So, you want to be the kind of person everyone enjoys being around?
It’s a great goal, but let’s be real—sometimes our habits can get in the way of making that happen.
Even the most charming and well-meaning among us can unknowingly slip into behaviors that push people away rather than draw them closer.
As someone who’s spent years unraveling the dynamics of human connection, I can tell you this: being universally liked isn’t about being perfect, but it is about being self-aware.
Today, we’re diving into seven behaviors you’ll need to leave behind if you want to become that magnetic, approachable person everyone loves.
Ready to do a little self-reflection? Let’s get started.
1) Gossiping
Let’s start with a behavior most of us are guilty of occasionally – gossiping.
Who doesn’t love a juicy piece of news, right? Well, as tempting as it may be to share the latest scandal about your coworker or friend, it’s a habit that can quickly tarnish your reputation.
Being a gossip doesn’t just hurt the person you’re talking about. It also sends a message to others that you can’t be trusted with private information. Think about it, if you’re willing to spill someone else’s secrets, who’s to say you won’t do the same with theirs?
Being genuinely liked often comes down to being trusted.
Instead of spreading rumors or negative talk, let’s focus on understanding and empathy. It might not be easy at first, but I promise you, it’s worth it.
2) Negativity
Next on the list is being a constant source of negativity.
Now, I’ve been there, and I know how easy it is to fall into a cycle of complaining and pessimism.
However, negativity can be contagious, and it’s not a trait of someone people enjoy being around.
If you really want to be liked, try to focus on the positives. Challenge yourself to find the silver lining in any situation. It’s not about denying problems or difficulties, but about approaching them with a hopeful and constructive mindset.
Trust me, positivity is attractive, and it can make a huge difference in how people perceive you.
3) Not respecting boundaries
Another behavior to let go of is not respecting others’ boundaries.
This can manifest in many ways, from constantly interrupting someone while they’re speaking to imposing your will on others without their consent. This behavior can easily make people feel undervalued and uncomfortable.
I touch on this in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. I talk about the importance of setting and respecting boundaries in relationships. It applies to all types of relationships, not just romantic ones.
But for now, just know that when we respect others’ boundaries, we show that we value their feelings, opinions, and autonomy. This simple act can significantly improve how others perceive us.
4) Trying too hard to be liked
Now, here’s a bit of a paradox: Trying too hard to be liked can actually make you less likable.
It’s a common behavior. We all want to be accepted and appreciated, so we may find ourselves going out of our way to please others, often at the expense of our own needs and values.
But here’s the thing: people can sense when you’re not being authentic. And inauthenticity is rarely attractive.
Instead of trying to fit into a mold that you think others will like, just be yourself. Authenticity is more appealing than any facade you could construct.
As put by poet John Lygate, “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time” and that’s okay.
5) Being judgmental
Another behavior that can make you less likable is being judgmental.
We all have our opinions and beliefs, but when we start imposing them on others or judging them based on their choices, it can create a barrier.
I’ve learned this the hard way. Years ago, I would often find myself judging others without even realizing it. It wasn’t until a dear friend pointed it out that I understood how this behavior was affecting my relationships.
So, I made a conscious effort to become more open-minded and accepting. It was a challenge, but it has made me a better friend, listener, and overall person.
Everyone has their own journey and their own battles. Empathy and understanding are far more likable traits than judgment.
6) Not really listening
Here’s an essential behavior to let go of: not truly listening to others when they speak.
I’ve found that one of the most valuable gifts you can offer someone is your undivided attention. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of formulating your response while the other person is still talking, but doing so means you’re not really hearing them.
The great Stephen R. Covey once wrote, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” And boy, was he right.
Over the years, I’ve made a conscious effort to become a better listener. And I’ve noticed that people are more drawn to me when I genuinely take in their words and respond thoughtfully.
Trust me, learn to listen. Not just with your ears, but with your heart as well. It shows that you value their thoughts and feelings, and that’s something people will always appreciate.
7) Being unreliable
The final behavior that can hinder your likability is being unreliable.
Let’s be honest here: nobody likes a flake. When you make a commitment, whether it’s for a coffee date or a work project, people are counting on you. And when you don’t follow through, it can leave them feeling disappointed and let down.
Consistently failing to keep your word can damage trust and make people wary of depending on you in the future. It sends the message that their needs and time are not important to you.
I know life is unpredictable and sometimes things happen that are out of our control. But reliability isn’t about perfection; it’s about making a sincere effort to meet your commitments and communicating openly when you can’t.
Conclusion
There you have it – seven behaviors to say goodbye to if you want to be the type of person everyone likes. It’s not about losing your individuality, but about fostering habits that create positive and respectful interactions with others.
I know breaking old habits is never easy, but the rewards are worth it. As you work on shedding these behaviors, you’ll likely notice an improvement in your relationships and how others perceive you.
You’ve got this!
