We’ve all been there—wanting to express a different opinion but dreading the possibility of coming off as rude, dismissive, or confrontational.
Socially intelligent people, however, have a way of handling disagreements with grace. They know how to challenge ideas without making the other person feel attacked.
How do they do it? It all comes down to how they phrase their thoughts.
Here are six go-to phrases that socially savvy people use to disagree—without causing offense.
1) “I see where you’re coming from. May I share another angle?”
There’s nothing more disarming than first acknowledging the other person’s perspective. When you say, “I see where you’re coming from,” you’re validating their viewpoint. It’s a soft opener that reassures them you’re not on the attack.
I’ve often seen this technique used in group therapy sessions and people immediately let their guard down when they feel heard.
As Daniel Goleman, the father of emotional intelligence, famously noted: “When we focus on others, our world expands.” By showing understanding, you open the door for respectful dialogue.
2) “I respect your point of view—here’s how I see it…”
When you start with “I respect your point of view,” you’re signaling that you’re not here to tear down their opinion—you’re just offering another perspective.
This phrase helps keep the conversation open rather than turning it into a battle of who’s right and who’s wrong. It reassures the other person that you’re listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk.
By following up with “here’s how I see it…” you’re inviting a constructive discussion rather than forcing your stance onto them. It’s a subtle shift, but it makes all the difference in keeping things civil and productive.
3) “I feel…”
Here’s one I often encourage my clients to use because it shifts the conversation from accusation to personal perspective.
Instead of saying, “That’s wrong,” or “You don’t get it,” which can put the other person on the defensive, starting with “I feel…” keeps the focus on your own thoughts and emotions.
For example, “I feel like there might be another way to look at this,” or “I feel that this approach could have some challenges.” This phrasing makes it clear that you’re not dismissing their opinion—you’re simply expressing your own experience or perspective.
It’s a subtle but powerful way to disagree while keeping the conversation open and respectful.
4) “I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
This is a gem of a phrase because it instantly lowers defenses and shows that you’re open to different perspectives—even if you still disagree.
By saying, “I hadn’t thought about it that way,” you’re acknowledging that the other person’s point has merit, which makes them more likely to listen to what you have to say in return.
You can follow up with something like, “That’s an interesting perspective. Here’s how I’ve been thinking about it…” This keeps the conversation collaborative rather than adversarial, making it easier to express a differing opinion without tension.
5) “That’s interesting—my experience has been a little different.”
I remember a time when a close friend and I were debating the best way to handle workplace conflicts. She was all about addressing issues head-on, while I believed in taking a step back to assess before responding. We were clearly coming from different perspectives, but instead of shutting each other down, we kept the conversation open.
I said, “That’s interesting—my experience has been a little different.” It immediately softened the disagreement. Instead of making it a battle of who’s right, it turned into a genuine exchange of experiences.
This phrase works because it acknowledges their viewpoint while creating space for your own. It subtly reminds the other person that different perspectives can exist without invalidating each other. From there, the conversation can stay constructive rather than combative.
6) “Just to make sure I understand you correctly…”
Bestselling author Stephen Covey once wrote, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
And he’s right—but what does this have to do with disagreements? Well, in my experience many disagreements escalate simply because people feel unheard.
That’s why this phrase is so powerful. When you say, “Just to make sure I understand you correctly…” before responding, you’re signaling that you’re making a genuine effort to listen rather than just waiting for your turn to talk.
For example, “Just to make sure I understand you correctly, you’re saying that [repeat their point]. Is that right?” This gives them a chance to clarify and ensures you’re responding to what they actually mean—not what you think they mean.
Once they confirm, you can follow up with your perspective in a way that feels like a true conversation rather than a debate.
Final thoughts
At the end of the day, disagreeing doesn’t have to mean arguing. The way we phrase our words can make all the difference between a tense confrontation and a productive conversation.
Socially intelligent people understand that it’s not about proving someone wrong—it’s about fostering mutual understanding and respect. By using these phrases, you can express your perspective without shutting the other person down, keeping the dialogue open and constructive.
So the next time you find yourself in a disagreement, try incorporating one of these approaches. You might be surprised at how much smoother (and more meaningful) your conversations become.
