Crafty manipulators have a knack for using subtle tactics that can easily slip under your radar. They make you second-guess yourself, and before you know it, you’re dancing to their tune.
In this article, we’re going to lift the lid on these deceptive strategies. We’ll reveal seven sneaky tactics manipulative individuals use to exploit your trust.
Ready for a reality check?
Let’s dive right in.
1) Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common weapon in the manipulator’s arsenal. It’s a term derived from a 1944 movie, Gaslight, where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her mind.
In reality, gaslighting is about making you question your own judgment and reality.
Ever noticed someone repeatedly denying their actions, even when you have clear evidence? Or perhaps they constantly trivialize your feelings, making you feel over-sensitive or irrational?
That’s gaslighting.
The aim is to make you doubt yourself so much that you become dependent on them for your version of reality. And once that happens, they’ve got you right where they want you.
It’s a sinister tactic that can be hard to spot, but once you know what to look for, it becomes easier to guard against. Be aware of it and trust your instincts – they’re usually right.
2) Playing the victim
Here’s a tactic I’ve encountered myself.
A few years back, I had a colleague who was an expert at this. Every time we had a disagreement or she was called out for a mistake, she would instantly shift into victim mode.
She’d spin a story about how she was always the one being blamed, how she felt “attacked” or “unfairly targeted”. It was never about what she did wrong, always about how she was being mistreated.
Initially, I felt bad and would often back down, even apologizing for making her feel that way. But over time, I started to see the pattern. It was a tactic to deflect responsibility and manipulate those around her into feeling guilty.
This is a classic manipulation technique. If you notice someone constantly playing the victim and shifting blame onto others, be wary. It may be a tactic to exploit your empathy and deflect accountability.
3) Emotional blackmail
Emotional blackmail is another subtle tactic used by manipulators. It’s a type of psychological manipulation where someone uses your feelings of guilt, fear, or obligation to get what they want.
Here’s an interesting (or scary) thing about emotional blackmail – it’s most often used by those closest to us. Family members, close friends or partners can use our emotional ties against us to manipulate our actions.
For instance, a partner might say, “If you really loved me, you would do this for me.” Or a parent might imply that you’re a bad child if you don’t comply with their wishes.
This tactic tugs at your heartstrings, making it hard to say no. But remember, it’s okay to set boundaries. You are not obligated to fulfill unreasonable demands, even from those closest to you.
4) Constant criticism
This one’s a bit tricky to navigate. After all, constructive criticism is a part of life and it helps us grow.
However, manipulative people often use criticism as a tool for control when we trust what they say.
They nitpick, find fault in everything you do, and make you feel like you’re never good enough. Over time, this constant barrage of criticism can erode your self-confidence and make you more susceptible to their influence.
The goal here isn’t to help you improve; it’s to make you feel small, insecure, and dependent on them for validation.
So, the next time someone critiques you incessantly, pause and consider their intentions. Are they trying to help you improve or are they just trying to bring you down?
5) The silent treatment
This is another tactic I’ve experienced firsthand. The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation that involves ignoring or refusing to engage with the other person as a form of punishment.
I once had a friend who would resort to this whenever we had a disagreement. Instead of talking things out, she’d go quiet, ignoring my texts or calls for days on end. It was like I didn’t exist until she decided to “forgive” me.
It was incredibly confusing and hurtful. But over time, I realized this was her way of gaining control and making me feel guilty for having a different opinion.
The silent treatment is manipulative and damaging. Good communication is key in any relationship and disagreements should be resolved through open and respectful conversation, not silence.
6) Keeping score
This is a big one that happens when someone constantly reminds you of their good deeds or past sacrifices to make you feel indebted to them.
For instance, they might say, “I helped you when you were in trouble, so now you owe me.” They hold these past actions over your head to guilt you into doing what they want.
This kind of one-sided reciprocity is unhealthy and manipulative. Relationships should be based on mutual respect and understanding, not a tally of who owes who.
7) Feigning innocence
The most subtle, yet often the most effective tactic manipulators use is feigning innocence. They’ll twist the narrative, play dumb, or act as if they had the best intentions, even when they’ve clearly done something wrong.
This tactic is particularly insidious because it makes you question the validity of your feelings or observations. You start to wonder if you’re being too harsh or misinterpreting their actions.
But here’s the thing. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your instincts, they’re often your best defense against manipulation.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness
Navigating the social world can be a challenge. We’re constantly meeting new people, building relationships and trust. But as we’ve seen, trust can be exploited.
Recognizing these seven subtle tactics of manipulation is the first step towards safeguarding your mental and emotional well-being.
It’s not about being suspicious of everyone around you. It’s about understanding that some people may use these tactics deliberately or subconsciously to gain control or avoid responsibility.
If you’ve identified any of these signs in your relationships, it’s important to address it. Open communication, setting clear boundaries, and standing up for yourself are crucial steps in combating manipulation.
Above all, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your emotional health matters – never let anyone manipulate you into believing otherwise.
