When someone praises you, you feel good. When someone insults you, you feel bad.
That’s the simple side of communication.
However, it’s not always as straightforward as that. Especially when dealing with narcissists.
They’re masters at using subtle phrases to undermine your self-confidence.
It’s a tricky game to understand, but some people are naturals at spotting these tactics.
Here’s a quick introduction to “8 subtle phrases a narcissist will use when they want to undermine you and your self-confidence”.
1) “You’re overreacting”
Communication is a wild ride, especially when a narcissist is involved.
They have a knack for turning everything around, making you doubt your own feelings. One of their favorite phrases to use is “You’re overreacting”.
This is a classic move. It’s subtle, yet incredibly damaging to your self-confidence. Here’s why.
Imagine you’re upset about something they’ve done. You express your feelings, hoping for understanding and empathy. Instead, you get a dismissive “You’re overreacting”.
Suddenly, the problem isn’t what they did. It’s your reaction to it. It’s a simple swap, but it’s enough to make you question your emotions.
Are you really overreacting? Are your feelings invalid? The seeds of self-doubt start to grow.
And that’s exactly what a narcissist wants. They want you to doubt yourself, not them.
Whenever someone tells you that you’re overreacting, take a step back and reassess the situation. Is this truly an overreaction or a clever ploy to undermine your self-confidence?
In the end, trust your feelings. They are valid and real, no matter what anyone says.
2) “I was just joking”
This one hits close to home for me.
Narcissists love to use humor as a weapon, and “I was just joking” is their favorite shield. It’s a phrase that is seemingly harmless but carries a lot of weight when used incorrectly.
I can still remember the time when I was new at my job, and I made a minor mistake. My boss, who I later realized was a narcissist, made a sarcastic comment about it in front of everyone. I felt embarrassed and humiliated.
When I confronted him later about it, he simply brushed it off saying, “I was just joking. Can’t you take a joke?”
In that moment, not only did he dismiss my feelings, but he also made me feel like I was the problem for not being able to take a joke. It was a clever way to undermine my confidence while avoiding any personal blame.
It’s important to remember that jokes are meant to bring joy, not pain.
If someone uses humor to belittle you and then hides behind the shield of “I was just joking”, it’s not you who has the problem. It’s them.
3) “No one else has a problem with it”
This phrase is a cunning trap set by narcissists. It’s a manipulation tactic known as ‘gaslighting’, an insidious method to make you question your reality and sanity.
When a narcissist tells you, “No one else has a problem with it”, what they’re doing is dismissing your concern and isolating you at the same time.
They’re subtly implying that there’s something wrong with you for having an issue that nobody else seems to have.
This statement is designed to make you feel like an outsider, like you’re overreacting, or like your feelings are invalid.
But here’s the thing. Just because others don’t have a problem with something doesn’t mean that your issue with it isn’t valid. Everyone has different experiences and different perspectives.
So, if you ever hear this phrase, remember: your feelings are valid, and no one else’s opinion should dictate how you should feel.
4) “You’re too sensitive”
Ah, the classic “You’re too sensitive” line. This is another favorite among narcissists.
It’s a phrase designed to belittle your feelings and make you doubt your emotional responses.
When a narcissist tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re essentially saying that your feelings are not only excessive but also unjustified.
It’s a way for them to dismiss your concerns and feelings without having to address the issue at hand.
Instead of acknowledging their behavior, they focus on your reaction, making it seem like the problem lies with you and not with them.
But remember this – there’s no such thing as being ‘too’ sensitive. Your feelings are your own, and nobody has the right to dictate how you should react or feel.
Next time someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, remind yourself that it’s okay to have feelings and express them. It’s not a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of being human.
5) “That never happened”
This one is a tough pill to swallow.
The phrase “That never happened” is a full-on assault on your reality. It’s another classic gaslighting technique narcissists use, and it’s one of the most damaging.
I’ve experienced this myself, and let me tell you, it’s a real mind-bender. You’re sure something happened, you remember it clearly, but the narcissist flat out denies it.
It’s incredibly frustrating and confusing. You start to question your memory, your sanity, and your perception of reality. I remember times when I would be left wondering if I really was misremembering things.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Trust yourself. Your memories and feelings are valid. If someone consistently denies events that you clearly remember, it’s not your memory that’s faulty – it’s their honesty that’s in question.
6) “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Sounds like an apology, right? But it’s far from it.
When a narcissist says “I’m sorry you feel that way”, they’re not actually expressing remorse for their actions or acknowledging any wrongdoing. Instead, they’re subtly shifting the blame onto you.
The focus here isn’t on their actions or behavior, but on your feelings about them.
It’s a clever way to avoid taking responsibility while making it seem like they’re empathizing with you.
It’s a phrase that leaves you feeling unheard and invalidated. Your feelings are turned into the problem, rather than their actions that caused those feelings.
So, next time you hear this phrase, remember: an apology should be about acknowledging and taking responsibility for one’s behavior, not dismissing someone’s emotional response to it.
7) “You’re just jealous”
This phrase is a masterstroke in manipulation. It’s intended to make you doubt your own feelings and motivations.
When a narcissist tells you that you’re just jealous, they’re dismissing your concerns or criticisms as mere envy. They’re implying that your feelings are not based on valid observations but on a petty desire to be like them.
It’s their way of avoiding any self-examination or accountability for their actions, by making it seem like the only reason you’re upset is that you’re envious of them.
Don’t let this manipulation tactic sway you. Your feelings are valid.
If you have a concern or criticism, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re jealous. It means you’re observant and assertive enough to voice it.
8) “You’ll never find anyone better than me”
This is perhaps the most dangerous phrase a narcissist can use.
When they tell you, “You’ll never find anyone better than me”, they’re trying to instill in you a fear of abandonment and a belief that you’re not worthy of better treatment.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep you tied to them, doubting your worth and your ability to find happiness elsewhere.
But here’s the truth: You are worthy. You are deserving of respect, love, and kindness.
And you absolutely can find someone better – someone who values you and treats you with the dignity you deserve.
The path forward
If you’ve come this far, it’s clear that you’re determined to understand and protect yourself from the manipulative tactics of a narcissist. That’s a commendable first step.
Remember, these phrases are not reflective of your worth, but are merely tools used by narcissists to maintain control and avoid accountability. It’s about their insecurities, not your inadequacies.
Understanding this is crucial. It can help transform the way you respond to these phrases, empowering you to reclaim your self-confidence and assert your worth.
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The power lies within you.
So, as you move forward, take this knowledge with you. Use it as a shield against manipulation.
Stand tall in your truth and remember: You are worthy. You are valuable. And most importantly, you deserve respect and kindness in all your interactions.
This journey might be challenging, but remember that every step you take is a step towards a stronger, more empowered you.
