I’ve spent a good chunk of my career observing how people relate to one another, especially in the realm of power dynamics.
You’d be surprised how often manipulation flies under the radar because it can look so subtle at first.
Maybe you’ve experienced that uneasy feeling in your gut but couldn’t pinpoint why. That little voice in your head might have said, “Something’s off, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
In my counseling sessions, I’ve had countless conversations with individuals who feel cornered by loved ones, bosses, or even close friends.
Each time, it boils down to someone pulling strings behind the scenes—manipulating them—because they feel they can’t get their way through honest, direct means.
It doesn’t matter whether the manipulator is your romantic partner, your coworker, or a friend you’ve had for ages; the tactics often follow a predictable pattern.
While every situation has its nuances, these behaviors tend to indicate a deep sense of insecurity on the manipulator’s part.
That’s why they resort to crafty games instead of open dialogue—because they feel powerless otherwise.
Let’s dive into seven common mind games they use, and explore what they’re all about.
1. The guilt trip
The guilt trip is probably one of the most blatant forms of manipulation I see in my practice.
Essentially, the manipulator twists situations to make you feel solely responsible for their emotions or hardships.
It’s a classic move where they say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you…” or “I guess I’m just not important enough.”
The goal is to weigh you down with shame so you’ll give in to their demands.
This game banks heavily on the fact that most of us dislike feeling guilty. When someone throws around lines that poke at our conscience, we’re more likely to do what they want just to relieve that uncomfortable feeling.
Recognizing a guilt trip for what it is can be your first line of defense. Whenever you sense someone exploiting your empathy to control you, it’s time to set some emotional boundaries.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting has become a buzzword in recent years, and for good reason.
It’s that sneaky tactic where the manipulator denies your reality, insisting that what you saw or felt never actually happened. Little by little, you start to doubt your own judgment.
Suddenly, you find yourself second-guessing whether you’re overreacting, or worse, you question your sanity.
I’ve spoken with more people than I can count who’ve struggled to trust their own recollections because the manipulator in their life repeatedly contradicted them.
The folks at Very Well Mind highlight that gaslighting chips away at one’s self-confidence and sense of reality. The more it happens, the harder it becomes to disentangle the truth from the lies.
If you find yourself constantly apologizing or feeling you have to record every conversation just to confirm what was said, that’s a giant red flag.
Awareness is the key; once you see gaslighting for what it is, you can begin to reclaim your perspective and sanity.
3. Triangulation
Triangulation is another classic trick manipulators pull out when they’re feeling insecure.
Instead of confronting you directly, they bring a third party—another person, or even an imagined group—into the equation.
You’ll hear statements like, “Everyone else thinks you’re being unreasonable,” or “My friend also says you need to change.”
The point is to back you into a corner by making you feel that it’s not just them against you but a whole crowd.
I’ve had clients who felt like they had to please not just their partner but also the partner’s entire friend group or family because their concerns were weaponized against them.
Triangulation fuels confusion and isolation, especially if you aren’t sure who to trust.
It’s a classic tactic to avoid direct conflict, and instead, the manipulator garners support or pretends to have it.
Personally, I try to remind people that if someone is unwilling to talk to you one-on-one and respects you enough to handle disagreements privately, that speaks volumes about their true intentions.
4. Projection
Projection is when someone refuses to own up to their own feelings or actions and instead accuses you of the very behavior they’re guilty of.
If they’re feeling jealous, they’ll say you’re the one who’s envious.
If they’re angry and frustrated, they’ll claim you’re the one lashing out.
In essence, they project their issues onto you because they can’t handle admitting their insecurities.
Daniel Goleman wrote extensively about emotional intelligence and how self-awareness is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
Someone who consistently projects onto others is lacking in that self-awareness department, so they dodge responsibility by flipping the script.
Whenever I see this unfold, it reminds me how crucial it is to stay grounded in your own reality. Keep asking yourself: “Is this really my emotion or theirs?”
It may take practice, but once you develop that mental muscle, you’ll be much better equipped to reject these false accusations.
5. The silent treatment
The silent treatment is something I’ve personally encountered, both in personal relationships (long before I became a counselor) and in stories clients share.
The manipulator freezes you out—no calls, no texts, no conversation at the dinner table—until you feel compelled to apologize, even if you don’t think you did anything wrong.
This kind of emotional withholding can be incredibly distressing because it plays on our fear of abandonment or rejection.
The group at Psychology Today has highlighted that giving someone the silent treatment for extended periods is a form of emotional abuse. It chips away at trust and open communication.
The silent treatment draws its power from your anxiety; you panic at the idea of being cut off, so you scramble to “fix” whatever the manipulator says you broke.
But remember, a healthy relationship involves addressing issues and talking them through, not shutting each other out.
6. Passive-aggressive jabs
You’ve probably heard phrases like, “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed,” or “I guess I’ll just do it myself.”
These little digs might seem trivial at first, but they’re often laced with resentment and a desire to control.
The manipulator wants you to pick up on their displeasure, but they won’t come right out and say, “I’m upset; let’s work this out.”
Instead, they send coded messages so you’ll feel guilty or responsible for their mood.
Passive-aggressive behavior allows a manipulator to maintain the upper hand by leaving you guessing.
You might even find yourself saying, “What did I do this time?” Over time, it becomes exhausting, and that’s precisely the point.
If they can wear you down, you’ll be more likely to bend to their will just to restore harmony.
7. The push-pull dynamic
I’ve saved a big one until last, friends. The push-pull dynamic can be especially confusing because it alternates between warmth and coldness, leaving you uncertain where you stand.
One moment, the manipulator is praising you, showering you with attention, and building you up. The next, they’re distant, critical, or outright dismissive.
This rollercoaster of affection and rejection creates a craving for the “good moments,” so you start chasing their approval.
I’ve seen people in my counseling sessions who describe this like an emotional yo-yo. They’re on cloud nine one day, feeling loved and appreciated, only to be dropped the next day. It’s a powerful hook because it’s unpredictable.
You live for those glimmers of positivity, forgetting (or excusing) the fact that the low points are emotionally draining.
Over time, this dynamic can even become addictive, as you cling to hope that the warm phase is the real deal, while chalking up the cold phase to stress or bad moods.
Healthy relationships don’t keep you guessing; they provide steady support and respect, no matter the season. If that’s not how you feel, you might be in a manipulative relationship.
Final thoughts
These manipulative mind games all share a common theme: someone trying to avoid transparent communication and mutual respect because they feel they lack genuine power in the relationship.
They bank on your vulnerabilities—your empathy, your desire for approval, or your fear of conflict—to make you bend.
Recognizing these strategies is often the biggest step toward breaking free. Once you can name a manipulation tactic, it starts to lose its grip.
If you suspect someone in your life is pulling these strings, remember that you have options.
You can set boundaries, seek outside support, or even confront the behavior head-on if you feel safe doing so.
We can’t control how someone else chooses to behave, but we can refuse to let manipulative tactics dictate how we feel and act.
Signing off.
