Striving to be a confident speaker has been a consistent endeavor in my professional journey, punctuated only by brief bouts of self-doubt.
Despite enjoying public speaking, I often find myself under inspection—from watchful mentors, discerning colleagues, and even attentive audiences—each subtly signaling that perhaps I need to refine my approach.
But why is it that I’m perpetually encouraged to fine-tune my speaking skills?
Our society tends to place undue emphasis on polished presentation skills, often pushing people to suppress their natural styles out of fear of societal judgment, rather than genuine personal development.
In this article, I’ll disclose 7 unconscious behaviors that you need to bid farewell to if you genuinely aspire to become a confident speaker.
By the end, I aim to underscore that there’s no shame in acknowledging and rectifying these behaviors, just as there’s no shame in being an effortless public speaker.
Ultimately, our journey towards effective communication should stem from personal reflection and persistent practice, rather than external pressures.
1) You’re overthinking
This was a challenging one for me to grasp.
“Thinking on my feet” stemmed from the assumption that my cognitive processing was the driving force behind my speaking skills. But the truth is, excessive thinking was what led to hesitation and uncertainty in my speech.
Allow me to clarify.
Consider your natural conversations. Your responses flow out effortlessly. Your expressions change naturally. Your tone adjusts itself based on the conversation. While reading these words, you’ve probably nodded or reacted subconsciously.
If you’re going to be a confident speaker, it’s essential to acknowledge that you’re overthinking. You’re speaking apprehensively.
It’s crucial to let go of the illusion of control that comes from believing your words need to be perfectly crafted in your mind before they can be spoken. They don’t. Your confidence does, and it is most robust when it arises without overthinking. When you speak instinctively.
2) You’re too focused on perfection
This was an unexpected realization for me.
“Striving for perfection” emanated from the belief that my words needed to be flawless for my speech to be compelling. But in reality, an obsession with perfection was what caused my speeches to feel rigid and rehearsed.
Let me elaborate.
Consider the most captivating speakers you know. Their words aren’t always perfect. They mispronounce, they stutter, and they even lose track at times. But it’s their authenticity and passion that make their speeches memorable.
If you’re going to be a confident speaker, it’s necessary to comprehend that you’re overly focused on perfection. You’re speaking mechanically.
It’s vital to shift away from the illusion of perfection that comes from believing every word and phrase needs to be meticulously structured. It doesn’t. Your authenticity does, and it is most impactful when it shines through despite imperfections. When you speak authentically.
Sometimes my speeches have flaws. Other times I stumble over words or phrases. I don’t stress over this anymore. Rather, I embrace these moments as opportunities to connect with my audience on a human level, making my speeches more relatable and engaging.
3) You’re afraid of silence
You might convince yourself that maintaining a constant flow of words is the key to an engaging speech, but sooner or later, you might find yourself fearing the moments of silence in your speeches.
You might even find your audience losing interest during these non-stop verbal marathons. Few speeches can captivate an audience without thoughtful pauses.
Silence tends to scare speakers, but if you purposefully avoid moments of quiet, you are inviting monotony.
Also, it’s important to ask yourself about the role of silence in your speeches.
Perhaps you and your audience are seeking these silent moments for a chance to reflect on the points being made.
Often, we criticize ourselves for allowing silence, as though it’s something that we shouldn’t permit in our speeches.
Perhaps it’s time to embrace these pauses. They may be a sign that you’re onto a powerful presentation tool.
4) You’re dismissing your body language
I began this article by focusing on speech and verbal communication.
The thing is, speech and verbal communication also justify how we present ourselves physically.
In my case, I tend to get consumed with the content of my speeches. I become engrossed with the next point or the final statement of my presentation.
My intentions are good. The content of my speech has the potential to inspire, educate, or motivate my audience.
But when I get so consumed, I can slip into the habit of thinking the words I say are more important than my body language. I can neglect eye contact with my audience. I become rigid and probably not such a relatable speaker to listen to.
If I judged myself for my intentions, I wouldn’t question my body language.
Instead, because I don’t focus solely on my words, I am more able to reflect on my gestures and posture and change how I present myself. I am learning to balance attention between my words and actions.
How you use body language is what matters, not just the words that leave your mouth.
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5) You’re ignoring feedback
This one hit close to home for me.
I remember delivering a presentation that I thought was one of my best. The content was well-researched, my delivery was smooth, and I managed to maintain eye contact throughout the speech.
After the presentation, a colleague approached me with some constructive criticism. He pointed out that while my content was good, my delivery lacked variation in tone and pace, making the speech monotonous over time.
At first, I dismissed his feedback, thinking he didn’t understand the topic of my speech or maybe he had misunderstood my style of delivery. But on replaying the video of the presentation, I realized that he was right.
My intentions were good, and the content of my speech was sound. But by ignoring his feedback initially, I missed an opportunity to learn and improve.
From that point on, I decided to embrace feedback – both positive and negative – as a tool for growth. It wasn’t always easy, but it has undeniably made me a better speaker over time.
Ignoring feedback is an unconscious behavior many of us slip into. But if we truly want to become confident speakers, we need to say goodbye to this habit and welcome constructive criticism as an essential part of our growth journey.
6) You’re neglecting the power of storytelling
Great speakers have long understood the power of storytelling in capturing audience attention. They weave narratives into their speeches, transforming a simple idea into a captivating journey that resonates with listeners.
Here’s the key point:
This technique prompts us to reflect on our speech content, to understand how we can frame our ideas in a more engaging manner, and to harness the age-old art of storytelling.
For those feeling nervous about public speaking, embedding stories in your speech can make your content more relatable. It’s a reminder that your speech is more than just an information dump – it’s a narrative that connects you and your audience.
Utilizing storytelling encourages us to see our speeches as part of a larger narrative and can provide a sense of purpose and engagement.
7) You’re avoiding vulnerability
In the quest for confident speaking, we often armor ourselves with facts, figures, and polished language. We aim for an impeccable image, thinking that vulnerability might weaken our credibility.
However, the paradox is that vulnerability can be a strength in public speaking. It allows us to connect on a deeper level with our audience, humanizing us and making our speeches more relatable and genuine.
Embracing vulnerability means letting go of the fear of making mistakes or revealing our insecurities. It’s about sharing our experiences, insights, and even our struggles.
For those striving for perfection in public speaking, acknowledging vulnerability can be liberating. It shifts the focus from mere performance to genuine connection – making your speeches more impactful and memorable.
Bidding farewell to the fear of vulnerability might seem counterintuitive in the pursuit of confident speaking, but it’s a powerful step towards becoming a speaker who resonates with their audience on a deeper level.
Bottom line: It could be habitual
The complexities of human behavior and our speaking skills often have deep-rooted connections with our long-term habits.
One such connection is the relationship between confident speakers and a psychological process known as ‘neuroplasticity’.
This process, prevalent in all humans, refers to the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. It plays a pivotal role in our learning and adaptation.
For aspiring confident speakers, neuroplasticity might be a key factor in their journey towards mastery. This process could potentially foster a sense of ease and confidence when they repeatedly practice public speaking.
Whether it’s delivering a keynote speech, engaging in a heated debate, presenting a sales pitch, or just telling a story to friends, the underlying neuroplasticity might be enhancing their skills.
By saying goodbye to these seven unconscious behaviors and embracing consistent practice, you’re not just improving your speaking skills – you’re rewiring your brain towards becoming a more confident speaker. This transformative journey is not just about public speaking. It’s about personal growth and embracing change, one speech at a time.