We all know at least one person who exudes effortless grace. They walk into a room, and everyone notices—not because they’re loud or flashy, but because there’s just something about them that screams confidence and class.
You might wonder: How can I embody that same sense of elegance?
Well, in my work as a relationship expert (and from my own life experience), I’ve noticed that it’s a lot about eliminating certain behaviors that lower our aura of refinement. After all, the way you present yourself—physically, emotionally, and socially—plays a huge role in how others perceive your presence.
If you want people to look at you and think, Wow, he’s/she’s got it all together, consider saying goodbye to these common habits.
1. Constant complaining or negativity
Have you ever been stuck in traffic and suddenly found yourself ranting about every little inconvenience? Trust me, I get it—life can be frustrating.
But if everything that comes out of your mouth is some version of this is terrible, people start to perceive you as negative energy in the room. That’s the opposite of classy.
One of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou is: “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” It’s a stark reminder that complaining rarely solves the actual problem. Instead, it drains your energy (and everyone else’s) without moving you forward.
A classy presence exudes calm and positivity.
I’m not saying you should sweep real issues under the rug—far from it. But instead of getting stuck on what’s wrong, shift your focus toward solutions. Not only will you save yourself from unnecessary stress, you’ll also help those around you feel more at ease in your presence.
2. Being chronically late
I used to believe that being five or ten minutes late was no big deal, but the older I get, the more I realize how disrespectful it can be—both to yourself and to others.
When you’re perpetually late, you send the message that your time is more valuable than someone else’s, or that you lack the discipline to plan accordingly.
I remember showing up late to a friend’s wedding rehearsal dinner once, thinking I’d easily blend into the crowd. Instead, I ended up drawing awkward stares and had to squeeze past everyone to get to my seat.
I could feel the tension in the room. Not my finest moment.
Since then, I’ve made it a point to be on time, if not a bit early, to events that matter. (Spoiler alert: most events do matter.)
If tardiness is a habit for you, try something simple like setting alarms or reminders. Being punctual not only makes you appear more elegant, but it also establishes a sense of trust.
3. Speaking (or posting) without thinking
Have you noticed how quickly words can slip out in the heat of the moment—and how difficult it is to take them back?
The same goes for social media posts or comments. A single impulsive message can tarnish your reputation faster than you can say, “I’m sorry.”
I once had a friend who nearly lost a job offer due to a rant she posted online about her former employer. She thought she was venting in a private space—but the internet is rarely private, and her potential new boss stumbled upon it. Yikes!
Want to exude class? Slow down. Choose your words carefully, especially when you’re frustrated.
Let yourself process how you feel, then decide if it’s worth sharing—and how. A thoughtful pause can save you from regret and maintain that aura of sophistication you’re aiming for.
4. Bragging or constantly seeking attention
You might have read my post on self-sabotaging habits, where I mentioned how minimizing your achievements can sometimes undervalue your efforts. However, swinging to the opposite extreme—over-emphasizing them—is equally problematic.
In my practice, I’ve seen this manifest in subtle ways: the colleague who won’t stop reminding everyone about their award, or the friend who keeps referencing how much money they make.
Let’s be honest, nobody likes a show-off. True elegance is about understated confidence.
It’s absolutely fine to celebrate your wins—just remember there’s a line between celebration and self-obsession. If you’re truly impressive, people will take notice without you having to wave a neon sign.
5. Failing to listen actively
Bestselling author Stephen Covey once wrote, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” And wow, isn’t that the truth?
Think about it—how many times have you caught yourself mentally preparing your response while someone else is still talking? We’ve all done it.
Truly classy individuals don’t just wait for their turn to speak; they engage. They make eye contact, nod in understanding, and ask thoughtful follow-up questions. When you listen this way, people feel seen, heard, and valued—and that’s an incredibly rare (and attractive) quality.
On the flip side, failing to listen actively can make you seem dismissive, self-absorbed, or uninterested. Imagine pouring your heart out to someone, only for them to respond with something completely unrelated—pretty frustrating, right?
If you really want to elevate your presence, start by improving your listening skills. Put away distractions, resist the urge to interrupt, and genuinely absorb what the other person is saying.
Trust me, the most elegant people aren’t the ones who talk the most—they’re the ones who make others feel important.
6. Ignoring personal presentation and basic etiquette
So here’s one you probably had in mind.
However, don’t get me wrong. You don’t need designer clothes or perfect makeup.
Elegance isn’t about wearing the most expensive outfit in the room. But taking time to ensure your attire is neat, your posture is upright, and your manners are intact shows you take pride in who you are.
Think of it as a form of respect—both for yourself and for those you’re interacting with.
7. Letting emotions take over public interactions
Let’s finish with a big one!
There will always be moments that push our buttons. Maybe you receive harsh criticism at work, or someone cuts you off in traffic. The real test of class is how you handle those emotionally charged situations.
Have I lost my temper in public? Absolutely. I’m human.
But as I’ve grown, I’ve realized it’s far more effective—and respectful—to pause, breathe, and address the issue calmly. Even if you’re in the right, losing your cool can overshadow the valid points you were trying to make.
Final thoughts
Classiness isn’t reserved for royalty or red-carpet celebrities. It’s something we can all cultivate by being mindful of our words, our actions, and our intentions.
If one or more of these habits rang a bell, don’t be too hard on yourself—awareness is the first step toward positive change.
My advice? Start with the one behavior that feels simplest to shift, and go from there. Maybe that means ditching the gossip, or practicing active listening at your next dinner party.
I think you’ll notice a shift not just in how people treat you, but in how you feel about yourself.
