For the longest time, I thought being easygoing—always saying yes, avoiding conflict, making sure everyone liked me—was a good thing.
That it made me a good person.
But over time, I started to realize something: the more I bent over backward to please everyone, the further I drifted from myself.
I wasn’t being kind. I was being compliant. I wasn’t making people happy—I was just making myself smaller, more palatable, easier to digest.
And the worst part? I didn’t even realize it was happening.
It took me a long time (and a few hard lessons) to understand that constantly being agreeable wasn’t some noble trait—it was a way of avoiding discomfort, of keeping the peace at the expense of my own voice.
This is how I learned that saying no isn’t selfish, that disagreement doesn’t mean disconnection, and that real growth comes from showing up as who you actually are—not who you think people want you to be.
1) The constant yes-person
Agreeability is an easy trap to fall into.
It’s the path of least resistance. The idea of always saying ‘yes’, avoiding conflict, and being the person everyone can rely on to agree seems ideal.
But in my case, this agreeability was turning me into a constant yes-person. I found myself agreeing to everything, often at the expense of my own needs and desires.
Being agreeable had become a habit, a default response. And far from fostering genuine relationships, I realized it was creating an image of me that wasn’t authentic.
Instead of being seen as reliable and likable, I was becoming someone who couldn’t stand up for themselves.
My personal brand was suffering, not because I wasn’t good enough, but because I wasn’t being true to myself.
The impact wasn’t just on my personal brand, but also on my personal growth. By always agreeing with others, I was suppressing my own opinions and failing to challenge myself.
This realization was a wake-up call that something needed to change.
2) The dinner debacle
One Friday evening, after a grueling week of work, my friends planned a dinner at a downtown restaurant.
I was exhausted and just wanted to curl up on my couch with a good book. But, when asked if I could join, my default ‘yes’ slipped out before I could even think.
So there I was, sitting at the bustling restaurant, barely keeping my eyes open. My friends laughed and chatted around me, but all I could think of was how much I wished to be home.
That’s when it hit me – in my pursuit to be agreeable, I had forgotten to consider what I truly wanted. I was compromising my own happiness and wellbeing to avoid disappointing others.
This was not a one-off instance but a pattern that repeated itself in various aspects of my life.
It became clear that being continuously agreeable wasn’t just affecting my authenticity; it was also affecting my mental health and wellbeing.
3) Compromised decision-making
One side effect of constant agreeability that I hadn’t considered before was its impact on my decision-making skills.
Agreeing with others all the time meant that I was rarely making decisions based on my own judgment or preferences.
Research shows that the ability to make autonomous decisions is key to personal growth and self-confidence. It’s a way of asserting our individuality and taking control of our lives.
But by always agreeing with others, I was inadvertently letting other people take the driver’s seat in my life.
This wasn’t just about me being seen as a pushover; it was about me losing the opportunity to practice and enhance my decision-making skills.
4) Losing sight of my true self
The more I found myself saying ‘yes’ to things I didn’t want, the more I began to lose sight of who I was.
That might sound dramatic, but it’s true.
Being constantly agreeable had me adopting views, participating in activities, and making choices that weren’t really mine. It was as if I was living someone else’s life.
I started questioning my own preferences and opinions. Was I choosing this because it’s what I wanted, or because it’s what others expected of me?
It was a sobering realization – in my effort to keep everyone else happy, I was slowly losing touch with my true self.
And that’s not a trade-off anyone should be comfortable with.
5) The confrontation confession
There was a moment that finally pushed me to confront my agreeability issue.
It involved a close friend who was planning to move abroad. She wanted to have a farewell party at my home, knowing it was spacious and conveniently located for all her friends.
I didn’t want to host the party. I was already swamped with work, and the thought of preparing my home for a big event felt overwhelming. But as usual, I found myself on the verge of saying ‘yes’.
However, this time, something snapped inside me. I realized I couldn’t keep putting others’ wants before my own needs. So, I took a deep breath and told her the truth.
Her reaction surprised me. She wasn’t upset or disappointed; instead, she appreciated my honesty and quickly found another solution.
This incident made me realize that saying ‘no’ didn’t make me a bad person, but rather a genuine one. It was the first step towards breaking free from my agreeability trap.
6) The journey to assertiveness
Deciding to break free from the habit of constant agreeability was one thing; actually doing it was another.
It required a mindset shift and a commitment to assertiveness.
Assertiveness is about expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly, without offending others or disregarding your own rights. It’s about finding a balance between being too passive (always agreeing) and being too aggressive (always insisting on your own way).
I started practicing assertiveness in small ways – expressing my opinion during team meetings at work, choosing the restaurant for dinner with friends, saying ‘no’ when I was overburdened with tasks.
It wasn’t easy, and I faced some resistance initially. But over time, people started respecting my choices. More importantly, I started respecting myself more. I felt more authentic, more in control of my life, and yes, happier.
7) Embracing authenticity
The most crucial lesson I’ve learned from this journey is the importance of being true to ourselves.
Being agreeable doesn’t necessarily make us good or likable people. It often leads to compromising our authenticity, which can result in feeling lost and disconnected from ourselves.
Learning to say ‘no’, expressing our opinions, making decisions that align with our values – these are all ways we can assert our individuality and embrace authenticity.
It’s not about pleasing others at the expense of ourselves, but about finding a balance where our needs and wants are valued just as much as those of the people around us.
Embracing authenticity doesn’t mean we won’t be liked or appreciated. On the contrary, it helps us build genuine relationships based on respect and understanding.
And that’s a much more fulfilling way to live.
The power of authenticity
The journey of self-discovery and personal growth is deeply intertwined with authenticity.
Being agreeable to keep others happy can often lead us down a path where we lose sight of our true selves.
But the truth is, we all have the right to voice our opinions, assert our needs, and say ‘no’ when necessary. This doesn’t make us less likable; instead, it makes us more genuine and reliable.
The journey may be challenging, but the reward of living an authentic life far outweighs the struggle.
It’s about valuing our own needs and wants just as much as we value those of others. It’s about finding our own voice amidst the noise.
Because ultimately, authenticity isn’t about pleasing everyone else; it’s about being true to ourselves.
