In life, maturity isn’t always about age. It’s about how we respond to different situations, manage our emotions, and interact with others.
However, some men, bless their hearts, haven’t quite made it past the playground in certain aspects of their lives. As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this in more men than I can count.
Recognizing the signs of this can be a little tricky though, especially when they’re not even aware of them themselves. With this in mind, today we’ll dive into seven common behaviors often displayed by men who haven’t genuinely grown up yet.
Trust me, once you know what to look for, it’s as clear as day.
1) They avoid responsibility
Maturity demands a level of personal accountability, and that’s often where some men fall short. They tread lightly around the edges of commitment and responsibility, usually without even realizing it.
Do you know someone who blames others when things go wrong? Or perhaps they shy away from taking on tasks that require a bit more effort or commitment?
These are classic signs of a man who hasn’t genuinely grown up yet.
As put by the folks at Healthline, “Instead of being thoughtful and admitting when they’ve messed up, they’ll place the blame on other people or circumstances beyond their control.”
This avoidance can creep into all aspects of life, from work to personal relationships. Instead of facing the music, they’d rather pass the buck and let someone else deal with the consequences.
2) They’re overly competitive
Competition can be healthy. It can drive us to improve, to strive for our best.
But, and it’s a big but, there’s a line where healthy competition tips over into something more harmful. When the need to win becomes an obsession, it’s no longer about self-improvement. It becomes about proving superiority, about beating everyone else at all costs.
This might show up in everything from board games to business decisions. Instead of collaborating or trying to find the best solution for everyone involved, they’re primarily interested in coming out on top.
3) They are impulsive
Does the man you have in mind make decisions on a whim, often without considering the consequences? Does he struggle to delay gratification or act out in ways that seem unpredictable?
If so, you’re likely witnessing a key sign of emotional immaturity.
It’s well acknowledged by experts that impulsive behavior like this is a hallmark of someone lacking emotional maturity. As the folks at WebMD explain, “Emotionally immature adults haven’t learned to curb their impulses. They act in unpredictable or antisocial ways.”
This impulsivity can show up in various aspects of life—spending money recklessly, making rash decisions in relationships, or acting out in frustration during disagreements. Instead of pausing to think things through, they let their immediate emotions dictate their actions, often leading to regret or unnecessary conflict.
True maturity involves self-control and the ability to consider the long-term impact of decisions.
4) They’re codependent
Now, here’s an interesting one.
These men almost always exhibit signs of codependency. This is a complex emotional and behavioral condition that affects a person’s ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships.
It usually looks like intense attachment, where they rely heavily on others (particularly their partners) for validation and emotional support. They might struggle to make decisions independently or feel anxious when they’re alone.
This reliance on others to fill emotional needs can be exhausting for everyone involved. It’s a sign of emotional immaturity and a lack of self-reliance.
This is a topic I delve into in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Here, I explore how recognizing and breaking free from these patterns can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
But for now, just know that the first step to overcoming codependency is recognizing it. Only then can the journey toward true growth and maturity begin.
5) They’re resistant to change
Change is inevitable, but not everyone embraces it.
For these men, any deviation from the norm can cause disproportionate stress or discomfort. Rather than seeing change as an opportunity for growth, they see it as a threat to their established order.
This resistance can manifest in various ways—from sticking to the same old habits despite negative consequences, to rejecting new ideas without giving them fair consideration.
6) They struggle with empathy
These men also often find it difficult to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, to truly understand their perspective. This lack of empathy can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and hurt feelings.
I’ve seen this play out in various scenarios—be it in the office or at home. It’s not that they’re uncaring or heartless. Often, they just haven’t developed the emotional maturity to fully comprehend how their actions impact others.
The good news is, empathy can be learned and nurtured. It starts with self-awareness, listening, and truly seeking to understand those around us.
7) They shy away from emotional vulnerability
I know—vulnerability can be scary. We all sometimes feel the need to guard our emotions, fearing rejection, judgment, or appearing weak.
However, always shying away from emotional vulnerability, even in the company of loved ones, is a hallmark of someone who hasn’t emotionally matured yet.
Mature individuals understand that vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. As renowned author and researcher Brené Brown beautifully puts it, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”
These men often struggle to open up, share their feelings, or engage in deep, meaningful connections. Instead, they might deflect with humor, avoid difficult conversations, or suppress their emotions altogether.
While this might seem like self-protection, it actually creates distance and prevents genuine intimacy.
The bottom line
While these behaviors may seem harmless and are often unintentional, they can hold men back from building deeper connections, achieving personal goals, and living more fulfilling lives.
The good news?
Maturity isn’t about perfection—it’s about self-awareness and the willingness to improve. By addressing these behaviors, men can break free from emotional stagnation and step into their full potential, both in their relationships and within themselves.
Growth is always possible, and it’s never too late to start.
