Being in a relationship is great, isn’t it? But there’s a fine line between being in love and becoming overly dependent on your partner.
I’m Tina Fey, the founder of Love Connection and a relationship expert. I’ve seen many lose themselves completely in their relationships, forgetting their own individuality.
In this blog post, we’re going to talk about “8 subtle behaviors of people who have no life outside of their relationship”.
It’s a tricky subject, but having been in the relationship trenches myself, I think it’s important to address.
Remember, balance is key. Let’s dive into the signs that you might be losing sight of that balance in your own relationship.
1) They’re always together
When you’re in love, it’s natural to want to spend a lot of time with your partner.
But when you can’t remember the last time you did something without them, it might be a sign that you’re losing your individuality.
Sure, it’s cute to be inseparable at first. But over time, it’s important to maintain your own hobbies and interests outside of your relationship.
Having time apart isn’t just healthy; it’s essential. It helps you maintain your sense of self, which after all, is what attracted your partner to you in the first place.
If you notice that you’re spending every waking moment with your significant other, it might be time to reassess. Remember, it’s okay – and even beneficial – to spend some time apart.
Being constantly together can feel comforting, but don’t let it become a habit that you can’t break.
2) They’ve lost touch with their friends
Friends, just like relationships, are the spices of life. They add variety, excitement, and a sense of belonging. But when you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to let those friendships slide.
I’ve seen it happen too many times. A friend gets into a relationship, and before you know it, they’re MIA from all social gatherings. It’s like they’ve fallen off the face of the earth!
This can be a dangerous trap to fall into. As the great writer C.S. Lewis once said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
We need our friends to keep us grounded and remind us of who we are outside of our relationships.
If you find that you’re neglecting your friends for your partner, it’s time to reassess and ensure you’re maintaining the balance in your life.
3) They don’t have personal goals outside the relationship
When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get caught up in the ‘we’.
We want to buy a house, we want to travel the world, we want to start a family. But what about your personal goals?
I remember when I was writing my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“, I was also balancing my life with my partner.
It was challenging, but having my own goals gave me a sense of purpose and independence outside of my relationship.
Your own ambitions and dreams are just as important as your shared goals.
If you find that all your future plans revolve around your partner, it might be time to take a step back.
You’re an individual first and a partner second. Don’t lose sight of your personal dreams and aspirations.
They are what make you, you!
4) They feel uncomfortable doing things alone
Here’s something a little counterintuitive: being comfortable doing things alone is actually a sign of a healthy relationship.
It shows that you’re secure in your love and trust for each other, and don’t need constant togetherness to validate your bond.
It might seem romantic to do everything together, but it’s important to be able to stand on your own two feet.
Whether it’s going to the movies, shopping, or even enjoying a quiet dinner at a restaurant, being able to do these things alone is a testament to your independence.
If the thought of spending time alone makes you uncomfortable, it’s worth exploring why that is.
Being able to enjoy your own company is an important part of maintaining your individuality in a relationship.
5) They constantly seek validation from their partner
We all seek validation from time to time, it’s natural. But when you’re in a relationship, it’s important that this validation doesn’t become your sole source of self-worth.
I’ll let you in on a little secret from my own relationship journey. I used to seek constant approval from my partner, until I realized that the only approval I truly needed was my own.
If you find yourself constantly needing reassurance and approval from your partner, it might be a sign that you’re placing too much emphasis on their opinion of you, and not enough on your opinion of yourself.
Your worth is not defined by someone else’s opinion of you. It’s defined by your own actions, beliefs, and values. Make sure to take a step back and validate yourself every once in a while.
6) They feel lost without their partner
Let’s get real here. If you feel like a ship lost at sea without your partner by your side, it’s a clear sign that you’re too dependent on them.
It’s okay to miss your partner when they’re not around, but feeling completely lost without them is an entirely different story.
It can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity, which can put unnecessary strain on your relationship.
Being in a relationship should not mean losing your sense of self. Your partner is there to complement you, not complete you.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are a whole and complete person on your own. It’s perfectly okay to be by yourself. In fact, it’s necessary for personal growth and self-discovery.
7) They mirror their partner’s interests and opinions
It’s great to share common interests with your partner. But when you suddenly find yourself adopting all of their hobbies, interests, and even opinions, it’s time to pause and reflect.
I’ve seen many couples where one person starts to lose their own identity, morphing their likes and dislikes to mirror their partner’s. I’ve even been guilty of it myself in the past.
As Oscar Wilde wisely said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Remember, your partner fell in love with you for who you are, not who you can become for them.
So while it’s great to enjoy activities together, don’t forget to hold on to the things that make you uniquely you.
It’s okay to have different hobbies and opinions. In fact, it adds more spice to the relationship!
8) They’ve lost their sense of self
This one is hard to admit, but it’s crucial to confront. If you’re feeling like you don’t recognize yourself anymore, or you’re constantly defining yourself in terms of your relationship, it’s a clear sign that something’s off balance.
When we let our relationship consume us, we risk losing our sense of self. We become “us” and forget about “me”. And let me be raw and honest here: that’s not healthy.
Your identity should never be tied solely to your relationship status.
You’re more than someone’s partner; you’re a unique individual with your own dreams, goals, and passions.
Don’t let your relationship erase the wonderful person you are.
Maintaining your identity in a relationship isn’t just good for you, it’s also essential for the health and longevity of your relationship.
Final thoughts
Acknowledging these behaviors is the first step towards maintaining a healthier balance between your relationship and your individual life. It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely necessary.
As someone who has been there, I assure you that it’s possible to nurture a loving relationship without losing yourself in the process.
In my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“, I share more insights and strategies to help you keep that balance.
You are a whole, complete individual outside of your relationship. Here’s to healthier, happier and more balanced relationships for all of us!
