Being “chronically single” isn’t a disease, despite what it sounds like. It’s simply a term that describes those who find themselves consistently on their own, whether by choice or circumstance.
Now, as Tina Fey, the founder of Love Connection blog, I’ve spent a significant amount of my life studying relationships and human behavior. And I’ve noticed some interesting patterns among the “chronically single” folks.
In this piece, we’re going to explore 8 common behaviors displayed by people who are consistently riding solo. But remember, there’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, it can be quite liberating. However, if you’re curious to know more about these behaviors or you’re keen on changing your relationship status, read on!
1) Embracing solitude
A common thread I’ve noticed among the chronically single is their comfort with solitude.
Being on your own doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. In fact, many of the “chronically single” individuals I’ve encountered rather enjoy their alone time. They’ve found peace in their own company and have a knack for turning solitude into a self-enriching experience.
This isn’t to say they don’t value relationships or social interactions. Quite the contrary, they do enjoy spending time with others. However, they have no problem being alone and are not driven by a fear of loneliness.
Their comfort with solitude allows them the freedom to explore their interests without feeling tied down by others’ expectations or schedules. This self-sufficiency is often mistaken for isolation, but in reality, it’s a sign of inner strength and self-acceptance.
If you find yourself resonating with this trait, you might just be part of the “chronically single” club. And remember, that’s not a bad thing!
2) High standards
Another trait that’s common in the chronically single is their high standards, particularly when it comes to relationships.
Now, let me be clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards. As a relationship expert, I always advise my readers to know their worth and not settle for less.
The chronically single folks often have a clear understanding of what they want and need in a partner. They are not willing to compromise their standards just for the sake of being in a relationship. They would rather wait for the right person than rush into a relationship that doesn’t meet their expectations.
This reminds me of a quote by Maya Angelou that goes, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” This wisdom perfectly embodies why many chronically single individuals prefer to stay single rather than settling for less.
Having high standards doesn’t mean having unrealistic expectations. It’s about knowing your worth and understanding what you truly deserve in a relationship.
3) Independence
One of the key characteristics I’ve observed in chronically single individuals is their fierce independence.
They are self-reliant, take full responsibility for their lives, and don’t feel the need to rely on others for their happiness or fulfillment. This sense of independence often stems from a strong sense of self-worth and an understanding of their own needs and wants.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into the importance of developing this kind of independence in order to build healthier relationships.
The chronically single understand that being alone and being lonely are two different things. They relish their freedom, and they have a deep appreciation for their own company.
This is not to say they’re against relationships, but rather they value their independence and don’t see a relationship as a necessity for happiness. Rather than being a sign of isolation, this independence is a testament to their strength and self-reliance.
4) They’re social butterflies
Now, this might seem counterintuitive, but stick with me here.
Many chronically single individuals are actually quite sociable. They are often outgoing and have a large network of friends and acquaintances. They enjoy socializing, attending events, and generally being around people.
The catch? They don’t feel the need to be in a romantic relationship to enjoy these social interactions. Their social fulfillment comes from a variety of sources, not just a significant other.
You see, being single doesn’t equate to being antisocial or reclusive. Quite the opposite. Many chronically single people thrive in social situations and have a vibrant social life. They love meeting new people, making connections, and nurturing their friendships.
5) Comfortable with uncertainty
Living the single life means dealing with a certain level of uncertainty, especially when it comes to the future.
Chronically single individuals are not only okay with this uncertainty, but they often embrace it. They see it as an opportunity for growth, exploration, and new experiences.
This trait is particularly close to my heart. I remember a time in my life when I was single and uncertain about where my life was going. It was a period of self-discovery and personal growth that I cherish to this day.
These individuals see their single status not as a burden or a sign of failure, but as an opportunity to focus on personal development, pursue their passions, and build a life they love.
If you’re someone who thrives in uncertainty and sees it as a chance for growth rather than a source of stress, you might be chronically single. And let me remind you again – that’s not a bad thing!
6) Fear of vulnerability
Let’s get real here.
Being in a relationship requires a certain level of vulnerability. It involves opening up to another person, showing your true self, and risking potential heartbreak. These are things that many chronically single individuals find daunting.
It’s not that they’re incapable of love or emotional intimacy, but the fear of being vulnerable can often hold them back from pursuing a romantic relationship. They might avoid getting too close to someone, keep their emotions under wraps, or shy away from discussions about feelings.
This fear of vulnerability is something many of us can relate to, myself included. It’s scary to let someone in, to allow them to see our flaws and insecurities. But it’s also a crucial part of building a meaningful relationship.
If you recognize this fear in yourself, know that you’re not alone. Many chronically single individuals grapple with this fear. But remember, fear is just a feeling. It doesn’t define you or your ability to have a fulfilling relationship.
7) They prioritize personal growth
Chronically single individuals often place a high value on personal growth. They are constantly looking for ways to improve themselves, learn new things, and broaden their horizons.
I can personally relate to this. During my own periods of being single, I’ve used the time to focus on my own personal and professional growth. It’s a wonderful opportunity to become the best version of yourself.
They see their single status as an opportunity to focus on their personal development without the distractions that can come with a relationship. This could involve pursuing a new hobby, traveling, furthering their education, or working on their physical health.
This reminds me of a quote by the great philosopher Socrates who once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Chronically single individuals truly embody this wisdom as they continuously strive for self-improvement and personal fulfillment.
8) They’ve experienced heartbreak
Let’s dive deep for this one.
Most chronically single individuals have experienced heartbreak in the past. This can leave scars that make them wary of opening up to someone new.
Heartbreak is a part of life, and it’s something that shapes us and our approach towards relationships. It’s not uncommon for someone who has been deeply hurt to take a step back from dating, sometimes indefinitely.
I’ve been there too. I’ve felt the sting of heartbreak, the kind that makes you question if you ever want to take the risk of loving again. It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
However, heartbreak doesn’t mean the end of love. It might take time to heal, but it’s important to remember that not everyone will cause the same pain. Being single gives you the time and space to heal properly and regain your strength.
If you’ve experienced heartbreak and it’s made you more cautious about jumping into a new relationship, then you might be chronically single. And let’s get one thing straight – it’s completely okay!
Final Thoughts
Being chronically single isn’t a condition that needs to be cured. It’s a lifestyle choice that many people make for various reasons, all valid and respectable.
Whether you’re comfortable in your solitude, prioritizing personal growth, or dealing with the fear of vulnerability, remember that it’s okay to be single. It’s your life, and you get to decide what works best for you.
If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these behaviors, then perhaps you are chronically single. It’s not a negative label, but rather a testament to your strength, independence, and self-awareness.
For those who wish to delve deeper into the art of relationship-building and overcoming codependency, I highly recommend my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Remember, being single is not synonymous with being lonely. It can be an empowering and fulfilling journey of self-discovery and personal growth. So here’s to all the chronically single folks out there – keep doing you!
