Emotional awareness shapes how we connect with others, handle challenges, and present ourselves to the world. But not everyone has a strong grasp of their own emotions—or those of the people around them.
One way to spot this struggle? Pay attention to the words they use. The way someone speaks can reveal a lot about their self-awareness, especially when certain phrases keep showing up in conversation.
If someone regularly uses these seven phrases, it’s a sign they might have trouble understanding their own emotions—or considering how their words affect others.
1) “I’m sorry you feel that way”
At first glance, this might sound like an apology—but it’s not. Instead of taking responsibility, this phrase shifts the focus onto the other person’s emotions, as if their feelings are the problem.
People who struggle with emotional awareness often use language that distances themselves from accountability.
Rather than acknowledging how their actions might have contributed to the situation, they make it seem like the other person’s reaction is the real issue.
A more emotionally aware response would be something like, “I see that what I said upset you—that wasn’t my intention.” This small change shows an understanding of emotions rather than brushing them aside.
2) “I didn’t mean it like that”
I used to say this all the time.
Any time someone told me I had hurt their feelings, my first instinct was to defend myself. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I’d say, thinking that if my intentions were good, their feelings shouldn’t be hurt in the first place.
But that’s not how emotions work. Just because I didn’t mean to upset someone doesn’t mean their feelings weren’t valid. By focusing on my intent instead of their experience, I was shutting down the conversation instead of actually listening.
Once I realized this, I started changing my approach. Now, instead of getting defensive, I try to say, “I’m sorry—can you help me understand what upset you?” It makes a huge difference in how people feel heard and respected.
3) “You’re overreacting”
Telling someone they’re overreacting doesn’t make them calm down—it usually does the opposite. That’s because this phrase invalidates their emotions, making them feel like they’re wrong for having a reaction in the first place.
Research has shown that emotions serve an important purpose—they help us process experiences and make decisions.
When someone dismisses another person’s feelings as an “overreaction,” they’re ignoring the fact that emotions are a natural and necessary part of how we navigate the world.
A more emotionally aware response would be, “I can see this is really upsetting for you—let’s talk about it.” This approach acknowledges the other person’s feelings rather than shutting them down.
4) “I’m just being honest”
Honesty is important, but there’s a difference between being truthful and using “honesty” as an excuse to be blunt or hurtful.
People who struggle with emotional awareness often say this phrase after making a harsh comment, as if telling the truth gives them a free pass to ignore how their words affect others.
The reality is, honesty without empathy can come across as rude or dismissive. Being emotionally aware means understanding that how you say something matters just as much as what you say.
A better approach? Instead of using honesty as a shield, try saying, “I want to be honest with you, but I also want to be kind about it.” This small shift shows that you value both truth and the other person’s feelings.
5) “That’s just how I am”
For a long time, I believed that if someone didn’t like the way I handled things, that was their problem. “That’s just how I am,” I’d say, as if my personality was set in stone and couldn’t be adjusted.
But the truth is, this phrase isn’t about self-acceptance—it’s about avoiding growth. It’s a way to dismiss feedback instead of reflecting on how our actions impact others. No one is perfect, and we all have habits or behaviors that could use some work.
Emotional awareness means recognizing that personal growth isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about being open to learning, improving, and becoming a better version of yourself.
Instead of shutting down the conversation, try saying, “I didn’t realize I was doing that—I’ll try to be more mindful of it.”
6) “I don’t want to talk about this”
There are times when stepping away from a conversation is necessary, especially in heated moments. But if someone constantly shuts down discussions about feelings, it’s often a sign that they struggle with emotional awareness.
Avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t make emotions disappear—it just pushes them aside temporarily. Over time, unspoken frustrations build up, leading to resentment and misunderstandings.
Emotionally aware people recognize that uncomfortable conversations are sometimes necessary for healthy relationships.
Instead of refusing to talk, a better approach would be, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now—can we revisit this later?” This keeps the door open for communication while also setting a boundary.
7) “I can’t help it”
Saying “I can’t help it” removes all responsibility for our actions, as if emotions and reactions are completely out of our control.
But emotional awareness is about recognizing that while we can’t always control how we feel in the moment, we can control how we respond.
Blaming emotions for our behavior keeps us stuck in the same patterns. Growth happens when we take ownership of our words and actions, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Emotionally aware people don’t just accept their reactions—they reflect on them, learn from them, and make the effort to respond in ways that align with who they want to be.
Bottom line: words reveal awareness
The way we speak isn’t just a reflection of our thoughts—it’s a window into our emotional awareness.
Psychologists have long studied the connection between language and self-perception.
Research suggests that the words we use can reinforce patterns of thinking, shaping how we process emotions and interact with others. Over time, repeating certain phrases can either strengthen emotional intelligence or hold it back.
Recognizing these patterns in ourselves and others isn’t about judgment—it’s about awareness.
The more we pay attention to the way we communicate, the more opportunities we have to grow, improve relationships, and better understand both ourselves and those around us.
