Before we got married, my husband and I couldn’t get enough of each other. We’d stay up talking for hours, plan spontaneous weekend getaways, and find any excuse to be close.
Over time, though, the excitement faded. Life settled into a routine—work, errands, responsibilities—and while we still loved each other deeply, something was missing. The little sparks that once made our relationship feel electric had dulled into familiarity.
At first, I brushed it off as normal. After all, isn’t this just what happens in long-term relationships? But as we grew more like best friends than romantic partners, I started to wonder if we were slowly losing something essential.
That’s when we decided to seek advice from a therapist. What they shared with us completely reshaped how we approached our relationship—and ultimately brought back the excitement we thought was gone for good.
How a few small changes reignited our spark
At first, I assumed bringing back the romance would require grand gestures—lavish dates, surprise trips, or dramatic declarations of love. But our therapist suggested something much simpler: small, intentional shifts in how we connected every day.
One of the first things we did was reintroduce physical touch in casual moments. A light touch on the arm while passing in the kitchen, holding hands while watching TV—these tiny actions made us feel closer without needing a big occasion.
We also started prioritizing uninterrupted time together. Phones away, no distractions, just us. Even 15 minutes of focused conversation each evening made a difference.
Instead of just talking about logistics—who’s picking up groceries or handling bills—we started sharing our thoughts, dreams, and even silly stories like we used to.
Another tip? Doing new things together. Our therapist explained that novelty can trigger the same excitement we felt in the early days. So we made an effort to try new restaurants, take spontaneous drives, and even switch up date nights with activities we’d never done before.
These small shifts didn’t feel like work; they felt natural. And over time, they brought back the kind of connection that had slowly faded without us realizing it.
But what surprised me most was how wrong I had been about what relationships are “supposed” to look like after years together.
Why “romance naturally fades” isn’t the whole story
For the longest time, I believed that losing the spark was just an inevitable part of being in a long-term relationship. You start strong, full of passion and excitement, but eventually, things settle into routine. That’s just how it goes—right?
Our therapist challenged that idea. They explained that while relationships do evolve, romance doesn’t have to disappear. It fades when we stop nurturing it, not because time makes it impossible to get back.
Looking back, I realized we had slowly stopped putting in effort. Not out of neglect or lack of love, but because we assumed we didn’t need to. We thought comfort and familiarity were just the natural replacements for passion.
But the truth is, romance isn’t something that just happens—it’s something you create. And once I understood that, everything changed.
Making romance a daily habit changed everything
Once I stopped seeing romance as something that fades on its own, I started treating it like anything else that matters—something that needs attention every day.
Instead of waiting for the “right moment” or expecting grand gestures to fix everything, my husband and I made small, consistent efforts to connect. A thoughtful text in the middle of the day.
A five-second kiss instead of a quick peck. A genuine compliment, even when we were just in sweatpants at home.
At first, it felt almost too simple to make a real difference. But those little moments added up. The more we prioritized each other in small ways, the more natural it became to feel connected, affectionate, and excited about our relationship again.
If you’re feeling stuck in routine, don’t wait for a big change to bring back the spark. Start with something small today—one intentional act of love. It might seem insignificant in the moment, but over time, it can completely transform how you feel about each other.
Taking ownership of your relationship—and your life
For a long time, I assumed that passion naturally fades and that there wasn’t much I could do about it. But when I challenged that belief and took responsibility for how I showed up in my relationship, everything started to shift.
The same applies to so many areas of life. We often accept things as “just the way they are” because it’s what we’ve been told or what we see around us. But when we start questioning those assumptions, we give ourselves the power to create something better.
If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, or even in other parts of your life, consider this:
- Are you waiting for things to change on their own, or are you actively shaping the experience you want?
- Do your beliefs about relationships come from personal experience, or have they been shaped by societal expectations?
- Are you prioritizing what truly matters to you, or just going through the motions because it’s what’s expected?
Taking a step back and asking these questions can be uncomfortable, but it’s also freeing. It puts you in control instead of letting external circumstances dictate how things unfold.
The truth is, relationships—like anything meaningful—require intention. And the more you approach them with curiosity and ownership, the more fulfilling they become.
