In relationships, there’s a unique breed of people who always seem to give more than they take.
They’re not doormats, they’re givers. And they’re not just generous with their time and resources, but with their kindness, patience, and understanding as well.
As Tina Fey, the founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’ve observed that these selfless individuals often display certain subtle behaviors that set them apart.
Being aware of these behaviors can help you identify the givers in your life, or even inspire you to cultivate these qualities yourself.
Let’s dive in and explore the 8 subtle behaviors usually displayed by people who give more than they take in relationships.
1) They’re active listeners
In relationships, the ability to truly listen is more powerful than you might think.
Those who give more than they take are often skilled in active listening.
This means they’re not just hearing the words you’re saying, but they’re truly understanding and absorbing your thoughts, feelings, and perspectives.
Active listening goes beyond just being silent when someone else is talking.
It involves:
- Showing genuine interest in the other person’s words
- Asking clarifying questions
- Offering feedback and validation when appropriate
Think about it. When someone really listens to you, it makes you feel valued and understood. It builds trust and fosters a deeper emotional connection.
That’s why active listening is a common habit among people who give more than they take in relationships.
They understand the power of giving someone their full attention and making them feel heard.
2) They’re quick to forgive
As a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that people who give more than they take are often quick to forgive. They understand that holding onto grudges serves no purpose other than to drain their own emotional energy.
This doesn’t mean they let others walk all over them, or that they ignore when they’ve been wronged.
Instead, they address the issue, express their feelings, and then make an active choice to let go and move forward.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, as much as it is to the person you’re forgiving.
It allows you to release negative emotions and make room for peace and positivity in your life.
3) They prioritize self-care
Now, this may sound counterintuitive. After all, we’re talking about people who often put others before themselves. But one thing I’ve noticed in my years of working with couples is that those who give more than they take also understand the importance of self-care.
They know that to be able to give to others, they first need to take care of their own needs.
This might mean:
- Taking time out for relaxation
- Pursuing a hobby they love
- Simply ensuring they get enough rest and exercise
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into the importance of taking care of oneself in a relationship. Codependency often stems from neglecting one’s own needs and focusing too much on the needs of others.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself so you can continue to give to others without burning out.
4) They’re comfortable with saying “no”
Here’s a surprising one. People who give more than they take in relationships are actually comfortable with saying “no.” Yes, you read that right.
Now, I know this seems counterintuitive. If someone is a giver, wouldn’t they always say “yes” to requests from their loved ones? Not necessarily.
The truth is, givers understand that always saying “yes” can lead to resentment over time. They value their relationships too much to let resentment creep in.
That’s why they’re comfortable setting boundaries and saying “no” when they need to.
This doesn’t mean they’re selfish or unkind. On the contrary, they understand that sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for both yourself and the other person is to say “no.”
5) They express gratitude regularly
Gratitude is a powerful tool. It shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s already present, and it fosters a sense of contentment and joy.
In my own life, I’ve made it a practice to start each day by writing down three things I’m grateful for.
And I’ve noticed that this simple habit has had a profound impact on my overall perspective and happiness.
People who give more than they take often have a similar habit. They make it a point to express gratitude regularly, both to themselves and to others.
They might:
- Thank their partner for doing the dishes
- Express appreciation for a friend’s support
- Simply acknowledge their own accomplishments at the end of the day
By expressing gratitude, they reinforce positive behaviors, strengthen their relationships, and cultivate an overall sense of well-being.
It’s a small habit with big rewards.
6) They’re not afraid of vulnerability
Vulnerability can be scary. It means opening up, showing your true self, and risking rejection or judgment. But it’s also a key component of deep, meaningful relationships.
People who give more than they take understand this. They’re not afraid to:
- Be vulnerable
- Show their flaws and insecurities
- Admit when they’re wrong or when they don’t know something
They understand that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but of courage.
It’s about being genuine and authentic, about showing up as you are and allowing others to do the same.
It doesn’t mean they spill their deepest secrets to everyone they meet. But with those they trust and care about, they’re willing to let down their guard and be seen.
7) They practice empathy
Empathy is a quality that I hold close to my heart. It’s about trying to understand another person’s perspective, even if it differs from your own.
People who give more than they take are often empathetic. They strive to understand the feelings and experiences of others, rather than just focusing on their own.
Empathy allows them to connect with others on a deeper level, and it guides them in how they respond to others’ needs and emotions.
Practicing empathy doesn’t mean you always agree with the other person, but it means you validate their feelings and experiences. And in doing so, you create a safe space for open and honest communication.
8) They’re not seeking a perfect balance
Here’s an honest truth: relationships aren’t about keeping a perfect score.
People who give more than they take understand this. They’re not constantly tallying up who has done more for whom.
They’re not seeking a perfect 50/50 balance because they know that such a thing doesn’t exist in real relationships.
Sometimes, they’ll give more. Other times, they’ll need to take more. And that’s okay.
What matters to them is the over-all health and happiness of the relationship, not exact equality in every action.
They trust that over time, things will balance out in their own way.
They give freely, without keeping score, and without expecting something in return.
Conclusion
If you find yourself relating to any of these behaviors, know that you’re contributing positively to your relationships.
And if you see areas where you can improve, remember that it’s never too late to cultivate these qualities.
For more insight on maintaining healthy dynamics in your relationships, consider checking out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a deeper dive into avoiding codependency and fostering a balanced, fulfilling relationship.
Giving more than you take isn’t about self-sacrifice. It’s about recognizing the value of your relationships and constantly striving to nurture them.
Continue to give with love and understanding, and watch your relationships flourish.
