There’s a fine line between being confident and being self-centred.
Being self-centred usually involves prioritising your own needs, wants, and feelings above everyone else’s, often without even realising it.
On the other hand, confidence is about knowing your worth, but also acknowledging and respecting the worth of others.
People who are genuinely self-centred often exhibit specific behaviours that give away their true nature without them even noticing.
In this article, we’re going to delve into these behaviours, to help you identify and understand this often unconscious mindset.
Let’s get started.
1) They usually put their needs first
One of the most telltale signs of a genuinely self-centred person is their tendency to prioritise their needs above all else.
You see, being self-centred isn’t necessarily about disregarding others completely. It’s more about consistently putting oneself at the epicenter of every decision, often without even realising it.
For instance, a self-centred person might choose a restaurant based on their preference, without considering whether others in the group would enjoy it.
Or in a group discussion, they might continue to steer the conversation back to their experiences and opinions, leaving little room for others to share theirs.
These are subtle actions, that might not even be perceived as selfish at first glance. But over time, they reveal a pattern – one where their needs, wants and feelings take precedence over everyone else’s.
When you notice someone consistently placing their needs first, you might be dealing with a genuinely self-centred individual.
2) They often lack empathy
Another behaviour that self-centred individuals often display without realizing it, is a lack of empathy.
Now, let me share a personal example which illustrates this. I once had a friend who always seemed to be wrapped up in her own world. When we would meet up, she would spend the majority of the time talking about her day, her problems, her achievements.
One day, I was going through a particularly tough time. I’d just lost my job and was feeling pretty low. When we met up, I tried to express my feelings and fears about what lay ahead. However, she quickly brushed over my concerns and started talking about some trivial issue she was facing at work.
There was no comfort or understanding, no attempt to step into my shoes and understand what I was going through. It felt like my feelings were insignificant compared to hers.
This is a classic example of how self-centred people can lack empathy. They are so consumed by their own world that they struggle to empathize with the feelings and experiences of others. It’s not that they’re bad people; they just find it hard to shift their focus away from themselves.
3) They struggle with active listening
Self-centred individuals often find it challenging to actively engage in conversations that don’t directly involve them or their interests. This is mainly because active listening requires setting aside one’s thoughts and feelings to focus on the speaker, which can be difficult for someone who is habitually centred on themselves.
Did you know that studies have shown active listening to be one of the most powerful tools for building connections and fostering understanding between people? Yet, it’s a skill that self-centred individuals often struggle with.
Instead of tuning into what the other person is saying, they’re likely already planning their response, waiting for their turn to speak, or thinking about something entirely different. This can lead to miscommunication, misunderstandings, and can leave the other person feeling unheard or undervalued.
If you notice someone frequently interrupting others, giving unrelated responses, or seeming distracted during conversations, they might be displaying self-centred behaviour.
4) They constantly seek validation
We all like a bit of recognition and praise now and then. It’s a basic human need to feel valued and appreciated. However, self-centred individuals often take this need to another level.
They have an insatiable desire for validation and affirmation from others. This could come in the form of constant boasting about their accomplishments or continuously seeking approval for their actions and decisions.
For example, they might repeatedly share stories that cast them in a positive light or always be the first to volunteer for tasks that bring visibility and praise.
This incessant need for validation points to an underlying insecurity and a reliance on external validation to boost their self-esteem.
If you observe someone who is always fishing for compliments or seems overly concerned with how others perceive them, they might be more self-centred than they realise.
5) They exhibit a strong sense of entitlement
A strong sense of entitlement is another typical characteristic of self-centred individuals. They believe that they are deserving of certain privileges and advantages, simply because of who they are or what they’ve achieved.
They might expect preferential treatment, demand attention, or believe that rules that apply to others shouldn’t necessarily apply to them. This sense of entitlement often leads them to disregard the rights and needs of others, as they prioritize their own above all else.
For instance, they might cut in line at a store, believing their time is more valuable than others waiting patiently. Or they might frequently interrupt in meetings, believing their ideas are more important.
This sense of entitlement isn’t always blatantly obvious. It often manifests in subtle ways but can still have a significant impact on how they interact with others.
6) They struggle with genuine relationships
Genuine relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and empathy – qualities that can be hard to come by in a self-centred individual.
People who are genuinely self-centred often struggle to maintain deep, meaningful relationships. They tend to see relationships in terms of what they can gain from them, rather than viewing them as a mutual exchange of love, respect, and support.
This can make it difficult for them to form authentic connections with others. Over time, people may start to feel used or unappreciated, causing relationships to falter.
Think about someone you know who constantly seems to be changing friends or who struggles with maintaining long-term relationships. It’s heartbreaking, but often this pattern is a sign of self-centred behaviour.
They might not realise it, but their inability to focus on others’ needs and feelings could be the very thing pushing people away.
7) They can be defensive
Self-centred individuals often have a hard time accepting criticism or feedback. Instead of taking it as an opportunity to learn and grow, they may see it as a direct attack on their persona.
I remember a time when I had to give feedback to a colleague about a project we were working on together. I tried to approach it with kindness and tact, but the moment I started pointing out areas that could be improved, they immediately became defensive.
They started justifying their actions and even turned the tables to point out my mistakes in the past. It was frustrating and difficult to communicate effectively when they were so focused on defending themselves rather than understanding the issue at hand.
This strong defensive reaction is a common trait among self-centred individuals. Instead of listening and understanding another perspective, they focus on protecting their self-image, which can hinder personal growth and create unnecessary conflict.
8) They can appear charming at first
Interestingly, self-centred individuals can often come across as quite charming and charismatic initially. They are usually confident, outgoing and know how to make a good first impression.
Because they’re so focused on themselves, they often master the art of presenting themselves in the best light possible. They can draw you in with their stories, their accomplishments and their seemingly larger-than-life persona.
However, as you get to know them better, you might start to notice that their charm often serves as a tool to keep the spotlight on them. Their charisma may begin to feel superficial, and you might realize that their interest in others often hinges on what they can gain from them.
9) They have a hard time apologizing
Apologizing requires a person to acknowledge their mistakes and show vulnerability, which can be challenging for self-centred individuals. They often have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong, as it could threaten their self-image.
Instead of apologizing, they might make excuses, blame others, or completely ignore the situation. This can lead to unresolved conflicts and damage relationships over time.
For instance, if they’re late for an appointment, instead of apologizing for the delay, they might blame traffic or an unexpected call for their tardiness.
If you notice someone consistently avoiding apologies or failing to take responsibility for their actions, it could be a clue that they are more self-centred than they realize.
10) They often lack self-awareness
Despite all these behaviours, perhaps the most important thing to understand about self-centred individuals is that they often lack self-awareness. They usually don’t realize how their actions and behaviours affect those around them.
They may not see themselves as self-centred, but rather perceive their actions as normal or even necessary for their success and happiness. They might not understand why their relationships are strained or why others react negatively to their behaviour.
This lack of self-awareness can make it difficult for them to recognize and modify their behaviour. But with patience, understanding, and open communication, it’s possible to help them see their actions from a different perspective.
