If Aunt Susan constantly belittles your career choices or Cousin Joe never fails to bring up that embarrassing incident from ten years ago, you know they’re toxic.
That’s Family Dynamics 101—but it’s not always as black and white as that.
The human family tree can be just as complex and intricate as the human mind, sometimes making it tough to discern who’s truly got your back.
Yet a psychologist I spoke with recently laid it out in simple terms; there are seven types of family members that aren’t worth keeping in contact with.—and I’ve got to say, this list may surprise you:
1) The perpetual critic
Having a critic in your life is like living with a storm cloud.
Their presence is always looming, ready to rain on your parade at any given moment.
Whether it’s about your career, your lifestyle or even your love life, they always have a disapproving remark ready to shoot.
What’s worse? This critic could be a family member.
But here’s the deal: Living under constant criticism is exhausting and damaging to your self-esteem.
It robs you of the joy of being authentically yourself, hindering your personal growth.
This isn’t about holding grudges, it’s about preserving your mental health.
Sometimes, that means letting go of the perpetual critics within our own family tree.
2) The fair-weather friend
We all know someone who’s a fair-weather friend, right?
They’re all sunshine and smiles when life is good, but the minute storm clouds roll in, they’re nowhere to be found.
In my own experience, I had an aunt who was the epitome of a fair-weather friend: She’d show up at all the family gatherings, always ready with a smile and a laugh.
But when I went through a rough period—a job loss followed by a painful breakup—she vanished.
No calls, no texts, no support—absolutely nothing.
And that’s when I realized: Her friendship was conditional.
It was only valuable to her when I was in high spirits and could offer her something in return.
True relationships, whether they’re familial or otherwise, should offer support and understanding during tough times.
3) The emotional vampire
Ever found yourself completely drained after spending time with a certain family member?
You may be dealing with an emotional vampire—they’re the ones who suck the energy out of the room, leaving you feeling exhausted and depleted.
These individuals have a knack for turning every conversation into a drama about them, disregarding other people’s feelings and needs.
It’s as if they feed off your emotional energy to fuel their own insecurities and attention-seeking behaviors.
One thing to note: Psychologists have found that prolonged exposure to emotional vampires can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression.
If you’ve got a family member who leaves you feeling more drained than a smartphone after a day of heavy use, it might be time to put some distance between you.
4) The guilt-tripper
Ah, the guilt-tripper—a master manipulator hidden behind a family title.
This is the family member who makes you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or for setting boundaries that protect your own wellbeing.
They might use phrases like “after all I’ve done for you” or “you’re being selfish” to manipulate your emotions and make you do things their way.
Guilt is a powerful tool, but it’s not a healthy foundation for any relationship.
It’s crucial to remember that you are not responsible for other people’s happiness, and your decisions should be guided by what’s best for you, not what others expect of you.
You deserve relationships that are built on respect and understanding, not manipulation and guilt.
5) The constant competitor
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my fair share of encounters with the constant competitor.
This is the family member who turns every achievement, every life event into a competition.
When I bought my first car, my cousin immediately went out and got a newer, flashier model.
When I announced my promotion at work, my brother was quick to remind me of his higher salary.
The thing is, life isn’t a race and the constant need to outdo each other can be exhausting.
Plus, it can sour what should be a supportive and loving relationship.
You should celebrate your achievements without them being overshadowed by unnecessary competition.
6) The over-sharer
It might seem strange, but the over-sharer can also be a problematic family member to keep in your life.
This is the relative who lacks boundaries, sharing every intimate detail of their lives with you, regardless of context or your comfort.
While it’s great to have open lines of communication within a family, there’s such a thing as too much information.
When boundaries are crossed consistently, it can put unnecessary strain on the relationship.
The psychologist I spoke to explained that maintaining a healthy relationship requires a balance of openness and respect for personal boundaries.
If you have an over-sharing family member who continually crosses the line, it may be worth considering whether those interactions are truly beneficial to you.
7) The perpetual victim
Last but not least, we have the perpetual victim—this is the family member who never takes responsibility for their actions or mistakes.
Instead, they constantly portray themselves as the victim, blaming others for their misfortunes.
This can be particularly draining, as it often leads to unproductive conversations and a lack of growth or development in the relationship.
Remember, it’s important to surround yourself with individuals who inspire you to grow and become a better version of yourself.
If a family member is constantly playing the victim card, our psychologist suggests it may be time to reconsider how much contact you maintain with this person.
After all, personal growth requires accepting responsibility, not shirking it.
Final thoughts
As you reach the end of this piece, it’s important to remember that every family has its complexities.
And just like a garden, sometimes we must prune away the unhealthy parts to allow for new growth and flourishing.
Remember, distancing yourself from certain family members doesn’t mean you love them any less.
It simply means you’re choosing to love and respect yourself more.
In the words of renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This also applies to accepting our family dynamics as they are and then making the necessary changes for our own wellbeing.
Reflect on this thought and remember, it is perfectly okay to make choices that prioritize your mental health.
After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup!
