“What if my personality in real life is different from my online one?” I was once asked during an interview. “Do I need to hide who I truly am online so people will want to connect with me and I can find a job?”
My answer: If you need to hide who you truly are just so people will connect with you, then you need to reexamine your life. If you have an abrasive personality, tell wildly inappropriate jokes, or are a jerk in real life, then you don’t need to hide who you are, you need to change.
Hide or change?
I’ll admit it’s a pretty harsh answer, but it’s true. Otherwise the implication is that the other person is not going to be nice, unless a job or valuable opportunity is at stake. “Well, I was going to be an a-hole, but you work for a company I want to work for, so I’m going to be nice to you. For now.”
That’s not how social media and personal branding works. Since when did being nice become optional? Since when is jerkiness the default position, and niceness is the fallback?
Get a glimpse into who someone really is
The thing I like about social media is that, for the most part, you can see who everyone is. It’s not like the comments section of most major newspapers, which have become cesspools of racist and homophobic language. The trolls who live there hide behind the anonymity of the Internet; while social media lets others see who you are.
That’s why some newspapers are having people log in with Facebook instead. If people are forced to use their real name and real photo, they’re less likely to spew their venom on others. If a face and name can be linked directly to jerky behavior, those people are less likely to be jerks.
Maybe I’m being overly optimistic and Pollyannaish, but I don’t think you should have to choose between behaving appropriately and being a jerk. I’d like to think that people are generally good people, and that they’ll treat other people with respect. But if you find that you have to make a choice just to get a job or grow your network, you need to look at what your “changing from” starting point is. If you find that person is not someone other people want to hire, connect with, or friend, figure out who you want to be instead. Then be that person.
Author:
Erik Deckers is the co-owner and VP of Creative Services for Professional Blog Service in Indianapolis. Erik co-authored Branding Yourself: Using Social Media to Invent or Reinvent Yourself, and is working on a new social media book. Erik frequently speaks about blogging and social media for personal branding and small business marketing.
