Ah, the holiday season. It’s a time for joy, laughter, and unfortunately, sometimes family drama.
You know what I’m talking about — there’s always that one family member who seems to thrive on causing a stir.
Whether it’s reigniting old feuds or creating new ones, their actions can turn festive gatherings into stress-filled occasions.
As someone who’s experienced this firsthand, I realized that these drama-causers usually display certain traits.
In this article, we’re going to delve into what those traits are.
Armed with this knowledge, you might be better prepared to navigate the emotional minefield that can be family get-togethers over the holiday season.
So, ready to unravel the mystery behind why some family members just can’t seem to let the holidays pass without a little drama? Let’s dive in.
1) They’re experts in playing the victim
When it comes to family drama, it’s not unusual to find one of the main characters consistently positioning themselves as the victim.
This isn’t an accident, nor is it a twist of fate.
No, this is a conscious choice made by family members who enjoy stirring the pot during holiday gatherings.
They’re skilled at redirecting any situation to focus on their own perceived hardships or injustices. This tendency to play the victim serves multiple purposes.
For one, it allows them to avoid accountability for their actions. By making themselves the “victim,” they can sidestep any blame or criticism.
Secondly, it gives them a platform from which they can garner sympathy and attention. The holiday season, with its emphasis on love and understanding, provides the perfect backdrop for their theatrics.
2) They resist change
Holiday traditions often hold a special place in families, providing a sense of comfort and connection.
But what happens when you suggest a change—like celebrating in a new location or trying a different recipe? How does that one drama-prone family member respond?
Resistance, frustration, or even an outburst might follow. This isn’t just about the change itself; it could be tied to their struggle with adaptability. For those who find security in routine and predictability, any disruption can feel unsettling, even threatening.
Their reaction isn’t necessarily malice—it’s their way of maintaining a sense of control.
When faced with such resistance, pause and reflect. Is the reaction truly about the proposed change, or is it rooted in their discomfort with the unfamiliar? Understanding this can help you navigate these moments with patience, preserving harmony while still embracing fresh ideas.
3) They’re surprisingly sensitive to criticism
It’s assumed that those who stir the pot can handle the heat they ignite. Yet, that rarely proves true in these situations.
These individuals are quick to criticize, gossip, or offer unsolicited opinions, but they falter when the focus shifts to them.
Even mild feedback or harmless remarks can trigger defensiveness, overreactions, or exaggerated displays aimed at diverting attention from their own flaws.
Their bravado, though outwardly bold, hides a deeper struggle with accepting constructive feedback.
Perhaps it’s as Norman Vincent Peale observed: “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
4) They tend to monopolize conversations
Malcolm Forbes once said, “The art of conversation lies in listening,” a principle overlooked by individuals who dominate discussions.
They have a knack for steering conversations off-topic, redirecting the focus to themselves—be it their latest achievements, personal problems, or strong opinions. This behavior doesn’t just irritate; it can leave others feeling ignored and emotionally drained.
During social events, particularly holiday gatherings meant for sharing and connection, their tendency to monopolize the spotlight disrupts the flow of engagement.
Instead of fostering an environment where everyone feels heard, they turn these moments into a stage for themselves, diminishing the joy of mutual interaction.
5) They thrive on creating divisions
Let’s be honest—we’ve all come across someone who seems to enjoy creating divisions within a group.
At family gatherings, these individuals have a way of stirring up tension, planting seeds of discord through gossip or half-truths to manipulate emotions and perceptions.
It’s not just drama for drama’s sake; it’s their way of controlling the narrative and pulling the strings behind the scenes. Looking back on past gatherings, their behavior becomes clearer—they know exactly how to shift dynamics to suit their agenda.
Recognizing this can make a big difference. It helps us see through their tactics and resist getting caught up in their games. By staying calm and choosing to rise above the drama, we can keep our peace and truly enjoy the holiday season.
6) They never seem to apologize
Imagine this: a family member stirs up drama during your holiday dinner, causing distress and unease. The next day, they act like nothing happened. No apology. No acknowledgment. Sound familiar?
This pattern of behavior is another common trait of those who create holiday drama. They avoid apologies, brushing off their actions with a laugh or ignoring them entirely. Is it because they don’t see the harm they’ve caused, or do they simply feel no need to take responsibility?
Maya Angelou’s words come to mind: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Reflecting on this can help us accept their behavior for what it is, manage our expectations, and navigate these situations with clarity.
After all, it’s hard to receive an apology from someone who doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong.
7) They revel in chaos
It might sound strange, but some family members seem to find a strange kind of comfort in chaos.
Take my cousin, for example. Every year at family gatherings, he had a way of stirring things up. At first, we thought it was unintentional, maybe just stress getting the better of him. But as it happened again and again, a pattern emerged.
What stood out was how much energy he seemed to gain from the tension.
Raised voices, awkward silences—what left everyone else drained seemed to invigorate him. This tendency to thrive on discord is a familiar behavior among those who spark holiday drama, drawing energy from the stress that unsettles others.
What can we do about it?
Managing drama-causing family members during the holidays can be tricky, but these strategies can help:
- Set boundaries: Be clear about what behaviors you won’t tolerate, and stick to your limits. Calmly disengage from provocations.
- Don’t engage: Drama feeds on reactions. Refuse to participate in arguments or conflicts, and keep your composure.
- Redirect the energy: Focus on positive moments and encourage inclusive activities to shift attention away from tension.
- Seek support: Align with someone who understands the dynamics and can provide support during difficult moments.
- Take breaks: Step away to reset if things feel overwhelming, helping you maintain calm and perspective.
While you can’t control others, how you respond can create a more peaceful holiday experience.
