There’s a thin line between being taken for granted and being loved unconditionally in a relationship.
The line is drawn by habits. Certain habits can make your partner feel like they have you in their pocket, while others can make them appreciate you more.
I get it, comfort and routine might lead us to fall into some habits that unintentionally show our partners we’re always going to be there, no matter what they do.
But, if you don’t want your partner to take you for granted, it’s time to kick these 10 habits to the curb. And trust me, it’s easier than you think.
Here are the 10 habits you need to say goodbye to for a healthier and more respected relationship.
1) Constantly saying yes
We all love being agreeable, don’t we? It feels good to be the person who always says yes, who always goes along with what your partner wants to do.
But here’s the catch: being a constant yes-person can inadvertently lead to you being taken for granted in a relationship.
When you’re always accommodating, always flexible, it can create an expectation in your partner’s mind that you’ll always be there, ready to adjust your needs for theirs. And while it’s important to compromise in a relationship, it’s equally important to stand up for your own needs and desires.
When your partner asks you to do something that you don’t really want to do or agree with, try saying no. It might feel uncomfortable at first. But standing your ground can help your partner see you as an individual with their own wants and needs, not just as someone who’s there to meet theirs.
2) Over-apologizing
This is a habit I can personally relate to. I used to say “sorry” for everything – even when it wasn’t my fault or when it was completely out of my control.
I remember once apologizing to my partner because the traffic made us late for our dinner reservations. I wasn’t the cause of the traffic, I couldn’t control it, but I found myself saying “I’m sorry” anyway.
Over time, I realized that constantly apologizing made it seem like I was always at fault, and it led to my partner taking my efforts for granted.
Apologies are meant to express regret for something we’ve done wrong, not to act as a buffer for every minor inconvenience. Over-apologizing can diminish their meaning and make you seem like a pushover.
Once I stopped over-apologizing, I noticed a shift in how my partner treated me. They started acknowledging the effort and thought I put into our relationship, and stopped taking me for granted.
3) Ignoring your own interests
Did you know that couples who maintain their individual interests tend to have healthier relationships? It’s true. While it’s great to share hobbies and activities with your partner, it’s also important to pursue your own passions.
Many people, in the throes of love, might abandon their personal interests to spend more time with their partner, believing this will strengthen their bond. However, this can lead to a sense of loss of self-identity and could make your partner take you for granted.
Instead, hold onto those things that make you unique. Whether it’s painting, hiking or attending a book club, keep doing what you love. This not only allows you to maintain your individuality but also keeps your relationship fresh and interesting.
After all, it’s the differences that sparked the attraction in the first place. Don’t let them fade away.
4) Always being available
There’s a difference between being reliable and always being available. It’s great to be a dependable partner, but being at someone’s beck and call can set a dangerous precedent.
When you’re constantly available, it can make your partner feel like they can take your time for granted. They might start to expect you to drop everything whenever they need you, which is neither fair nor healthy.
This doesn’t mean you need to play hard to get or ignore your partner’s needs. It just means setting boundaries and making sure your time is respected.
It’s okay to say, “I’m busy right now, but I can help you in an hour,” or “Let’s find a time that works for both of us.” Prioritizing your own time and needs shows that they are important too, and it encourages your partner to do the same.
5) Neglecting self-care
When we’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get caught up in caring for our partner and forget about our own needs. But remember, self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary.
If you’re constantly putting your partner’s needs before your own, they might begin to expect this from you, leading to them taking you for granted. Moreover, neglecting your own well-being can lead to burnout and resentment.
When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to take care of others. Plus, it shows your partner that your wellbeing is important too.
6) Forgetting to express gratitude
In the busyness of life and the comfort of a relationship, it’s easy to forget to say two simple words: Thank you.
Expressing gratitude for your partner’s actions, no matter how small they might seem, can go a long way in preventing them from taking you for granted. It shows them that you notice and appreciate their efforts.
But it’s not just about thanking them for what they do. It’s also about acknowledging who they are as a person and what they bring to your life.
When was the last time you told your partner that you appreciate their kindness, their patience, or their sense of humor? If it’s been a while, take a moment today to express your gratitude. It can make all the difference in keeping your relationship healthy and balanced.
7) Avoiding tough conversations
I used to shy away from conflict like it was the plague. I thought keeping the peace meant avoiding difficult conversations, even when I was unhappy or felt overlooked.
Over time, I realized that avoiding these conversations wasn’t helping my relationship. Instead, it was enabling my partner to continue behaviors that made me feel taken for granted because they were oblivious to how I felt.
Having tough conversations can be uncomfortable, but they’re crucial for growth and understanding in a relationship. It’s in these moments of vulnerability and honesty that we can express our feelings and expectations to our partners.
When you feel something is off in your relationship, don’t sweep it under the rug. Talk about it. You may be surprised at how much it can strengthen your bond and prevent you from being taken for granted.
8) Always trying to fix things
When our partner is upset or facing a problem, our first instinct is often to jump in and fix it. It’s a well-intentioned gesture, but it can sometimes do more harm than good.
By always stepping in to solve your partner’s problems, you might unintentionally send the message that you don’t believe they can handle it themselves. This can lead them to take your help for granted.
Instead of immediately offering solutions, try just being there for them. Listen to their concerns, empathize with their feelings, and offer support. This demonstrates respect for their ability to handle their own issues.
Sometimes, the best way to help is simply to be there and let them know they’re not alone.
9) Putting them on a pedestal
While it’s natural to admire and appreciate your partner, continuously putting them on a pedestal can lead to an imbalance in your relationship.
When you idolize your partner, you might start ignoring their flaws and shortcomings. This can create unrealistic expectations and may cause them to take you for granted.
Instead, strive to see your partner as they truly are: a human being with strengths and weaknesses, just like you. This promotes equality in your relationship and fosters mutual respect.
After all, a healthy relationship is not about finding a perfect person, but loving an imperfect person perfectly.
10) Losing your sense of self
In a relationship, it’s easy to start defining yourself in terms of your partner. But remember, you were an individual before you were part of a couple. And that individuality shouldn’t get lost in the relationship.
If you start to lose yourself, your partner may begin to take you for granted, seeing you only as an extension of themselves.
So, stay true to yourself. Keep growing and evolving as an individual. This not only makes you more attractive to your partner but also ensures that they see and appreciate you for who you truly are.
Final thoughts: It’s about mutual respect
The essence of not being taken for granted in a relationship is deeply rooted in mutual respect, understanding, and communication.
These habits we’ve discussed are not about playing games or manipulating your partner’s behavior. They’re about maintaining your dignity and self-respect, asserting your worth, and fostering a healthy equilibrium in your relationship.
American philosopher and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” The same applies to relationships. If you want to be valued, start by valuing yourself.
Whether it’s saying no when needed, maintaining your individuality, having tough conversations or expressing gratitude, each step is a stride towards ensuring you’re not taken for granted.
Remember, a relationship is a partnership of equals, and you deserve to be treated as such. As you reflect on these habits, may it serve as a reminder that you’re worthy of respect and appreciation in all areas of life.