage our kids to express their emotions, especially the tough ones. But it’s vital for their emotional development.
Parents who foster emotional intelligence create a safe space for their children to express their feelings. They encourage conversations about emotions and make it clear that it’s completely normal to experience a wide range of them.
The saying of Daniel Goleman reminds us, “Emotional intelligence begins to develop in the earliest years. All the small exchanges children have with their parents, teachers, and with each other carry emotional messages.” Each moment we spend acknowledging and guiding our children through their emotions helps shape their emotional awareness of life.
6) You practice emotional coaching
Imagine this: Your child comes home from school, slams the door, and storms off to their room without saying a word. What do you do?
Parents who raise emotionally intelligent children see situations like this as opportunities for emotional coaching. Instead of brushing off their child’s feelings or trying to fix the problem immediately, they guide their child in understanding and managing their emotions.
Haim Ginott’s wisdom speaks to this perfectly: “Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming.”
They might ask, “You seem upset. Do you want to talk about what happened at school today?” Or they might say, “It’s okay to be angry. How can we calm down and discuss what’s bothering you?”
7) You model empathy
I’ll never forget the day my son fell and scraped his knee on the playground. He was in tears, and though it seemed like a small injury to me, I realized that to him, it felt like the world was crashing down.
As parents who aim to raise emotionally intelligent children, we know how important empathy is. It’s not brushing off their emotions or telling them to “get over it.” It’s seeing things from their perspective and validating how they feel.
In moments like these, we kneel down, offer a hug, and say something like, “That must really hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” This shows our children that their feelings matter and that we’re here to support them.
8) You prioritize emotional intelligence in your parenting
The final and perhaps most key trait of parents raising emotionally intelligent children lies in their commitment to prioritizing emotional intelligence in their parenting.
This approach goes beyond occasional discussions on feelings or sporadic displays of empathy. It requires a consistent, ongoing effort to nurture emotional awareness and growth in their children.
These parents understand that it’s not enough to raise academically successful children. They aim to raise emotionally intelligent children who are capable of understanding, managing, and expressing their emotions in a healthy way.
Are you ready to raise emotionally intelligent children?
Raising emotionally intelligent children is a commitment, a journey filled with countless growth opportunities, both for you and your child. If you’ve identified with the traits we’ve discussed, you’re already on the right path.
As a final note, here are a few more things you can do to nurture emotional intelligence in your child:
– Practice mindfulness with your kids.
– Explore different ways of expressing emotions through art, music, or storytelling.
– Regularly talk about emotions in everyday life.
Remember, parenting isn’t being perfect. It’s being present and willing to learn and grow alongside your children. So, as you continue on this journey of raising emotionally intelligent children, remember to give yourself grace and celebrate small victories.
You’re not just raising a child. You’re shaping an emotionally intelligent future.
