You’ve probably noticed certain people becoming more magnetic with age and wondered, How do they do it?
They walk into a room and effortlessly command attention—not because they’re loud or flashy, but because they’ve cultivated a presence that draws others in.
As a relationship counselor, I’ve worked with many people who long for this kind of quiet admiration. They tell me, “If only I were his age”, “If only I had her genetics” or “If only I made more money.”
But here’s the truth: it’s rarely about age, looks, or status. More often, it comes down to subtle social habits—things people do without even realizing—that push others away instead of drawing them in.
If you want to be more admired as you age, it might be time to say goodbye to these seven self-sabotaging social habits.
1. People-pleasing
It can feel good to say “yes” all the time—at first. You get the instant satisfaction of being helpful and agreeable.
However, when you constantly bend to everyone’s requests, you’re basically telling yourself (and others) that your own time and needs come second. In the long run, that undermines your self-respect.
As Brené Brown famously said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” It’s a quote I’ve carried with me for years because it’s a critical reminder: you don’t have to please everyone to be worthy.
Learning to say “no” when necessary helps others see that your time and well-being matter. And guess what? That’s exactly the kind of behavior that fosters true admiration.
2. Negative self-talk
This is a big one.
We teach others how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. I’ll repeat that; We teach others how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves.
If your inner voice is a relentless critic—telling you you’re not interesting enough, smart enough, or confident enough—those doubts seep into your demeanor. It shows up in your slumped posture, your hesitant tone, or the way you brush off compliments.
Once you notice that negative reel playing in your head, you can start challenging it. Instead of “I’m not good enough,” try reframing to “I’m a work in progress, and I’m allowed to learn.”
Trust me, positive self-talk isn’t just a fluffy idea—it’s a real step toward self-empowerment.
3. Gossiping about others
I touched on this in one of my earlier posts (you might have read my piece on habits that destroy your credibility), but it’s worth repeating because gossip is a huge trust-killer.
It might feel like harmless bonding in the moment, but the person you’re talking to often ends up thinking, “If they say this about them, what do they say about me?” Engaging in gossip shows you as someone who trades in secrets—hardly the foundation for deep respect.
Research seems to back this up too, with the “Gossiper” coming as the second most annoying type of colleague in a survey by Money Penny.
If you need to vent or talk through an issue, focus on problem-solving or go to a trusted friend who can offer guidance, not idle chatter. Taking the high road in these moments is a powerful way to earn admiration as you age.
4. Over-apologizing
Ever find yourself apologizing to the person who bumped into you? Or saying “sorry” for asking a simple question? I’ve had clients who apologized so often that they weren’t even aware of it anymore—it had become a reflex.
So what’s the issue here?
Well, over-apologizing sends the message that you’re unsure of your place in the world. It inadvertently lowers your self-worth and suggests you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t even your fault.
A small tweak? Replace “I’m sorry” with “thank you” in everyday conversations. For instance, instead of “Sorry for taking your time,” try “Thanks for taking a moment to chat with me.” It’s a small shift, but it changes the energy of the interaction and shows that you respect both yourself and the other person.
5. Minimizing your achievements
I used to do this all the time. Someone would compliment my work, and I’d say, “Oh, it was nothing.”
But here’s the thing: it’s not “nothing.” Your efforts matter, and so do your results. When you constantly downplay your accomplishments, you teach people to see you—and your work—as less than it really is.
If someone praises you, accept it graciously. A simple “Thank you, I appreciate that” goes a long way. When you celebrate your wins, big or small, you’re letting people know you recognize your own value—and that makes you more admirable in their eyes.
6. Seeking constant validation
We’re social creatures, so wanting some recognition is natural.
However, if you’re addicted to likes on social media or always fishing for compliments, you’re essentially handing your sense of self-worth over to others. That leaves you on shaky ground because your confidence can crumble the moment those external affirmations stop rolling in.
Self-validation is about trusting your intuition and judgments, even when no one else is clapping. The more you can stand firm in your decisions without needing a round of applause, the more you’ll earn the genuine respect of those around you.
7. Avoiding difficult conversations
Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list.
Anyway, dodging tough talks is a recipe for misunderstandings and resentment. Whether it’s confronting a friend who continually crosses your boundaries or talking to a partner about unresolved issues, avoiding the situation can make it fester.
As the folks at Harvard Business Review highlight, constructive conflict (when handled properly) can actually strengthen relationships—both professionally and personally.
The key is approaching it calmly, stating the facts, and genuinely listening to the other side. When you face challenges head-on, you show courage and honesty—two traits people can’t help but admire.
Final thoughts
None of these habits define you forever. With self-awareness and consistent effort, you can replace them with healthier ones.
And once you do, you’ll notice a shift in how people respond to you.
Try tackling them one at a time. Celebrate your progress, seek support when needed, and remember that personal growth is a journey—one that unfolds beautifully when you commit to it.
Here’s to all of us becoming more admired, confident, and authentic with each passing year. We owe ourselves that much.
