Constructive criticism can be a great tool for personal growth, but not all feedback is genuine.
Sometimes, people use the guise of constructive criticism to subtly put others down, undermining their confidence or self-worth—they might be subtly putting you down while making it seem like they’re just trying to help.
Recognizing these subtle signs can help you differentiate between helpful advice and disguised negativity.
In this article, we’ll explore 8 signs that someone is subtly putting you down, all while disguising it as constructive criticism.
Let’s dive in and unravel these sneaky tactics.
1) They use your past mistakes to belittle you
We all make mistakes—it’s part of being human, after all—and, often, it’s from those mistakes that we learn and grow.
However, some people have a knack for using our past errors to subtly put us down; they bring up these past blunders whenever they get a chance, masking their remarks as ‘helpful reminders’.
Constructive criticism is about helping you improve, so be aware of this sneaky tactic and don’t let it shatter your confidence.
2) They compliment you with a caveat
One time, a friend of mine told me, “You’re really smart… for a blonde.”
I remember feeling a rush of mixed emotions; I was vaguely pleased by the compliment but also felt insulted.
This is called a ‘backhanded compliment’, where praise is followed by an underhanded insult or negative remark—it’s a classic way of subtly putting someone down in the guise of being constructive or complimentary.
When someone constantly gives you these “compliments,” they’re not really praising you.
They’re using their words to undermine your achievements and make you feel less about yourself—they’re definitely not as innocent as they seem.
3) They constantly compare you to others
Comparisons might seem like a harmless way to gauge your progress or abilities.
Coincidentally, Harvard Business Review conducted a study that showed repeated comparison with others—in social media—can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
If someone always compares you to other people — especially when you didn’t ask for it — they might be subtly trying to undermine your confidence, all while disguising it as constructive criticism.
Everyone’s journey is different—your achievements and growth should never be measured against someone else’s.
4) Their criticism is always personal, never situational
Constructive criticism should be about your work or behavior, not about you as a person.
Constantly criticizing your personality traits or inherent characteristics that you can’t change is most certainly a red flag—they’re not offering constructive feedback, they’re just putting you down.
For example, there’s a big difference between saying, “You were quite aggressive in that meeting, it might help to tone it down next time,” and saying, “You’re an aggressive person.”
The former addresses a specific situation and offers a solution, while the latter is an attack on your character.
Watch out for personal jabs disguised as criticism!
5) They make you doubt your abilities
Belief in our own abilities is the fuel that drives us to overcome challenges and achieve our goals.
Should you find yourself doubting your abilities due to someone’s constant ‘feedback,’ it might be more about them trying to put you down than genuinely help you improve.
Receiving criticism, especially constructive ones, is meant to build you up, not break you down—that’s why it’s ‘constructive’ for a reason.
You are capable in doing what you do in confident, so don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Trust in your abilities and continue to shine.
6) They downplay your achievements
I remember when I received a well-deserved promotion at work, someone close to me said, “Well, it’s not like you’re a CEO or anything.”
Instead of celebrating my success, they downplayed it as if it wasn’t significant.
When someone constantly downplays your achievements, it feels like they’re invalidating to joy of your accomplishments.
Know that your victories, no matter how big or small, should be celebrated, not diminished.
Don’t let anyone belittle your accomplishments—be proud of every step you take towards your goals.
7) They deliver criticism with a negative tone
Your tone of voice, in conversations, matters—a lot.
The same piece of feedback can feel completely different based on how it’s delivered.
Delivering feedback in a constructive manner should be expressed in a respectful, positive tone that encourages improvement, not in a way that makes you feel small, worthless, or embarrassed.
Pay attention to the tone people use when they’re giving you feedback—if it’s more hurtful than helpful, it’s probably not as constructive as it seems.
8) They make you feel inferior
The most important sign that someone is subtly putting you down is if you consistently feel inferior around them.
Constructive criticism, in its essence, should make you feel empowered to improve and not inferior or less than.
If someone’s ‘feedback’ leaves you feeling small, worthless, or constantly on the defensive, it’s not constructive criticism—it’s a put-down.
Remember, you deserve respect and kindness, so don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Final thoughts: The power of self-respect
The most powerful tool to combat subtle put-downs is self-respect.
Maya Angelou once said, “I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.”
Similarly, we shouldn’t trust anyone who doesn’t respect us; we all deserve to be treated with dignity and kindness, especially when it comes to criticism.
Understanding the signs of subtle put-downs is a form of self-care and empowerment as it helps you distinguish between genuine feedback and disguised insults.
Constructive criticism should foster growth, not create feelings of inferiority or worthlessness.
If ‘constructive criticism’ feels more like a put-down, trust your instincts—it likely is.
Hold on to your self-respect; you have every right to reject criticism that doesn’t support your growth or well-being.
