There’s a world of difference between wanting someone and needing them.
The difference lies in the traits you value. Wanting someone can often be based on superficial attributes, while needing them goes deeper – it’s about identifying those rare qualities that make them indispensable to you.
Psychology, interestingly enough, has quite a bit to say about what these rare traits should be.
According to psychologists, there are certain characteristics your life partner should possess. And trust me, it’s not about their looks or how much they earn.
Here are seven rare traits you should always seek in a life partner, according to psychology. These aren’t just desirable qualities – they’re the ones that can make or break a relationship. So let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Emotional intelligence
The real world doesn’t operate like a Hollywood movie.
The perfect partner isn’t about grand gestures or picture-perfect looks. According to psychologists, one of the most vital traits to seek in a life partner is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is all about understanding, managing, and effectively expressing your own feelings, as well as engaging and navigating successfully with the feelings of others.
Consider this. It’s the trait that helps your partner understand when you’ve had a tough day and need some space, or when you’re ecstatic about a promotion and want to celebrate.
A high EQ individual can better manage conflicts, communicate effectively, empathize with others, and overcome life’s trials with a positive outlook.
This makes them perfect for the ups-and-downs that come with sharing a life together.
When it comes to seeking a life partner, someone with high emotional intelligence can be a real game-changer. They’re not just understanding – they’re your emotional rock.
2) Genuine kindness
I’ve dated a lot of people in my time, but the one trait that has always stood out to me is genuine kindness.
In my early twenties, I was in a relationship with someone who was incredibly successful and charismatic. On paper, they were the perfect partner.
But in reality, they lacked a fundamental kindness. They’d often put their needs before mine, and would rarely consider how their actions affected me.
Fast forward a few years and I found myself in a relationship with someone entirely different. They didn’t have the same level of success or charisma, but they were genuinely kind.
They would go out of their way to make sure I was okay, would always consider my feelings before making decisions, and would actively do things to make me happy.
This experience made it clear to me that kindness isn’t just about being nice – it’s about considering others before yourself.
Psychology supports this too. Studies have found that kindness is linked to a host of benefits, including increased relationship satisfaction and longevity.
If you’re looking for a life partner, don’t overlook the power of simple, genuine kindness. It could make all the difference.
3) Conflict resolution skills
Let’s face it, disagreements are inevitable in any relationship.
But did you know that the way you and your partner manage those disagreements could be a predictor of your relationship’s success?
According to psychologist John Gottman, the ability to resolve conflicts effectively is one of the key factors in long-term relationship satisfaction.
He found that couples who approach disagreements with empathy, understanding, and effective communication are more likely to stay together than those who don’t.
When you’re evaluating potential life partners, pay attention to how they handle conflicts.
Do they listen to your point of view or dismiss it? Do they strive for compromise or insist on getting their way?
Their approach to conflict resolution can give you a lot of insight into what your future with them might look like.
4) A sense of humor
Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, the ability to laugh in the face of adversity can be the best coping mechanism.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that your life partner should be cracking jokes 24/7.
But a shared sense of humor can help you both navigate through the tough times and make the good times even better.
A good laugh can act as a stress reliever, a mood booster, and a bond strengthener. It’s the secret ingredient that keeps things light and joyful, even amidst life’s challenges.
5) Loyalty
In my past relationships, there were times when I felt that trust was broken.
It wasn’t always about infidelity – sometimes, it was about broken promises or not being there when I needed them the most.
Loyalty is a rare trait to find, but it’s one that carries immense weight.
It’s more than just being faithful; it’s about being reliable, keeping your word, and standing by your partner through thick and thin.
When you have someone who shows you they’re loyal, who sticks with you during the stormy days and doesn’t waver in their commitment, it creates a sense of security and trust.
It’s a reminder that no matter what life throws at you, you’re not alone – you have a partner standing by your side.
Look out for signs of loyalty. It’s one of the cornerstones of a strong, enduring relationship.
6) Shared values
It’s easy to fall for someone who’s attractive, fun, and exciting. But, when the initial spark dims and reality sets in, it’s the shared values that keep a relationship going.
Values are like the compass that guides our lives – they determine our decisions, our actions, and ultimately, our satisfaction in life.
When two people have similar values, they’re more likely to have shared life goals and compatible views on important issues.
This could range from ideas on family planning and money management to beliefs about personal growth and social issues.
Before diving headfirst into a relationship, take a moment to understand their values.
Ask yourself – do they align with yours? Because in the end, a relationship is not just about love and attraction, but also about compatibility on a deeper level.
7) Self-awareness
Perhaps the most crucial trait to look for in a life partner is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the understanding of one’s own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values, and goals. It’s about knowing who you are at your core and being comfortable with it.
A self-aware person can recognize their mistakes and learn from them. They can understand their feelings and manage them effectively. They recognize their strengths and how best to utilize them.
They’re not perfect, but they strive to grow and improve.
When your partner is self-aware, they can contribute more positively to the relationship because they understand themselves and how their actions affect others.
It leads to better communication, improved conflict resolution, and a healthier relationship overall.
Final thoughts: It’s beyond the surface
The dynamics of human relationships are complex and deeply personal.
One such complexity is the process of finding a life partner. It’s not just about shared hobbies, physical attraction, or even compatibility in surface-level preferences.
It’s about the rare traits that stand the test of time.
These traits – emotional intelligence, genuine kindness, conflict resolution skills, a sense of humor, loyalty, shared values, and self-awareness – are not just desirable.
They’re essential for a healthy and enduring relationship.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This quote beautifully encapsulates the power of self-awareness – one of the key traits we’ve discussed.
When seeking a life partner, look beyond the surface. Look for these rare traits.
It’s these qualities that will navigate you and your partner through life’s twists and turns, and make your journey together truly fulfilling.
