We all want to be respected, don’t we?
Whether it’s in our personal relationships, at work, or even in casual social settings, respect is something we crave—but don’t always receive.
A lot of this comes down to how we present ourselves and the habits we’ve unknowingly picked up along the way. Some of your habits might be sabotaging your ability to command the respect you deserve.
If you’re ready to level up and be seen the way you truly want to be, it’s time to ditch these seven self-sabotaging behaviors.
Let’s dive in.
1. People-pleasing
Do you find yourself saying “yes” to everyone’s requests? Maybe you volunteer to take on extra projects at work or agree to events you don’t actually want to attend?
Well, here’s the thing: when you constantly bend to everyone’s demands, you send the message that your time and boundaries aren’t important. People might see you as helpful, but they may also take you for granted. Over time, this gnaws at your self-worth.
The solution? Set boundaries and stick to ‘em.
Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and self-worth, puts it perfectly: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
When you start valuing your own needs and saying “no” when necessary, people will begin to respect your time, energy, and limits. It’s not about being selfish—it’s about showing yourself the same respect you want from others.
2. Negative self-talk
This is a big one.
If your inner voice is constantly criticizing you—telling you that you’re not good enough, smart enough, or likable enough—people around you will pick up on your self-doubt. Whether it’s slumping your shoulders or nervously laughing off a compliment, these subtle cues let others know you don’t see yourself as worthy.
I can’t emphasize this enough: the way you talk about yourself becomes your own reality. Think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you walk into a meeting thinking, “I’m probably going to mess this up,” your body language and tone might reflect that belief.
Elevate your self-talk and watch how quickly your sense of self—and others’ sense of you—shifts.
3. Over-apologizing
Have you ever found yourself saying “sorry” multiple times a day for things that aren’t even your fault?
I used to fall into the trap of apologizing for everything. For instance, if someone bumped into me on the street, I would say “sorry” reflexively.
Only later did I realize how it diminished my sense of self. The folks at George Fortune Counselling stand behind this, noting that chronic apologizing “can erode your self-confidence over time and make you feel like you’re always at fault, even in situations where you’re not responsible.”
A simple fix is to replace those “sorry” statements with phrases of gratitude or clarity. For instance, instead of “Sorry for being late,” try “Thank you for waiting for me.” It’s a small shift that can make a big difference.
4. Gossiping about others
Gossip might feel like a bonding experience with co-workers or friends. And it can be tempting—especially if you have juicy details!
But here’s the downside: people who see you gossiping about someone else might assume you’ll do the same to them.
I had a client who realized she was losing friends because she was known as the “office secret-spiller.” Once she uncovered this, she decided to become the person who steered conversations to more constructive topics. Interestingly, the shift didn’t make her boring or less connected—it made her trustworthy. The takeaway?
People respect those who can handle information discreetly.
Does it mean you should never share your frustrations? Of course not. But there’s a big difference between having a supportive conversation about an issue and indulging in rumor-spreading.
Opt for open, direct communication rather than hushed, behind-the-back chatter. That’s how you earn respect from others and, equally important, from yourself.
5. Minimizing your achievements
Have you ever said something like, “Oh, it was no big deal” when someone compliments your work? Or have you downplayed completing a challenging project or made light of a big promotion?
At first glance, it might seem humble, but consistent self-minimizing can lead people to underestimate you.
I remember once giving a talk at a local conference. Afterward, several attendees told me they found it inspiring. My immediate response was, “Oh, it was nothing” Instead of basking in the achievement, I brushed it off.
Later, one of my mentors pulled me aside and said, “Take the compliment! You earned it.” That one piece of feedback helped me realize I was shortchanging my own effort—and in doing so, I wasn’t fully valuing my accomplishments.
Confidence is not arrogance. Embracing your wins teaches others to celebrate you too. And in turn, that fosters more respect—because when people see you valuing your hard work, they’re more likely to do the same.
6. Seeking constant validation
It’s natural to want reassurance from time to time, but if you’re always looking to others for approval—whether it’s through social media likes, constant compliments, or needing someone to confirm every decision you make—you might be undermining your own authority.
Of course, seeking advice isn’t a bad thing. But there’s a difference between gathering input and needing external validation for every choice.
Trust yourself. When you show confidence in your decisions, others will too.
7. Avoiding difficult conversations
Last but not least, nobody likes conflict, but dodging tough conversations can seriously undermine the respect you get from others.
If you avoid addressing issues—whether it’s telling a friend they crossed a boundary, confronting a co-worker about their behavior, or asking for a raise—you send the message that you’re willing to let things slide, even at your own expense.
Here’s the truth: people respect those who can communicate directly and assertively. That doesn’t mean being aggressive or confrontational—it means being clear, honest, and firm when necessary.
If a conversation feels uncomfortable, that’s usually a sign it needs to happen. Respect starts with standing up for yourself, even when it’s tough.
Final thoughts
At least one of these self-sabotaging habits rings a bell, right?
Well, if not, good for you!
If so, however, the good news is that none of these patterns are permanent. With practice and self-awareness, you can unlearn them.
Give yourself grace as you work on these areas. Personal growth is a journey, not a quick fix.
And if you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or a trusted friend who can provide guidance and support.
